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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Worried sick about teenagers who won’t study

68 replies

Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 08:04

My daughter is 18 and doing her Leaving Cert (Irish a levels) in 2 weeks. She is dyslexic and refuses to study for any of this. She says it’s too hard. She refuses any help I could give her. I’d love to help her now but she refuses to accept it. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Cabbagefamily · 19/05/2025 08:06

With just two weeks to go, I think you just have to leave her to it. Is she likely to pass without studying?

Readytohealnow · 19/05/2025 08:08

She will learn the hard way when her friends are all moving on and doing great things and she isn’t ‘cos it’s too hard and I can’t be bothered to try’.

Not your responsibility OP. She is old enough to know how it works

Original poster
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 08:08

I don’t think she’ll pass without studying but I’m not sure

OP posts:
Original poster
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 08:10

Thanks @Readytohealnow I’m trying to channel this attitude and finding it really difficult

OP posts:
Koalafan · 19/05/2025 08:15

It's hard, but it is her life.
Dyslexia can make things hard - has the school sorted out adequate support?
Maybe academia isn't for her. Does she have other interests/skills which could lead to employment? Could she get a job where she could work her way up, if she wanted to?

Original poster
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 08:17

Yes @Koalafan she does have other plans and she should be fine in the future. I just can’t help worrying about the exams. It doesn’t really make sense

OP posts:
Koalafan · 19/05/2025 08:19

Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 08:17

Yes @Koalafan she does have other plans and she should be fine in the future. I just can’t help worrying about the exams. It doesn’t really make sense

I get that.
Maybe it makes sense to her, especially if she has other plans.
Tell her that you don't understand why she doesn't want to at least try, but also support and accept that it's ultimately her decision.

Original poster
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 08:21

Thanks for the kind words, i will do. It’s way over the top, how strung out I am. I’m not sure why.

OP posts:
2old4thisshit · 19/05/2025 08:21

Op I totally get this, and the infuriating ‘cos it’s too hard and can’t be bothered to try’ attitude from others really shows that they have no understanding of send kids.

My dd is sitting her GCSEs, she is asd, adhd, epileptic and serious mental health issues, she finds it so difficult to focus. The school have been horrendous and we both cannot wait until she leaves.

over the last month I have found a tutor who is near her age, this has worked and really helped her. She’s still not revising but she will sit with tutor. she has managed to go and sit all of her exams so far and is coming out positive.

Good luck. X

SALaw · 19/05/2025 08:23

2old4thisshit · 19/05/2025 08:21

Op I totally get this, and the infuriating ‘cos it’s too hard and can’t be bothered to try’ attitude from others really shows that they have no understanding of send kids.

My dd is sitting her GCSEs, she is asd, adhd, epileptic and serious mental health issues, she finds it so difficult to focus. The school have been horrendous and we both cannot wait until she leaves.

over the last month I have found a tutor who is near her age, this has worked and really helped her. She’s still not revising but she will sit with tutor. she has managed to go and sit all of her exams so far and is coming out positive.

Good luck. X

It’s not “from others”. It’s what the OP says in their post?

2old4thisshit · 19/05/2025 08:26

I am actually quoting @Readytohealnow
the op did not put in quotes those words, this is the ignorance that people push out because they have no understanding.

Rumbley · 19/05/2025 08:26

With two weeks to go op, even if she suddenly undergoes a seismic shift… it’s unlikely to make much of a difference sadly

I think just encourage as much as you can and brace yourself for results day

Koalafan · 19/05/2025 08:27

Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 08:21

Thanks for the kind words, i will do. It’s way over the top, how strung out I am. I’m not sure why.

She's your child, it's normal to want what you feel is the best for her.

slamdunk66 · 19/05/2025 08:32

Is there someone in school are can speak to? Perhaps a non family member can help her to come up with a plan. She might feel she’s left it too late but with a plan in place she can achieve a lot in 2 weeks.
does she have exam concessions in place?

Original poster
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 08:35

Yes she has exam concessions. Yes I think I’ll ask a family member, that’s a good idea. I agree that you can do a lot in the last two weeks

OP posts:
Rumbley · 19/05/2025 08:45

Focus your energies on the pretty inevitable results day and what you’re going to say and suggest for her next steps.

perhaps start some research on the lowdown based on the assumption that the results will be poor

DoYouReally · 19/05/2025 08:51

How did she do in her mocks?

If she has other plans, all as she needs to do is scrap a pass.

Even if she doesn't, she can repeat, do a plc course etc.

It's extra difficult for her because of her dyslexia and it's bound to be stressing her out.

You don't need to add to the stress. Keep telling her all she needs to do is her best.

Original poster
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 09:02

Thanks. I think I’m adding to the stress and I don’t want to. I want to help her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 09:06

She did ok in her mocks. She scraped a pass, I think. I better check that

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 19/05/2025 09:07

I get it but at 18 you have to leave her to it a bit - unfortunately if that means failing her exams she will learn the hard way.
For some comfort my brother never studied until 2 weeks before gcse/A levels then would shut hims in his room and only come out for the occasional meal and bathroom break! He did quite well regardless- it was just his way of working.

Original poster
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 09:09

The problem is @user2848502016 that I thought she’d do this. But she hasn’t. She’s terrified I believe.

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 19/05/2025 09:17

Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 09:06

She did ok in her mocks. She scraped a pass, I think. I better check that

That's all she needs.

For anyone with learning difficulties like dyslexia, a lengthy written exam is going to be one of their worst nightmares.

The leaving cert is almost like a right of passage. It's the minimum entry for a lot of jobs but really doesn't matter thereafter unless she has her heart set on university or college which she hasn't.

There are also multiple avenues she can take to where she wants to go....direct work, plus, college at a later stage.

So many people who struggled with the Leaving cert have fantastic careers now. A friend in mine owns his own very successful construction company, another has her own beauty business.

The last thing you want is for her to get too stressed to sit it or not to turn up. Focus on taking the pressure off and just getting her through the exams.

I think it's a lot of pressure for 18 year old, especially those that studying doesn't cone naturally.

These things all work themselves out in the end. She just needs to pass it.

LoremIpsumCici · 19/05/2025 09:17

I have a DD that is severely dyslexic. She literally could not study outside of school hours because of her dyslexia. Not only does it take dyslexics longer to decode writing into meaning and encode meaning into writing, it requires alot more mental energy. They cannot physically read/write for hours on end. Often a full school day is beyond their limit so they are exhausted. If you try and make them push through, it can cause brain fog, migraines and burnout.

They cannot cram, in fact they need a break from all reading/writing the night before an exam to have any hope of having the stamina to get through the intensive reading/writing of an exam under time constraints.

Please listen to her, she isnt saying its “too hard” as an excuse and she isn’t refusing to study, if she is doing revision in classes that is likely all the studying she can manage.

LarkspurLane · 19/05/2025 09:27

Bless her. She's saying it's too hard because it is too hard for her not because she's not bothered.
It's not the end of the road if she doesn't pass. She can retake it next year if she needs to or she might be able to move on and do something else.
What does she want to do next?
Exam time is so tough on parents who just want to help.

Original poster
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 12:09

Thank you so much @DoYouReally

OP posts: