Living with late teens, early 20s children

[SilverDoublet]

My kids are still pre teenagers, just about, but in our area the cost of renting a flat or house share is insane, so we're looking at them living with us til they are mid 20s, I would think. Those of you that have teenagers/ young adults, do you allow them to have gfs/bfs stay over? What age would you allow them to do that? Do you allow it every weekend or on a regular basis? What about casual relationships...

Any insights or opinions welcome!
Thanks.

That's what happened with me. I never felt welcome to bring bfs or even friends over at home, unstable home life, religious mother that didn't agree with sex b4 marriage, parents always arguing, 4 younger siblings, youngest brother was 12 years younger than me so kids in the house. Also other stuff. So my parents never knew what I was up to, I used to stay out all night, did a lot of partying etc. They never met any of my bfs and only eventually met my now husband after we'd been together 2 years. I could never talk to them about any personal stuff at all or to do with bfs etc as they were too busy fighting. It wasn't the easiest way to grow up. So I don't want that for my kids.

17 here, but only at weekends, as weekday mornings are too busy.

16 is fine for boyfriends staying over here. Lower 6th. Needs to be a proper boyfriend and not a one nighter though! I was doing that at 16 and it wasn’t too young IMO.

This thread is about teenagers and young adults, no? Not about married with children.

I respected my parent's religious views about sex before marriage, so when we visited, we offered to get a hotel rather than spend one night apart - I think that was worse because then the whole village would know I was sleeping with him!😂My dad put his foot down and we shared a room - we've been happily married for 25 years now - I doubt anyone cares anymore.

Why all the pearl clutching? 16 is a legal and sensible age to be sexually active. If your 16 /17 year old (and younger) wants to have sex then they will, whether you allow their partner to stay in your house or not. I'd rather they know they are always welcome in my house.

I wouldn't be happy with one night stands but a relationship is fine.

People who think 16 is not a sensible age for sex aren't pearl clutchers. We just think differently.

Absolutely.

16 is still illegal in some countries... It's 17 where we are.

Would you hear them at it? The thoughts of it in our current house, we'd definitely hear it going on through the walls 🤮

Before my girls (20/18/16) were in this position, I always said I would hate having their partners around all the time. We don't live in a huge house, a 4 bed detached, it's fine for 5 of us but cramped with more. I hated the thought of not being able to walk around in my pj's of an evening / weekend morning etc.

However, my eldest has been with her boyfriend for 2 years and they now tend to move around together so they are either both at our house or both at his. My middle one has recently got boyfriend and he stays over probably 2/3 nights a week as he isn't local.

I actually don't mind it now we are in it. We all get on great. They all pull their weight (most of the time). And then it's lovely when they all bugger off and it's just me and DH.

I wouldn't stress over it now.

My walls are thin too. Glad to not have the problem!

Surely you can ask them to keep it down though.

Son is 20, the subject didn’t really come up before uni as if he had a girlfriend we didn’t know about it.
We talked about it though and agreed that over 16 if it was a relationship and the girlfriend’s parents were ok with it then we would let them share a room.

During 1st year of uni he met a girlfriend and we knew they were sleeping together at uni so we let them share a room when she came to visit in the holidays, so he was 19 by then.
Will also let current girlfriend stay in the summer.

One night stands, no way, but he wouldn’t even think about that anyway. Established relationships not a problem.

I think it’s a case of raising respectful children who will ask and not assume so you can have a sensible conversation about it. Ultimately they are going to be having sex anyway so you don’t want to be pushing them into making decisions that are unsafe and putting them in a position where they won’t talk to you if there’s an issue. Son’s first girlfriend turned out to be abusive and coercive so we were able to have open conversations with him about it as we’d already started talking to him rather than imposing rules and pushing him away.

My dd is 22 and we have never allowed boyfriends to stay over. Full stop. Ever. Part of that is that Ds and I have autism and our home is our safe space and we’d feel incredibly uncomfortable having someone stay over. It’s never really been an issue. I actually think it’s encouraged dd to go off to university- she’s now in her masters year. She will be moving back home in July and is planning to find somewhere to rent nearby (once settled back here) with her friend. We have a close, great relationship but she know I wouldn’t be happy waking up to someone else in the house and that’s just how it is.

I have 2 girls aged 18 and 21. Both in relationships for over a year and we allowed sleepovers after around 6 months of them seeing each other. Both on the pill and I've stressed it's also important to use condoms as well. There very respectful and I've never heard anything and I think they'd be mortified if they thought we had.

Never had to deal with one night stands so I'm not sure how I'd react but I think it's very unlikely they'd bring 1 home.

We tried to be open about sex and I've stressed it completely normal but you have take sensible precautions to prevent sti's and pregnancy

I can totally understand though that it's hard to imaging how you'd react before it actually happens. I'm not sure what my answer would be a couple of years ago.

Allowed gf to stay over from 16. I knew the girls mum so we discussed it. I’d be fine with it if they spent equal time at the other’s house. I wouldn’t want them overnight more than a couple times a week - our house is not big and we share a bathroom and bedrooms are next door to each other.

Oh thank god I thought I was alone!😂

Our house rules are / were, from 18, steady girlfriends (not random ONS) are allowed to stay over with some notice so we know who is in the house. The caveat being quiet, discrete ‘behaviour’ (after a rather noisy episode when I feared the neighbours would think it was us!)

We allowed boyfriends/ girlfriends to stay. One of my daughters moved her boyfriend in for the whole of the covid pandemic lockdowns. She then dumped him after I had essentially funded his living expenses for uni!! 😂
To be honest he had essentially become part of the family and he was like my own son. He stills days in touch now.
Just have some basic ground rules and encourage open honest conversations and respectful behaviour.

They had girlfriends stay over from 16 (as long as the girl was also 16) but I don’t allow them to bring random girls home. I need to meet them a few times before they can stay.

🫢

Mine are 18 and 20. Neither have had a boyfriend yet so it hasn’t come up but I would not have allowed a boyfriend to stay over while they were still at school, or under 18. I would allow it now, but only a serious relationship.
I wasn’t allowed to share a room with DH at my parents’ house until I was married, and I was fine with that.

Another question, do all your teenagers have double beds?!

Over 18 and once in an established relationship. Not more than a couple of times a week perhaps.

No one night stands - I'm not up for meeting strange girls/boys at breakfast thank you.

Yes, they all have double/ks beds.

Ours do now. DS did from about age 17 because his bed needed to be replaced. We moved in 2015 and the beds were replaced at that time. DD was 17.