Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Worried sick about teenagers who won’t study

68 replies

Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 08:04

My daughter is 18 and doing her Leaving Cert (Irish a levels) in 2 weeks. She is dyslexic and refuses to study for any of this. She says it’s too hard. She refuses any help I could give her. I’d love to help her now but she refuses to accept it. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 12:10

Thanks @LoremIpsumCici i think it’s very hard for me to understand as my brain works very differently

OP posts:
Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 12:11

Yes that’s it @LarkspurLane i just want to help and she won’t let me.
i feel a little calmer now

OP posts:
Ontothenextac · 19/05/2025 14:54

How has her attendance been OP?

YourAquaTurtle · 19/05/2025 17:00

Ok I have a good recommendation actually for this, because my daughter wasi n a similar situation a few years ago. She came across this health & wellbeing app on tiktok called luna (we are luna on the app store) and it has lots and lots of study tips and revision materials, but in a really helpful way that isn't too intense. And she could ask a question (she asked hers about revision methods and evening routines) to an expert and I read the reply and it's acutlaly good. I'd recommend this to motivate your daughter. Good luck, I know it's hard.

Scaredaboutthis · 20/05/2025 06:14

Thanks. We had a good day yesterday. No revision. But we stopped fighting.

OP posts:
Ontothenextac · 20/05/2025 06:16

Ok so op take yourself to results day when results will almost certainly be disappointing

you need to maybe begin to have a plan for that day in terms of what action can be taken.

what is your dd hoping to do?

i think the best bet is as you are doing. Just leave it be. It’s too late anyway to make a difference. So focus on what you can do, which is support and practically help come results day and onwards

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 20/05/2025 08:09

I'm with you. 18 year old doing A levels has basically not worked for 2 years. Any homework done is a quick, messy scrawl in 10 min and I was ridiculed for saying that the expectation at A level is 1hr study for every hour of class time. All essays last min, any talk of doing study being "I will, I've got next week", tanked both sets of mocks and said they knew what they needed to do and proceeded to not do it. Had one subject they thought they were going to do well in and tanked the coursework. Tanked the other coursework. While doing coursework consistently refused offers of help, of reading through together, of discussing ideas and themes, of having it proof read....

And now the exams are here and still no study.

Mine will either fail or get very low marks. One subject they may drag the coursework up because they did do well on the papers for those mocks.

Ultimately what can we do? We can't bail them out and do it for them and they will just have to learn to deal with the consequences. Thankfully these days there are other routes in to further education and other routes in to building careers or at least there are in England, I'm not sure about things for you OP. But my goodness I know they will be disappointed and it will all come out as an angry back lash.

I really want mine to apply for something abroad and just go off for a bit. I think they need it. Both the majority of week bring and the distance from home. All their mates are off to uni and leaving home and mine doesn't know what to do and so hasn't applied (which is fine by me, they need to work out what they want) so I think mine is feeling all at sea and left behind which doesn't help the study situation.

Ontothenextac · 20/05/2025 09:22

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 20/05/2025 08:09

I'm with you. 18 year old doing A levels has basically not worked for 2 years. Any homework done is a quick, messy scrawl in 10 min and I was ridiculed for saying that the expectation at A level is 1hr study for every hour of class time. All essays last min, any talk of doing study being "I will, I've got next week", tanked both sets of mocks and said they knew what they needed to do and proceeded to not do it. Had one subject they thought they were going to do well in and tanked the coursework. Tanked the other coursework. While doing coursework consistently refused offers of help, of reading through together, of discussing ideas and themes, of having it proof read....

And now the exams are here and still no study.

Mine will either fail or get very low marks. One subject they may drag the coursework up because they did do well on the papers for those mocks.

Ultimately what can we do? We can't bail them out and do it for them and they will just have to learn to deal with the consequences. Thankfully these days there are other routes in to further education and other routes in to building careers or at least there are in England, I'm not sure about things for you OP. But my goodness I know they will be disappointed and it will all come out as an angry back lash.

I really want mine to apply for something abroad and just go off for a bit. I think they need it. Both the majority of week bring and the distance from home. All their mates are off to uni and leaving home and mine doesn't know what to do and so hasn't applied (which is fine by me, they need to work out what they want) so I think mine is feeling all at sea and left behind which doesn't help the study situation.

How is the school managing this situation?

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 20/05/2025 11:37

School have been good. I've had phone calls from teachers to let me know results in case he didn't and they have arranged additional intervention sessions to try to boost learning. During practical coursework when the teacher had told them the labs were available for them to work on their projects and he was a no show the teacher checked his timetable and on seeing he had a free period called me to let me know. Obviously I couldn't do anything immediately as I was at work but it meant I could address it with him.

Unfortunately with an 18 year old you can't exactly force them. Plus we both work so if he's come home during free periods and we're at work then we can't do anything. He also has siblings who have needs too.

I'm disappointed in his attitude and I think he will be very down on himself come results day. All I can do is keep trying to help with last min revision and then support him to figure out a path in life. If we get negative then ask that will happen is he will internalise that feeling of failure and not being good enough which I think he is already doing of his own accord. He has 2 uni educated parents, I have 2 undergrad degrees, a masters and additional clinical qualifications and he has a very academic sister who is set to achieve very high GCSE results (not that his were bad. 5 in physics and the rest were 6+) so I think he's comparing himself and his brain is telling him he can't do it so he isn't when he is very capable.

Ontothenextac · 20/05/2025 14:17

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 20/05/2025 11:37

School have been good. I've had phone calls from teachers to let me know results in case he didn't and they have arranged additional intervention sessions to try to boost learning. During practical coursework when the teacher had told them the labs were available for them to work on their projects and he was a no show the teacher checked his timetable and on seeing he had a free period called me to let me know. Obviously I couldn't do anything immediately as I was at work but it meant I could address it with him.

Unfortunately with an 18 year old you can't exactly force them. Plus we both work so if he's come home during free periods and we're at work then we can't do anything. He also has siblings who have needs too.

I'm disappointed in his attitude and I think he will be very down on himself come results day. All I can do is keep trying to help with last min revision and then support him to figure out a path in life. If we get negative then ask that will happen is he will internalise that feeling of failure and not being good enough which I think he is already doing of his own accord. He has 2 uni educated parents, I have 2 undergrad degrees, a masters and additional clinical qualifications and he has a very academic sister who is set to achieve very high GCSE results (not that his were bad. 5 in physics and the rest were 6+) so I think he's comparing himself and his brain is telling him he can't do it so he isn't when he is very capable.

Is it independent school?

You sound, and rightfully so, disappointed. However, just as with the OP, I would channel your efforts at this point to D day ie results, and presuming the worst…. He will likely be turning to you for guidance. Have you thought about the next step?

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 20/05/2025 14:37

No, state school.

He's off interailing for the summer anyway, coming back for results day so not really doing much before then. He keeps talking about wanting to move out asap which I suspect is because all his friends are off to uni so he sees this as them moving out so I'm keen to support him of course but not to see him take any job and then spend a fortune in rent. Though looking at prices would give him a reality check anyway!

He has a part time job so hopefully he can up hours there then get a working holiday visa and leave for a while. Plan is very much to treat themfirst year after school as a gap year and then see. I've seen a few seemingly reputable avenues for internships abroad which could be worth looking at but not adding to his distractions now so saving it for after. He is entitled to an EU passport too if it came to it for working and living abroad for a bit.

Whatever happens we will be booking a nice meal to celebrate both his results and his sister's GCSEs together. It has a been difficult for them both as to top off all the COVID education crap their school was one of the worst affected by RAAC in the country so they lost most of year 12 (him) and year 10 (her).

He will find something, he just needs time.

Ontothenextac · 20/05/2025 14:41

Come results days
when all his friends are whooping and planning uni… your son will likely be very low as reality dawns on him.

Has he saved hard for inter railing and shown focus for that?

Ontothenextac · 20/05/2025 14:42

Score internship off your list I’m afraid
they take the cream of the crop

LouisCatorze · 20/05/2025 14:52

OP, your DD may still pull it out of the bag when required.

Just try to remain calm, cool and collected. Plan for all eventualities. Be supportive.

Good luck to your DD.

Andthenextafterthat · 21/05/2025 14:30

It has a been difficult for them both as to top off all the COVID education crap their school was one of the worst affected by RAAC in the country so they lost most of year 12 (him) and year 10 (her).

how? Given that they’re now in year 13 and year 11…. Nothing happened last year re Covid and schooling @OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea ?

RainyDayCoffee · 21/05/2025 14:55

Ontothenextac · 20/05/2025 14:42

Score internship off your list I’m afraid
they take the cream of the crop

What an unhelpful post!
There are other apprenticeships that do not take the cream of the crop

Andthenextafterthat · 21/05/2025 14:58

RainyDayCoffee · 21/05/2025 14:55

What an unhelpful post!
There are other apprenticeships that do not take the cream of the crop

That poster says her son is basically not going to get any a levels because he’s done so little.

So an international apprenticeship is probably very very unlikely

EarringsandLipstick · 21/05/2025 15:10

@Scaredaboutthis I'm also in Ireland - I have a DC doing Leaving Cert too (and one doing Junior Cert - he's stressing me out more than my LC child!)

You're sounding a bit vague about where your DD is at - you say she 'passed' her mocks - do you mean she passed each of her subjects? It's obviously different in Ireland (comparing LC with A-levels) as students typically sit 7 subjects, and count 6 for CAO purposes (3rd level).

Firstly, is she aiming for third level - university / TU place? What has she on her CAO, and how many points were they last year? If so, I assume she has applied for DARE?

If she isn't planning on going to third level, has she a PLC or similar training course in mind? If so, she will not usually require very high results in her Leaving Cert, so if that's the case, she can do the best she can in her exams, and just focus on the course next year, while she works out what she wants long-term.

If she is planning to take a PLC, you can help now by checking the supports available for her dyslexia in that college, and also, where she can go from there, e.g. is there a progression route to 3rd level? If there is, most universities are very helpful regarding requirements and transition; no rush to do this now, but early next academic year, contact the individual institutions to discuss this (I work in a university).

Back to the exams, while some study can certainly help now, it's too late for massive amounts of learning. Instead I would focus on the practicalities of each exam - the LC is brutal in terms of the schedule, so plan what she needs for each day and how she can be best prepared.

For revision, her teachers will almost certainly have given her revision notes / .ppt slides / areas to focus on, and these will be in Teams / Google Classroom, whatever platform the school uses. Focus on these, not the books.

Finally, for the subjects she is aiming to do well in, get her to do a few exam questions every day until the exam. Not for every subject - it's too overwhelming with 7 - but the 3 or 4 she really wants to focus on.

Most schools are finished / finishing for 6th years but most teachers are happy to be contacted until the end of next week, so if she has course work she wants marked, she can go to them still.

All of the above is a useful plan to maximise her LC experience, but also take the stress out of it all for her, and you.

Best of luck!

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 15:14

Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 09:06

She did ok in her mocks. She scraped a pass, I think. I better check that

Check what? That she did scrape a pass?

EarringsandLipstick · 21/05/2025 15:24

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 15:14

Check what? That she did scrape a pass?

Edited

What do you mean by 'scrape a pass'?

As there are 7 LC subjects, usually, do you mean she just passed all 7? Are they Higher or Ordinary level?

If you are saying 'scrape a pass' do you mean she got 7 H6s? Or 7 O6s? (Higher / Ordinary)

It's rare to talk about 'passing' the LC anymore, it's not really a thing/relevant - just the individual subjects, and the points for CAO

Usually, students do better in some subjects than others - I would then focus on those and what is possible for her. For example, if she had achieved a H4 (60 - 69%) in a subject in her Mocks, she's very capable of moving to a H3 in the Leaving Cert exam.

However, if she is doing all Ordinary level subjects and is not passing them, then realistically little will change before 04 June, and so focusing on staying calm, and her future plans makes more sense.

Pancakeflipper · 21/05/2025 15:29

I have come to the conclusion our teens know what to do to pass exams. They know a mix of revision materials. They know various ways to revise.

They know what to do.

So I'm trying to keep my mouth shut, noteye roll and just serve up yummy foods and keep family peace. It's hard work - my worry levels are a new levels!

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 15:31

EarringsandLipstick · 21/05/2025 15:24

What do you mean by 'scrape a pass'?

As there are 7 LC subjects, usually, do you mean she just passed all 7? Are they Higher or Ordinary level?

If you are saying 'scrape a pass' do you mean she got 7 H6s? Or 7 O6s? (Higher / Ordinary)

It's rare to talk about 'passing' the LC anymore, it's not really a thing/relevant - just the individual subjects, and the points for CAO

Usually, students do better in some subjects than others - I would then focus on those and what is possible for her. For example, if she had achieved a H4 (60 - 69%) in a subject in her Mocks, she's very capable of moving to a H3 in the Leaving Cert exam.

However, if she is doing all Ordinary level subjects and is not passing them, then realistically little will change before 04 June, and so focusing on staying calm, and her future plans makes more sense.

I am quoting the op

op said she thinks her daughter “scrapes a pass” in the mocks

It is all there!

EarringsandLipstick · 21/05/2025 15:36

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 15:31

I am quoting the op

op said she thinks her daughter “scrapes a pass” in the mocks

It is all there!

Sorry you aren't making any sense!

Are you in Ireland? You don't 'pass' the Mocks or the LC. You get a grade in each of 7 subjects (usually students take 7 subjects). 6 are counted for third level entry, which is done through a system called the CAO. It's similar in parts, but overall quite different to the UK system.

Rather than OP checking that her DD 'passed her Mocks', she'd need to check what grades she got in each individual subject, as this gives a reasonable indication of how she is likely to do in the LC, and then she can work from there.

EarringsandLipstick · 21/05/2025 15:39

Pancakeflipper · 21/05/2025 15:29

I have come to the conclusion our teens know what to do to pass exams. They know a mix of revision materials. They know various ways to revise.

They know what to do.

So I'm trying to keep my mouth shut, noteye roll and just serve up yummy foods and keep family peace. It's hard work - my worry levels are a new levels!

Some do Pancake - but many people don't! Usually they are better by Leaving Cert stage, but often struggle at Junior Cert.

I often see LC students panicking towards the end too - they know more than they think but get flustered. Especially compared to the A-levels (fewer subjects but in more depth), it's hard studying at least 7 subjects (and many do more - doing 8 is quite usual) and trying to do well in all of them.

It's really tough for them!

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 15:40

Scaredaboutthis · 19/05/2025 09:06

She did ok in her mocks. She scraped a pass, I think. I better check that

@EarringsandLipstick

ok so I read this post
and merely enquired “what” the op planned to check? That her daughter had indeed “scraped a pass” in her mocks?

better?