what would you say to teenage 14 year old son?

[Mumsfan]

We had went to cinema, afterwards we went to a noodle bar, I told kids they had £15 to spend, son said he go for the steak ramen, but that was £16.9 I told him, he said he pay the difference, (he can easily afford it, I still to pay him £56 for newsrounds he writes every day, £14 a week). For 15 year old daughter, I gave her 1 of the 2 slices of pork because she was not going to join us for dinner tonight, I then asked son if I could try one of the 6 slices of steak he had, he said he trade it for some of my food, I told him gave half my pork to his sister, so had nothing to give, he then said too bad, and continued finishing his bowl, I felt a bit rejected, if things were transactional between us he be on a massive surplus from me, just think he taking me for granted. how would you react if your child, would you I tell him I am his parent not a trading partner and he is where he is, in the uk where he much prefers compared to where he came from and at his school of choice because of me?

what a weird post. All over two bites of food?

that's even weirder

I can’t understand why you had food, he had food but your daughter was given 3 bits of meat from your bowl? All very odd

but yeah I’m with him - he paid for the steak

after cinema we went to noodle bar and they were told £15 each was the budget. most noodles were < £15
l don't give pocket money, it is earned, through writing newsrounds. daily news events which l go over with them once a week, takes ~15mins? for them to write the short paragraph, ~10mins?

Just feed your kids properly.

If you cant afford to eat out then don't and that is fine

All sounds a bit bloody weird imo

Well he was paying a bit extra for his meal so I suppose he felt that by giving some of it away that wasn't actually fair. Plus teenage boys are always starving and eat loads, so perhaps he didn't think he'd have enough food, bearing in mind that you didn't have anything to give him. Your daughter doesn't really come into it, other than you gave your food to her. You should have bought more?

Im totally ignoring the batshit way you have of paying your kids to write nonsense for you, very controlling and totally unnecessary but you are the parent there.

The bigger point is that you seriously do not understand that you made your son pay for his food, less than 2 pound but still HE paid for it and then you fed your daughter her budget friendly meal then you shared your meal with her for no extra cost and because you fed her part of your meal you fancied more food and wanted food off your sons plate despite the fact YOU made HIM pay the extra and you do not understand that YOU set the prescedent here for it being 'transactional'.

Are you always so controlling? Do you always pit your kids against each other because this gives a clear message your daughter towed the line and ordered within budget so she got rewarded with extra meat for no extra cost but your son ordered a bit out of budget, paid the extra himself for his extra meat which he rightly did not share with either of you as a child paying for a meal his parent is meant to provide as standard and he is the one now being painted as the bad guy.

The whole episode sounds tetchy from the start. Could you not buy him the food without looking for the extra £2? That would have set things off I think. He’s 14 not 24, a child. You have years of feeding and watering him yet.

How do your kids feel about writing this daily newsround? If you want them engaged with current affairs, there are other ways to do it.
For all I know, they may love it but if they don’t, you’re in danger of putting them off and causing resentment.
I know that’s not the point of this thread but it’s just odd.
Back to the point of the thread, what are your reflections on what happened and do you still feel the need to address this?

This is literally the exact scenario he'll be describing in therapy when he's older and trying to illustrate his insane mother and childhood experiences....

You need a MASSIVE rebalance OP.

Surely this post is a wind up!

Still weird AF. So what if they were slightly over budget? Are you really that cheap? Pinching pennies and counting bites? For real?

And those newsrounds as well... what's the point? If you want them to "earn" their pocket money, give them some housework to do. At least useful

you sound ill mannered and tight.

how would you react if your child
I would never ever ask, that whole food swapping thing at a restaurant sounds gross and I feel a bit reading this.

And to feel rejected? What a strange dynamic you are fostering in your family. each to their own I guess.

and he is where he is, in the uk where he much prefers compared to where he came from and at his school of choice because of me?

What is this nonsense?

I'm wondering if this is an adopted child from overseas. The "where he came from" sounds very disconnected from OP's own life.

Id say sorry to your son.

You charged him an extra £1.90 for his meal when he's 14 and then asked for some of his food after giving your own food away to his older sister.

The thought of you all passing slices of meat around and eating off each other's plates makes me dry heave.

You pay your kids to write a load of rubbish down about the days events. What tomfoolery is all this.

It's a horrible dynamic.

he is where he is, in the uk where he much prefers compared to where he came from and at his school of choice because of me?

Your post @Mumsfan is disturbing. You sound abusive. Please consider the dignity of this child whether foster child, adoptive or biological. He is young and needs love and respect from his care giver. Take an approach of giving not taking while he is in you care. Nurture him with love, attention and food. There is a place for strictness and but not the way you are going about it. It's easy to be abusive due to the power difference but you have the POWER op to change this and be kind and loving. Please choose this.

I agree it’s so weird! Why all the food swapping and why didn’t OP just order 3 separate meals without charging her son extra or giving her food to his sister? Why didn’t his sister have her own meal?!

I don’t think anyone likes being asked to hand over part of their meal when they have just started eating, it feels like you are being watched by seagulls waiting to swoop in. I hate people helping themselves from my plate or asking for my food. I don’t mind sharing if it’s agreed when ordering or something like tapas or sharing dishes but just helping yourself or asking for part of someone’s dinner is annoying and an act of dominance, There is no one who I can think of that would find it acceptable.

I found it was worse when I was still living with my parents and felt I couldn’t say no. I know some people are happy to eat from each others plates and pass food around but l agree with you it makes me feel uncomfortable and queasy!

The writing “news rounds” seems unnecessary and there must be more suitable ways for kids to earn pocket money that teaches proper life skills.

As for this -

he is where he is, in the uk where he much prefers compared to where he came from and at his school of choice because of me?

I agree with other posters that this an awful attitude and you chose to have a child so it shouldn’t be a surprise that you need to parent and make sacrifices

I’m baffled, what does “writing newsrounds” mean and what is the purpose of it? Have you left a country where a different language to English is spoken and writing about the news is helping them with their new language skills?

This is the third post in a row I’ve read today in the Teenagers section of MN about teenage boys, and each one has left me feeling sorry for the kids and baffled by the parents

What are newsrounds and what do they do with them?
I’m really sorry OP but I haven’t a clue what you’re on about.

Wow, I'm impressed with the newsround thing to get your kid writing. But honestly, it is still very petty to make him pay 1.90 for his steak ramen. It's no wonder he wants to make a deal for that slice of steak you wanted. But hey, he'd make a good businessman.

I would have just paid the extra for the steak dish. Life’s too short.