Do you think this is acceptable/would you allow it?

[Elliebob13]

17yo boy and girl. Been dating for a year.

Sleeping over occasionally at weekend or in school holidays. Only really on special occasions not every week. Being allowed in each other's bedrooms with the door closed.

Do you think that this is horrific/acceptable, or somewhere in between?

They're 17 and if they're being respectful in your homes, then I think it's perfectly acceptable, especially after dating for a year.

They’re 17, it’s fine

Yes, acceptable as long as they are taking precautions

My DC is that age; in a word—NO.

At 17 it’s fine. I’d be keeping on top of their contraception though, they’re still not adults and likely to be at least a little irresponsible

I'm not there yet, but I was allowed from 17, sixth form essentially (not that the situation ever arose before that tbh!)

It gives me the ick thinking of my children having partners over lol, but I think at 17 if they old enough to be driving, likely have part time jobs etc it would be daft not to allow it, if they're respectful. I wouldn't want my son to effectively never be here if her mum allowed it.

Realistically if they want to do something, they will find a way.

I'd expect both sets of parents to have had a serious contraception talk though.

It’s fine, but I’d be making sure I had regular chats about contraception / boundaries / consent with my own child

Yes imo it's acceptable

For my house it was officially not til 18. They knew in advance and respected it.
I know sneaky things might go on, I was a teen once but I don’t want it in my face til 18. That’s Uni age.

I left home at 17....

I think it’s fine and to be expected.

It’s fine, they’re over the age of consent.

Both my DD were 17 when we allowed them to have their long term boyfriends stay over in their rooms. But we trust our girls. They are sensible and respectful and treat our home as such.

I wouldn't like it, but for me it would be the least bad option. At least I know where they are, and can have a sensible conversation about respect/consent/safe sex.

When DC first starting having partners over I said I don't want to hear anything, and I never have!

So my very good friend of 20 years was disgusted with me for allowing this. I was a bit hurt to be honest as we've been friends for so long and have always confided in each other. She has a son a couple of year older and she said that she would not allow it, she was struggling to hide her disgust.

I certainly don't relish the idea, and yes to talking about consent and contraception.

But I think I'm being realistic. My parents were really strict about this type of stuff and it didn't help our relationship and I probably went a bit wild.

I wouldn’t allow it personally. No need to be facilitating such an intense relationship at their age.

That's my pov, I'd rather know he is safe and in his own house or at her house where I know the parents, than me say no and he end up trying to lie or be sneaky.

I had some really horrible seedy experiences because I was sneaking around.

The time they at my house you wouldn't know they were here,

I think you are being sensible, otherwise they will find other places to go/be alone together and if not overnight during the day.

I think you are being very sensible.

So you'd rather they had sex in an alley?

Really?! 17?! Do you not realise that they'll find a way anyway, but that may not be as safe etc as in their own home.

People have sex. Get over it!

It’s not about sex. I have no problem with being in the room with the door closed. They can go home to sleep until they’ve left year 13. Sex can happen at any time, doesn’t need to be at night and in my opinion sleepovers with boyfriend / girlfriends move the relationship to a more intense level which I won’t facilitate at that age

Of course I realise it. I still wouldn’t have it. They’ll have to get their own place if they want that level of intimacy. I wouldn’t encourage such a serious relationship.

@Pyjamatimenow got together with husband at 17, been together over 20 years now, happily married, my best friend. Our parents not 'encouraging' wouldn't have stopped us, it likely would have impacted our relationship with them though.