Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 3

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

A friendly place to take some solace if / when your teens are wearing you out. Or alternatively, to give others hope, if yours have turned a corner!

I’ll start: mines are 21,18 and 16. It’s been so hard with my last one - but shes starting to become easier. I am thankful!

How are you all?

Please give me hope. DD near 17. Calls me names daily. Abusive language. Shouts. Can’t have a sensible convo. Pushes the boundaries but also needs me it appears even though she hates it. I am exhausted, I feel like I put my life on hold. Give me hope 🤞🏼

My son is 13yrs, was on waiting list for CAMHS for ADHD, but it was not extreme enough so I felt we were cut loose. We're nearing the end of a week's holiday in a cottage in Cornwall, and its hell. There have been nice moments but at the moment mu husband is asleep in the bedroom, very upset, I've forced both 13yr old and his 10yr old brother out the door to go to the games room. Son in question is rude, offensive, shouts 'gay' at us when we ask him to stop doing something loud, rude or thoroughly embarrassing, tries to pull his brother's shorts down in public, has manic behaviour, and rapidly scrolls from one video to the next on his phone without even having the chance to see what it is, and all with his hood up. We are at the end of our strength with this now. Any day when he's not at school is hell.

Fucking EPQ. I am aging rapidly. I hate it. I hate cajoling my DS17 though it.

I was on the original thread. So pleased to see us on thread three!!! Thank you @Pleasegivemeyourwisdom

I am going on a U.K. holiday with my 13yo dd in two weeks and I have such mixed emotions. She has been so horrible this week, but I'm hoping the break will do the two of us some good

13ds refuses to spend any time with us (this is just a tip of all sorts going on). So holidays out of the question. I dont know if this is good or bad thing. I am hoping out hope that life won't always be like this. But it is awful and I dont wish they were never born.but I do wish I wasnt a parent quietly to myself every now and then. It is gruelling and relentless. No joy in it whatsobloodyever.

I do feel envious for those who seem to have it better. Meals together, chat, holidays, games. But I suppose these things are not always what they seem at face value sometimes.

I am so sorry. I can definitely relate. Sometimes you think what’s the point when you’re so quickly misunderstood by them? Quick to be shot down.

I feel resentful that they’re such lumps around the house ….then mad at myself for not training them better….

Same here.
I absolutely loved being a parent a few years ago and I always thought I was doing a great job- children were happy, well behaved and we had brilliant days out and wonderful holidays. Even time at home was lovely with baking, building tents and art projects.
Now the girls dislike each other and are so different that family holidays have turned into short breaks for each one. They have totally different interests so tend to do different day trips/activities as well. This means I feel guilty when one is out and the other isn’t.
We live out in the sticks so it’s really difficult to organise trips with friends although they’ve both spent time with friends th is holiday. Oldest is now starting driving lessons which should help but she struggles with social anxiety and I’m constantly worried about her.
I have had to stop myself looking at Facebook memories as it’s just so sad!
oldest is also stressed about college and impending need to make big decisions about the future (I keep saying there’s no rush and she can have a year out but it falls on deaf ears).
At times they ignore me and have no interest in anything I’m saying. I feel so lonely and can’t wait to go back to work for some human interaction!
I have several things on this week with various friends and hobby groups and but I now feel guilty for putting my needs first! They are both likely to be grumpy and fed up! BUT they are likely to be grumpy and fed up even with me around I suppose!

Take me back 6 years please!

Hear hear, I’ll join you!

My son is 19. He simultaneously loathes me and is obsessed with me. Follows me around the house telling me what a shit mother I am.

I am so sorry. You are not what he says you are. Well, I’m a dickhead today. A dickhead who was putting her new Markies school shirts away at the time. It’s thrown me. She’s gone out and not looked back. It is so relentlessly exhausting isn’t it? I am sorry but what is this generation we are raising?

Can I join, 2 teens here. This is definitely the worse phase of parenting for me i miss when they were little sooo much.
My eldest age 17 refuses to do anything with me and we never go anywhere together anymore unless im accompanying them to an appointment. Can sometimes get youngest age 13 to go on the odd trip out but it takes some persuasion. Im a single parent, Funnily enough they'll both quite happily go on many trips out with their dad.
My life has revolved around them for the last 17 years and now i feel very cast aside and unwanted, which is a natural part of them growing up i suppose. It hurts that they still want to spend time and do things with their dad but not me,i always wonder if it would be reversed if they lived with him instead of me?I feel I now start needing to make a life of my own, meet new friends to spend time with and have fun. I spend an awful lot of time on my own these days.

Aw man, I’m sorry. But the question is, are you dickhead? You can only join if you are!

Im pretty sure my teens think im a dickhead, they certainly treat me like I am, so yes according to them Im definitely a dickhead!

Everything is my fault and I am the only one, the ONLY ONE, who doesn't let her stay up until all hours - and SO embarrassing......

How rude of you! May I say, you sound like a right dickhead too 🤣😢😝

I was on one of the original threads - probably under a different name. Anyway I’m here with hope.

my teens are 15 & 17.

the things I have found helped the most with the 17yo stroppy girl…

getting her a personal trainer (10 sessions). It was suggested on here. It wasn’t that she was massively into fitness but it changed the narrative to ‘being strong and listened to/respected by an adult’. It obvs wasn’t cheap but again it was something about the ‘investment’ - we didn’t need any kind of results but she reciprocated with effort. She joined a gym which quickly fizzled out but by then she wasn’t being so moody.

the next thing was driving. It changed everything. Even learning - she couldn’t back chat or cheek us. She was so desperate to drive that she just started being much more reasonable.

she has a part time job and this has been such a saviour. Her money is her own business and it’s helped her get the value of things.

my 15yo son is a totally different character. Cheerful and busy. Very popular. Gets bored easily but is infinitely easier.

if I’d have had him first I’d have been so smug like it was my parenting that made him so good.

it obviously isn’t. My daughter has been so damn challenging. I salute all you dickheads going through it!

I am welfare manager in a large school. Just for the record, most teens are absolutely fabulous. They know how to be polite and respectful. But they can become demons when with parents….

Hey I'm sorry haven't seen the last thread so could be bad advice but with the EPQ it's meant to be an independent piece of work, the school run sessions on how to do it generally but they leave it up to students. There are benefits sometimes outside of the essay skills and direct skills from doing it, it can lower university offers etc. My point being leave it up to your DC, they are 17, if they cannot see the benefits and get themselves through the work they signed up for through discipline and resilience, and aksing teachers for help when they need it - whether that be for how to research well, reference etc then thats their own fault (if there's other reasons ignore me). Sometimes they need to learn to sink or swim, the school will see his lack of progress, maybe have conversations with him, some schools revoke privileges as well. It's a good chance to teach some independence, and also do motivate yourself for independant study which he'll likely need in the future. Honestly, kids in y10/y11 can start developing their own revision timetables etc, by 6th form he should be able to get himself to do his own EPQ. Set the standards but let him live (to some extent) with the consequences of his own behaviour, see the school get more concerned and turn the screws on him, and let the natural consequences come into force.

Hi, new to this thread but can't tell you how happy I am to find it! I'm really struggling with the whole "is it just my kids?" Or is everyone's family like this?
Have 3 kids, ds 14, ds 12 nearly 13 and dd 8. They squabble constantly and now dd is starting to join in. My sons are very different so can't be nice to each other apparently, my eldest is very laid back and so easy, I know he isn't the norm but my ds 12 is another level. Very anxious about things, ocd, addicted to phone but source of his worries, can be aggressive and confrontational to my husband, who then takes the bait, back chats and most of the time it's like walking on egg shells but then the other 2 gang up on him, or each other! Just back from a family holiday and it was hard work! I'm hoping they grow out of it, I was a shit to my parents too but turned out normalish lol, so I have faith but my God it's hard work! I'm just glad to have found a thread and others in the same boat so I know it's not just us :)

It’s definitely not just you! It’s far from easy (understatement of year!)

How are you all?

im hanging in!

Hey there dickhead 😆

I am a woman in the edge. After a reasonably okay summer, I caught my 13 yo dd talking to strangers on the internet and giving them her phone number.

This happened earlier this year so we did the usual punishments, no phone etc. when she got her phone back it was made clear to her the dangers etc.

So here we are, a child consumed by her own misery and determined to make me miserable too.

I am spending every penny I have on therapy for her. And to top it all off, I have had to suspend my hobbies to I can be here for her.

How are you getting on?

There is light at the end of the tunnel…..my DDs are now 24 & 26 & are lovely young caring women. They also both recognise how bloody awful they were during their teenage years! Nice to feel we did get something right cos at the time it was hellish! Hang in there!

Oh his is hard. My daughter was caught on Omegle by her step mum. It was shit. I do think it’s a way of exerting independence.

I went and camped in the woods when I was a teen - parents thought I was staying with a friend. It was horrible and cold but we just wanted to rebel (no mobiles existed). I think social media and messaging strangers is this but in the digital world.

Thank you @WinterNightStars

@saladandchipp I think you are right. When I think of all the stupid, dangerous things I did as a teenager, I wonder how I'm still alive 🤣