My 13 year old teenager's hygeine issues.

[Strawberrypie33]

It's the first time for me to deal with a teenager (DS is my first child), I'm guessing most of the time trying to figure out how to make a teen happy and im miserably failing 😂. Anyways my DS has indeed started puberty, his hormones are all over and so is his hygiene, he showers Sunday night and Wednesday night (I'd like him to shower more but that's my personal preference). I'm sure he's not using shower gel or even soap, for context he's on a hormonal growth injection he has been since he was 8 years old and I'm still injecting him as he has a fear of doing it himself, so he pulls his trousers down a little (this was after his shower) and he ponged like he hasn't washed for weeks, I asked him if he showered and he said yes, I said no more on the conversation, I raised this issue last night when I got a wiff (he smelled like wet dog)...we don't own a dog 💀.

I don't want to be the parent whose always on his case and potentially ruin our mother and son relationship but I need him to understand hygeine is very important I've had this talk before and it seems to be falling on deaf ears, I feel like he just stands in the shower and does nothing I'm really tempted to ask his dad to watch over him but I also don't want my DS privacy invaded or him feeling embarrassed. I have to wash his big alpaca hair because he can't, it's thick and curly, it's to much and he tends to wash it but still feels and looks greasy so I've taken over that, he okay with it, he's got something going on with his hands and fingers they are weak, he can't open a can of Pepsi sometimes (we are working on strengthening his hands, I've forgotten the medical term for it) but this is no excuse he still has to try, it's not hard to pick a sponge up and use shower gel or even soap!.

I've explained about his body change and im sure the school has too in a s€x education class, How to go about telling him about all of this without him falling out with me? I'm stumped...

It all depends how children were raised from a young age, in terms of hygiene. If you bathed them every day with soap and washed their hair regularly with shampoo, then when it comes to a more independent age, they’ll start doing it themselves.
I know parents who just put their little kids in a tub full of warm water but don’t wash them with soap, just let the kids soak for a while in the plain water and take them out. It sets a bad example, and later they will think that just plain water is enough when showering.

My 13 year old showers daily, even maybe twice daily. He’s really actually good with his hygiene but I taught him from a young age when I still bathed him where to wash etc. Even places like arm pits when he was younger to get him ready; I think this has helped massively in terms of routine in shower etc.

to be honest I’d be pretty blunt with my son if he was that smelly. He needs to shower more. Especially at this age where hormones are increasing.

Hygiene isn’t an embarrassing or taboo subject.

Just tell him that he needs to be more thorough with cleaning himself and making sure he’s using shower gel/soap all over his body as he’s smelling whiffy. There’s no need to dance around the issue.

He should be showering daily and double shampooing his hair if it’s thick and unmanageable.

Youve said you don’t want to bring up the issue because you don’t want to ruin your mother and son bond. This is 100% your problem in the situation. You’re tiptoeing around things because you are scared to parent. You’re his parent not his friend.

This isn't a teenage hygiene issue, this is a parenting issue. Why on earth can't you say "hey now you're a teenager and get sweaty and smelly, you need to shower more often than you did when you were a kid"?? That's not offensive. And you're setting him up to be bullied.

Also you can actually type the letters s e x, it's not a bad word. Just like "darling go and have a shower" are not bad words.

And stop shampooing your teenagers hair FFS! Come on OP, harden up. He's going to be an adult before you know it, and will not even have basic hygiene skills.

Do it in a typical northern mum way, I’d just tell him straight, ‘you stink, go and wash properly’
straight to the point, no pussy footing around.

Tell him that he stinks and to get in the shower. Say it with love, or be harsh. Either way, it’s better he hears it from someone who loves him than a bully at school. I’ve had to say it to my teenager numerous times.

Showering for my DD is every night if school is on the next day. She skips showering on Friday night. Fine with me. Our rule is that if you’re going to be around other people and strangers you have to be clean because nobody likes stinky people. At home with just us it’s okay to skip a day.

Start doing a sniff test after his shower. If he still smells he gets back in the shower and cleans himself properly. Did it with my DD. Annoyed the heck out of her but she realised that it was easier to wash thoroughly the first time because I would indeed send her back into the shower.

Sounds like he needs a different haircut. He needs to be able to wash it himself. A shampoo/scalp silicone brush has been a game changer for my DD. It really helps to get through her hair and gives the roots and scalp a good wash.

No shower gel. Just ordinary soap. Back to basics. It will actually clean off the oil, sweat and stink. Definitely add a flannel for him to scrub the various pits and crevices. At the very least he needs to clean himself properly with soap and then use shower gel as a second wash and to add fragrance, not just shower gel as the main source of cleansing.

Apparently some men and boys think it’s gay to wash their butthole. Might want to ask if he’s washing it and using soap.

If he’s uncircumcised does he know that he needs to pull the foreskin back and clean under it? And wash his scrotum and around it thoroughly with soap?

Is he using a good antiperspirant and not just a body spray? He needs to use it straight after his shower before any stink develops.

Teenagers and their hormones can be stinky. It’s up to parents to remind them to clean themselves thoroughly and smell pleasant, or least smell clean and not of wet dog.

Sniff your teenager so no one else will smell them.

I went through this stage at 12 or 13 when I hit puberty. My mum said, ‘you smell of BO and need to wash more now that you’re a teenager’. I took the ‘hint’ 😂. Problem solved.

Real soap is not hard to use if you have hand problems. It’s also better - more effective. Let him choose a nice one - it may still be cheaper than crap shower gel as it lasts longer. Tell him to wash with soap every single day and tell him it’s not negotiable.

Maybe dad can sit outside the bathroom to keep him on track and to make sure he’s washing himself. DS can have his physical privacy that way. He can call out to DS and ask if he’s washed his pits yet, if he’s washed his bits and bum yet, washed his face, remind him to use soap (he’ll likely be able to smell the soap if it’s being used) etc. Dad can do the sniff check of him to make sure he smells clean. Dad can then do a second sniff check once he’s dressed to make sure antiperspirant is on and he’s put clean clothes/pjs on.

Better that it comes from you than from his friends!
Owner of a 13yo DS here too, and a sporty one at that. Showers every day before school and, when it’s hot like this, he may well need another one after school and before he goes to his club sport session. Weekends it is a bit different as, if he has a sport session at 9am, he can skip the shower until he gets back if he wants. If he does have one before he goes, he needs another when he gets back. As well as the frequency of his showers, I also had to remind him how to wash. He now gets through gallons of lurid smelling Lynx but it is better than teen boy.
As well as him, I’m now washing his bedding once a week rather than once a fortnight and do his towel & dressing gown a couple of times a week. He is also made to change more often. So, after school today for example, he’ll change out of his uniform into casual clothes before changing again for sport and then I’ll wash all of that overnight. A couple of years ago, he’d wear the same casual clothes for much of the week but that’s just not an option.
Even with all of the above, I still prefer the evenings I’m on sport drop off duty rather than pick up as a car full of teen boys who have spent 2hrs doing sport is ripe!
Does your DS also need a reminder on good hygiene after using the loo?

I’ve been through this with my 14 yo DS. He is AuDHD but seems completely unaware of the strength of his body odour. He’s also quite a well built kid and does a lot of exercise so he needs to shower more than the every other day he’s currently doing. It’s extremely frustrating.

Change to bar soap for starters, shower gel isn’t good enough. Soap is better. I make sure he’s not using body spray but proper antiperspirant. Sheets and shirts washed hot and I use laundry disinfectant with all his clothes. He gets upset if kids at school comment but I’ve realised that the whole process of showering is overwhelming for him and it can take him a while to work up to it so I’m gentle with reminders.

Take comfort in the fact it won’t last forever.

So he was born 10 weeks early didn't leave NICU till he was 4 months, had issues with feeding (not anymore 😂) and he was always behind on things, my older brother is special needs and also has issues with his hands and fingers so it goes without saying. I guess he's self conscious I mean getting him to take his hoodie off to wash his hair is like pulling water from a stone so I understand he just needs to understand that just pouring water on himself isn't going to cut it.

Oh yeah with out a certain of a doubt, I've already told him "you don't want to be that smelly kid in school" it just doesn't seem to seeping in, we've got shower gels like original source, radox and dove for men it seems he only washes with water, I'm clearly going to have to step up.

Parenting is picking battles and this is one I would pick to fight on. Its probably not pleasant for those around him and if he doesnt learn now he might struggle socially in the future

I've told him this "you don't want to be the smelly kid in school you'll get bullied" whether that goes in his head who knows I just want him to look after himself.

It's a first with a teenager so I'm new and still learning teenage lifestyle, but your right it's a must although socially he's not social he's introverted I still want him to maintain hygeine, I don't want him bullied.

I am very blunt with DS13. I tell him when he smells. Everyone here has a shower every day and are told to use deoderant. It’s far more unkind to leave them to stink and get picked on

My 7 year old son with ASD and poor fine motor skills / weak hand muscles and poor motor planning can now do a half decent job of washing himself in the shower or standing up in a bath, using a shower “puff” and a solid pump action shower gel. He still needs pretty specific instructions repeated every time but I can usually be hands off.

if your son has such weak hand muscles then I don’t suppose his bum wiping after a poo is up to much either which is probably making everything worse (we have same issue with my boy).

I feel for you! your thread has prompted me to go all in on the very specific washing instructions while he is young enough not to be embarrassed by it!

Apart from getting Dad to have a frank heart to heart with him, the only other slightly left field advice I can think of is to rope in a male acquaintance he rarely sees / will never see again and get them to give a supposedly off the cuff remark to him out of your earshot “phew mate I can smell you from here! So hot isn’t it, I’m showering twice a day atm to stop the pong” type thing. Maybe with an added “don’t want to scare the girls away” type comment if it’d have any impact.

I always just tell my 13 year old he needs to shower daily, brush his teeth twice a day and wash his hands after the loo.

otherwise he will smell and people will simply struggle to be friends with someone who smells badly, with the best will in the world.

Just a direct but very clear conversation. I’m lucky in that my boys shower daily and have rarely been stinky. I have said “You need a shower now”. Or “did you forget the deo - you smell”. I have had to speak to a couple of AU Psirs in the past whose hygiene was poor. Having my kitchen stunk out by a 20 year old woman wasn’t something I was expecting. It was so bad I gagged but she was totally oblivious.

If he needs you to wash his hair for him, then he needs a haircut. He's too old to have Mum doing this for him - and if his hair is difficult to manage then shorter is better.

With a mum that cares and seeks support like you, im sure he will be grand. Good luck OP

Same here. Non negotiable daily shower, with shower gel.

This is 100% a non negotiable in my house. Toddlers bath every night and as they move to showers that is an every morning thing. It just needs to be the expectation. I have 3 teens and they all shower every morning. My dd is a bit of a soap dodger by nature but I get it is harder for girls as they don’t want to wash their hair. It’s not acceptable to leave the house if you haven’t washed properly though. Buy some of that foamy shower gel. That never lasts long in my house. Fresh towels are also a must otherwise they smell musty from the towel. My sporty child (same age) showers multiple times a day as do all of his friends. One of my sons was a bit whiffy and I called him out on it - as did his older sister. Now he asks me to buy deodorant before he runs out and washes his clothes himself after he has worn them. He always showered daily. It’s your job to teach your child this.

We have a 12 year old. He has to be pushed to have a shower 3 times a week. If he doesn't have them he loses electronic time or his pocket money. He has been warned once he turns 13 he will be expected to shower daily and the same rules will apply to the pocket money and electronic time.