My 13 year old teenager's hygeine issues.

[Strawberrypie33]

It's the first time for me to deal with a teenager (DS is my first child), I'm guessing most of the time trying to figure out how to make a teen happy and im miserably failing 😂. Anyways my DS has indeed started puberty, his hormones are all over and so is his hygiene, he showers Sunday night and Wednesday night (I'd like him to shower more but that's my personal preference). I'm sure he's not using shower gel or even soap, for context he's on a hormonal growth injection he has been since he was 8 years old and I'm still injecting him as he has a fear of doing it himself, so he pulls his trousers down a little (this was after his shower) and he ponged like he hasn't washed for weeks, I asked him if he showered and he said yes, I said no more on the conversation, I raised this issue last night when I got a wiff (he smelled like wet dog)...we don't own a dog 💀.

I don't want to be the parent whose always on his case and potentially ruin our mother and son relationship but I need him to understand hygeine is very important I've had this talk before and it seems to be falling on deaf ears, I feel like he just stands in the shower and does nothing I'm really tempted to ask his dad to watch over him but I also don't want my DS privacy invaded or him feeling embarrassed. I have to wash his big alpaca hair because he can't, it's thick and curly, it's to much and he tends to wash it but still feels and looks greasy so I've taken over that, he okay with it, he's got something going on with his hands and fingers they are weak, he can't open a can of Pepsi sometimes (we are working on strengthening his hands, I've forgotten the medical term for it) but this is no excuse he still has to try, it's not hard to pick a sponge up and use shower gel or even soap!.

I've explained about his body change and im sure the school has too in a s€x education class, How to go about telling him about all of this without him falling out with me? I'm stumped...

I don't think the soap dodging phase is uncommon.
Weirdly I think it goes hand in hand with feeling extremely self conscious about their bodies.
Tempting though it is to point it out, shame is powerful and counter productive.
If he's showering twice a week that's a start 😂
I don't think my DSS bothered the soap either and just got wet for a while. Luckily he wasn't too whiffy.
I think gentle encouragement, the odd 'maybe use a bit more shower gel' next time, etc. All things being equal though, it does usually pass, about the time the hormones start triggering an interest in girls/boys.
It sounds like he has some other health issues going on too though?

I’m not sure the frequency of his showering should be about your personal preference. At this age a regular shower or bath is essential.
If you have noticed the smell, his teachers and peers will certainly be aware of it.
It won’t be pleasant sitting next to him in a hot classroom. You could get a call from school.
I’d make it a non negotiable and put in a new routine where he has a shower at a certain time before screen time or whatever his preferred activity is.
Try new products, different types of sponge or cloths whatever he can manage. I’m sure there must be adaptive products out there for his weak grip. Get strong deodorant too.
If you try and strategies don’t work then contact the pastoral team at school for help and support. They may be involved soon enough if he won’t wash and that would be embarrassing.

Perhaps I’m too blunt but I’d be telling him he needs to shower every day as hormones make teenage boys smell.

Buy him some brand name shower gel (whatever brand he likes) and tell him he has to use it.

It’s much better you telling him than kids at school.

I have been quite blunt with my lovely, but whiffy, adolescent. I just said, “please use more shower gel and remember the deodorant my dearest darling, as you pong”

My hands are not great thanks to arthritis I find a pump action body wash and shampoo are easier to use. But I would definitely be telling him.

Tell him he needs to scrub, top to bottom with a bar of soap and a flannel or net cloth including his neck, belly button, ears and feet so he smells fresher for longer
shower gel and a scrunchie often isn’t enough

He needs to shower every day using bar soap, he needs to wash his hair, nether regions and feet,then he needs to apply deodorant and clean clothes.

You need to find a way to make this happen. It's not being on his case and nagging, it's teaching him basic hygiene.

You really need to step up with the parenting here - hygiene shouldn't be a negotiable thing and you really shouldn't be worrying about nagging him or offending him or any of that stuff. You need to tell him very clearly that he's a teenager now and he needs to shower a) more often and b) more thoroughly and that deodorant and a regular proper scrub with soap instead of just wafting under some water twice a week is compulsory rather than optional. He smells. His friends will notice he smells. You can absolutely tell him that when he doesn't wash properly, he smells.

You mention his dad - if you can't have this conversation with your son, then his dad should have it with him. Probably easier for his dad to say 'Mate, you need to wash your pits and bits properly, it's a man thing' than it might be for you?

Sit him down and give him a proper talk and to hell with hurting his feelings.

If you don’t tell him that he has to have a shower at least every day then he is going to hear it from other children who will be quite nasty about him smelling badly.

I think you have to be quite straight talking with this. My son was a soap and toothpaste avoiding oik and really smelled sometimes. I’d just tell him he stinks.

We bought some manly smelling proper soap and a pirspirex which works amazingly well, biological washing powder helps too. I also showed him pictures of peoples with rotten teeth which seemed to do the trick with brushing his teeth.

He’s almost at the end of it now, thankfully. But he does a lot of sport so can be a bit pongy. He just gets told straight 🤣

GO AND HAVE A SHOWER YOU MINGER 🤣

Regularly at this age should be every day, if he refuses then you need to enforce it by taking away his phone/ WiFi off/ not going out, he's 13 it should be easy at this age,not like he's nearly an adult. He needs to do it first thing or before bed so you know he's showered daily, at this age they really can't skip a day.

He needs a daily shower. He’s a mass of sweat and hormones at the moment so it’s no wonder he smells.
He needs to be told that he is smelly and that people will start making judgements about him if his hygiene is poor. He needs to use soap and shower gel and really scrub himself.

You don't have to nag him or be on his case...but you do need to tell him that as he's now a teenager, he needs to adopt a different routine.

Nice and breezy ..

"Ds...now you're a teenager at secondary school, it's probably best that you have a quick shower every day before school...I've bought some nice shower gel just for you and left in the bathroom and some deodorant and body sprays in your room, make sure you apply them after your shower"

Job done

I think I must be quite mean reading some of these responses because with my teen DS I say "I love you, but you smell, go and have a shower and use deodorant".

A daily shower is non negotiable in our house. However, though not ideal, DS has his in the evening before screen time so it's a bit of a carrot for him.

God please just tell him and enforce it- you want his future life to be nice- not when his classmates remember him they remember his dirty 'alpaca' hair and the fact he stunk
Be a parent. It doesn't mean being nice all the time

Not sure if I’m doing parenting wrong, but if mine are stinky, I’ll say “ooooooof you didn’t put deodorant on this morning, off to the shower you pop” 😆

Like everything in life, there's a way of saying things. I wouldn't come out with a flat out ..you smell, unless they were totally refusing to keep themselves clean
I'd probably say, now you're a teen, you're going to smell if you don't have a shower every day...thats the same for all teens, not just you, so you must remember to shower and use deodorant every day now.

I have 3 teenage boys (two of which are ND). Daily showers, twice daily tooth brushing, deodorant and clean clothes are completely non negotiable in our house. They are told very bluntly being stinky is unpleasant for everyone. I don’t think that being gentle around teenagers in this subject helps anyone - and as I said, two of mine are neurodiverse, one very significantly so.

My friend has teenage twins, she’s much more relaxed than me about this sort of thing. There have been occasions when I’ve given them lifts and had to have the windows down even in winter. I think that however firmly I put it to my children about washing, it’ll never ever be with the meanness that their peers probably would say it…….

Parenting teens really is the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t it? 🤦🏻‍♀️

@LittleAlexHornesPocket I do the same where necessary! Works a bloody treat 😆

Come on - he smells
he isn’t showering often enough or well enough
get on top of the hygiene problem before he gets bullied about it
tell him from puberty people need to wash, use anti perspiration and wear clean clothes every day -
it’s a part of being a functioning person in society
I don’t understand why you are not onto this with gusto ???

We have a no screens in the evening until after a shower rule

It’s a fairly common phase I think. I was pretty blunt and said you need to do xyz and enforced it, now a year or so on and the issue is well and truly in the past.
It is better coming from you that he needs to wash more/properly rather than someone else.

Im quite blunt with my 12yo, you need to wash. I have he says, with soap and shampoo as you still smell. If I can smell you so can everyone else, If he can be persuaded swimming is good. A regular dunk in a chlorinated pool also dries out teenage spots.

My 14yo is much better so I think blunt paid off. Generally my rule is I have minimum standards I expect you to meet. If you fail to do so we will have long and boring conversations about those standards and what reasons you have for not meeting them. Continued failure and you can say goodbye to devices until you up your game. Backsliding and we will repeat the process.

Essentially if they don’t do stuff. I make it time consuming and tedious so it’s easier just to do it. Then it becomes habit.

My standards aren’t shockingly high. Wash yourself, put on clean clothes, dirty clothes go to utility for sorting / washing. Put away clean clothes. Stay on top of homework. Keep your room tidy ish. I don’t mind stuff lying around but no food detritus or dirty laundry. Do your chores one empties the dishwasher, the other loads.

He needs to shower at the very least every other day.

my son is a little younger but he also daydreams in the shower rather than washing so I have taken to putting washing away upstairs while he showers and occasionally shouting in reminders. ‘have you washed yet’ ‘are your teeth done now’ etc. and on a morning I just say ‘are teeth done? Is deodorant on’

Also I’ve bought him a dry roll on deodorant because I found the lynx was getting sprayed everywhere but the pits and wasn’t much use!

It's better he hears it from you than folk at school bullying him because he smells!!