My 13 year old teenager's hygeine issues.

[Strawberrypie33]

It's the first time for me to deal with a teenager (DS is my first child), I'm guessing most of the time trying to figure out how to make a teen happy and im miserably failing 😂. Anyways my DS has indeed started puberty, his hormones are all over and so is his hygiene, he showers Sunday night and Wednesday night (I'd like him to shower more but that's my personal preference). I'm sure he's not using shower gel or even soap, for context he's on a hormonal growth injection he has been since he was 8 years old and I'm still injecting him as he has a fear of doing it himself, so he pulls his trousers down a little (this was after his shower) and he ponged like he hasn't washed for weeks, I asked him if he showered and he said yes, I said no more on the conversation, I raised this issue last night when I got a wiff (he smelled like wet dog)...we don't own a dog 💀.

I don't want to be the parent whose always on his case and potentially ruin our mother and son relationship but I need him to understand hygeine is very important I've had this talk before and it seems to be falling on deaf ears, I feel like he just stands in the shower and does nothing I'm really tempted to ask his dad to watch over him but I also don't want my DS privacy invaded or him feeling embarrassed. I have to wash his big alpaca hair because he can't, it's thick and curly, it's to much and he tends to wash it but still feels and looks greasy so I've taken over that, he okay with it, he's got something going on with his hands and fingers they are weak, he can't open a can of Pepsi sometimes (we are working on strengthening his hands, I've forgotten the medical term for it) but this is no excuse he still has to try, it's not hard to pick a sponge up and use shower gel or even soap!.

I've explained about his body change and im sure the school has too in a s€x education class, How to go about telling him about all of this without him falling out with me? I'm stumped...

I also have no problem letting him know when he stinks.

I was quite blunt with my DS when he started to stink- lean in and hug him and do a comical ‘oh you stink’ with a laugh, and constant reminders about deodorant using shower gel (found a mint one he loves the smell of) etc, also have to remove worm school shirts from his room as he will just keep wearing the same all week. I told him I don’t want him getting picked on because he smells when it’s such an easy fix… that is the reality of it…

Fine motor skills that's the term I was trying to think of, my son has had it a long time we have been helping him strengthen them. We are always on his case about wiping problem when using the loo for the code brown, I think he manages that fine but the washing part definitely not, both me and my partner had a sit down talk with him yesterday afternoon, we explained that we aren't having a pop but he must understand that if we can smell him others can too, he had a shower last night and thankfully he did a good job. I'll look into using pumps instead see if that improves and helps him.

He's not too old for me to wash his hair, he puts his head over the bath and I use the shower head to wash it he's not fully in a bath you know 😂, his hair type is thick and curly even cutting it won't help him get it washed properly, he has fine motor skills issues, he's also a teenager following hairstyle trends. I won't simply take that away from him unless he asked.

I’d just tell him the truth, two showers per week is not enough and it needs to change to daily. Tell him you don’t want to invade his privacy but if he doesn’t start using soap/deodorant/shampoo/toothpaste then his dad will have to supervise.
Better coming from you than his class mates pointing out he smells like a pole cat. If you can smell him so will his friends and teachers, It might just be me but I don’t know any teen boys like this, mine have always showered daily.

He will also need to be told how to wash his privates properly. My DH told my DS how to do this when he was old enough to wash himself at 4 years old.

It could well be that you or his Dad needs to actually observe and supervise his washing a couple of times. It could be that he doesn’t actually know what’s required to properly wash. Could you get him to put on some swim
shorts and show you how he’s showering? I know it sounds very prescriptive but something like ‘wet hair thoroughly, this amount of shampoo, rinse and rinse again. Now wash face body legs and bits with soap, now rinse and rinse again ‘. Dd needed to do this with 12 year old GS a couple of years ago and because he sticks to rules ( Autistic) he never now smells. He had early puberty so needed deodorant and proper washing from a very young age

Conversation should go something like this -
" I told you the other day you are quite smelly , and I don't think you are giving all your bits a good washing with plenty of soap / shower gel .
Unfortunately , you still smell , and if I can smell you , everyone else can also . So you either give yourself a good shower or I or Dad will be in the bathroom with you from next week. I'm sure you don't want that , and neither do we . So go up now and have a shower and use all the stuff up there .
We can also go and buy your own products next time we go shopping . Off you go ! "

You can buy soap bag that you put the soap bars in, easy to hold and non slip and will work better than shower gels.

Never even gave them a thought, I'll get a look into that, thank you

I mean this gently, either he takes care of his hair himself or he gets it cut off. I would imagine the hair if it’s only being washed once or twice a week also absolutely stinks. If he is hot and smelly like most teenage boys are then he needs to be taught to wash it every day in the shower. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis in my hands and still manage to wash my very thick hair every day.
My DS is a similar age and showers twice a day, it’s a non negotiable and has been for years.
Will he not be going on school residential trips? You aren’t going to be there to wash his hair then for him. Give him the skills to do it himself, he’s not a baby. Unless he has a serious physical impairment like a missing limb, he can wash at 13.

One of those mesh bags you get for washing powder tablets works fine!

Look on Amazon, I think I paid about £3 for 2