Do teenagers do things for themselves anymore when living at home?

[GMV42]

My children are 30 now and have full time jobs/ careers. When they were younger I worked full time during the week. My children washed and ironed their school uniforms when at secondary school, they did housework and their bedrooms only got tidied when they cleaned them themselves.
I see some of my friends whose children do nothing to help around the house. They dump washing on the floor, plates, cups etc are going mouldy in their rooms and do not help out in the house at all.
why do some parents not set their children up for real life?

I had household jobs from the age of about 12. Set and clear the table, help with the washing up / loading of the dishwasher. Weekly, I had to empty the waste paper baskets around the house, plus strip and make my bed and generally keep my room tidy.

As I got older, 14 or so, I would put a wash on if I went to put stuff in the family laundry basket and it was full, hang clothes out etc.

Also helped put the shopping away and the like. And woe betide anyone who went up and down the stairs and stepped over any items waiting to be put in their final resting places!

I’m sure they could fend for themselves but to what degree?

Sounds great!👍🏻

Not particularly. DD and I both have back problems directly worsened by motions like hoovering/scrubbing etc so I have a cleaner who comes every week. In my eyes having responsibility over her room and bathroom is enough. I’m no domestic goddess so I don’t expect DD to be

Today mine have...
Emptied and refilled dishwasher
Put away their clean clothes
Tidied up after having friends over last night
Taken parcels to the post office
Watered the garden
Made their own breakfast and lunch
Prepped veg for dinner

That took about 30 mins each over the day. They are 12&14.
Dh was at work, I was WFH.

My lot do help out. They are responsible for keeping their rooms tidy, unloading dishwasher, sometimes they help me cook, eldest at home will cook for everyone sometimes, eldest does own washing when back from uni and will chuck some of ours in too if she doing it.
Im a sahm and have 6 dc. Only 4 live at home now but im happy doing the majority. They are all capable of doing more but I don’t want them too. The older ones have their own homes and are perfectly fine.
My upbringing was very different. I had to do everything far too much for a child. It was really rubbish and I vowed mine would never do what I had to.

Mine does things and is actually very independent but I know of a few that don’t even pack their own clothes if staying a night away mummy does it absolute pisstake.

Totally agree with this and mine have also all turned out absolutely brilliant and capable independent young people (as did I and my siblings). I hate it when I read about poor kids having to do their own laundry, and as for buying and cooking all their own food, I can't actually believe anyone thinks that is a nice, secure, loving way to treat a young teen.

I expect everyone to help kids are 10-14. Eldest often cooks, he wants to be a chef , he made spaghetti with prawns and garlic for tea, other children do dishwasher, clean table, sweep floor.

I’m happy to do laundry but they bring baskets to utility and put away clean stuff. I clean the bathrooms but I expect not to find a sink covered in toothpaste or an unflushed loo and that the loo roll tube is put in recycling by whoever used the last sheet and that the towel is left on the hook not the floor. Eldest irons uniform for cadets.

Everyone cleans own bedroom, helps out with a bit of weeding / car cleaning / playing with the dog type stuff. Especially during the holidays, I’m working from home, I think it’d be bonkers for me to do all the domestic stuff whilst they laze around.

I take it that you’re replying to my comment re: buying and cooking own food? I can assure you that DD is in no way forced (or asked!) to do it. She is a great cook, finds it relaxing and really enjoys it. I am none of these things, plus she gets home earlier than me most nights so naturally she has taken over. Re: grocery shopping we usually go together (and of I course pay the bill) but realistically DD is the main decision maker as she typically has a bit of a meal plan in mind. I can’t believe that you’re saying a young adult developing healthy habits for herself is akin to an unloving childhood🤣

So they do their uniforms separately- machine load per child or one machine load between them? I’m just curious. Mine would need a light wash and dark wash so if it’s a machine load each, that’s 6 washes rather than 2… unless they do it between them?

When mine were teenagers. I’d say 14/15 plus
They cleaned their rooms. I didn’t go in
They did their own washing clothes and bedding and put it all away
( my dh tended to do some ironing but if they didn’t have them ready to iron they did their own )
they got their own breakfast and lunch
they took turns cutting the grass, putting the bins out. Not very onerous but every little helps.
they washed up the dishes etc in the kitchen ( no dishwasher I’m afraid )

However.
They only did this in the hols as they were boarders.
At school they had to do much the same except grass and dishes
Clothes were washed in the laundry at school so they just had to sort and put away.

do people actually do light and dark washes? Mine have white shirts and black / dark grey trousers and it all goes in together. The only thing I wash separately is sports stuff, towels and bedding. All clothes go in together and nothing greys it gets damaged. I will often do a first wash of jeans or bright clothes separately in case they run.

Why do some parents not get their teens to do chores?

well, some teens are disabled and phtsically can’t

some teens have MH issues like anorexia or self harming and the parents prioritiese keeping them alive and eating/not self harming

some parents are rich and have cleaners/etc to do it so nobody else has to.

abd that’s just off the top of my head.

well done you for not having a physically disabled teen or a teen with a MH problem.

Haha yes! I remember the stair pile.

Always done separate white washes.

@Cappuccino5 there is a big difference between a teenager wanting to do some cooking, which it sounds like your DD does, and being forced to fend for themselves when they are still children, and which I read all the time on here under the guise of 'getting them ready for the real world"

mine are 21, 20 and 13 and they all do stuff around the house. Sometimes I will ask them to do things when I’m at work but the dishwasher is emptied and the kitchen is always clean when I come home if they’ve cooked during the day.
The older 2 do their own washing, the younger has to put theirs in the basket that’s in our room.
Other than that, no plates go into bedrooms, one glass each upstairs in their rooms (this one is blatantly flouted 😳).
We have a cleaner but she comes once a week for 4 hours. Daily cleaning and tidying still needs to be done!

My kids keep their bedroom tidy(ish), load and empty the dishwasher and look after our animals. They put their washing in a basket but we have a cleaner who does the washing, ironing and cleans their bedrooms and their bathrooms. They do cook dinner once a week and know how to use the washing machine, iron etc so they’re capable but don’t have to do it. They can have food in their rooms but they know to bring all plates, cups etc down each evening. They have an easy life I suppose, but they’re good kids, will always offer to do things if they know I’m pushed for time. They can be quite busy with school and uni work and part time jobs so I like them to have as much down time as possible. I’m all about making life as easy as possible.

Fair point.

They understand that you get tired or are busy and help out. You have a busy household but they know when they need to help out.

My teens do many chores, including putting washing out & bringing it in to sort.
They have a severely disabled brother who spends lots of time in hospital so they've had ṭo fend for themselves.
I was shocked when my DD said parents of friends pack PE kits & lunch. Mine have been doing this since year 5.

Kids understand when life can be tough, they do respond to it. It is amazing that some kids do not do the basic jobs! They need to fend for themselves to learn vital skills needed to get by.

Yes! Those pesky cups! 🤣

Well in my case they did very little domestically during school terms but cooked and cleaned in holidays. They’re all good cooks and maintain clean living spaces. More importantly they all got the grades and awards they needed for the university courses they wanted.