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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Mums of teen girls please advice as I haven't got a clue(and dads)

25 replies

2shoes · 10/05/2008 09:54

ds's gf is 14 nearly 15 and he asked her round today. her mum won't let her come.
she is very protective and has all the normal concerns. she doesn't know us, will we be in as well, where do we live. all normal stuff.
I have suggested,
she rings me
I pick gf up and meet mum
she has still said no.
is she being awkward not to accept any suggestions.
or is there something else I could have suggested?

OP posts:

Original poster

2shoes · 10/05/2008 09:55

(can't ring her as I haven't got number and they havn't got a land line)

OP posts:

MissingMyHeels · 10/05/2008 09:59

Could ds go there? She is probably worried about lack of control once at your house - will they be allowed in his room? How supervised will they be? etc

SSSandy2 · 10/05/2008 10:01

another time maybe just invite her whole family round for a relaxed meal?

Original poster

2shoes · 10/05/2008 10:01

he went there first date as the mum wasn't keen on her dd going out alone with him(he is 16) and he has been ok about them going out since.

OP posts:

Original poster

2shoes · 10/05/2008 10:02

SSSandy2 trouble is to I don't want to get too involved as who know they might slip up.

OP posts:

SSSandy2 · 10/05/2008 10:03

so they're allowedto go out on dates alone together but she is not allowed to go to your house?

Maybe she's just not allowed out full-stop today for some other reason, been grounded or something.

MissingMyHeels · 10/05/2008 10:06

Could you sit down with them all to discuss some ground rules - people have very different opinions on what teenagers can and can't do. If she really won't speak to you it does seem a bit awkward.

Is her dd grounded or just not allowed to see your ds? Maybe she is being punished for something?

MissingMyHeels · 10/05/2008 10:07

x posts! Bloody one handed typing...

brimfull · 10/05/2008 10:09

her mum sounds a loon imo

Original poster

2shoes · 10/05/2008 18:11

sorry I haven't been back(been mumming)
turns out as you might have already guessed that there is more to it than meets the eye.
mum and dd have issues and I think mum used today was just her way of punishing her dd. so lets hope next time she says yes.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 10/05/2008 23:55

I would Probably not allow a 14 year old girl to go round to a boyfrinds house. Parlty because DH and I don't relly like them to go on dates until they are 16.
We are happy for them to go round with groups of friends which include boys.

Original poster

2shoes · 10/05/2008 23:56

if you did(just say) what kind of things would you expect boys parents to do?

OP posts:

mumeeee · 11/05/2008 00:06

I would probably do what you suggested in your first post.

Tortington · 11/05/2008 00:10

i would be more than happy if the parents of the boyfriend or girlfriend took some kind of interest.

i have 3 teens ( as you know) out of all their friends ...all of them put together only two mums ring.

if my daughter had a 16 yo bf - i would be petrified - i just would - nothing against the boy - and i practice double standards here as my now 18 yo had a 14 yo g/f when he was 15nearly 16.

however unles your as thick as fuck - the worst thing to do is go all forbidden love on them

hls · 11/05/2008 08:37

Depends whether this is always going to happen or not. Will she ever let her visit?

Best action I can think of is to ask gf to allow you to speak to her mum- if your son phones her, could she pass the phone over to her mum?

Ultimately, you will have to accept her decision- it's her daughter- and your DS will have to see her at other venues!

Original poster

2shoes · 11/05/2008 18:57

custy are you calling me names

OP posts:

Tortington · 11/05/2008 19:37

no i was calling the other mum thick as fuck.

you know me - never say anything to your face.

Original poster

2shoes · 11/05/2008 22:38

OP posts:

duchesse · 14/05/2008 15:39

Sounds like a sensible mum to me. After all, it's her daughter most likely to get pregnant...

Leenie · 15/05/2008 22:43

i have two teen girls approaching 17 and 15, me and dh do allow them to bring their bf home and we always show a big interest in their plans, my rules are that if there is a group of them ie, girls and boys they are allowed in their rooms with door open, they make too much noise downstairs, also its more of a friend thing in a group, but if its just bf coming round for an hour of so, its strictly downstairs and dh makes his excuses to go to the kitchen every so often, i want them to see we are putting trust in them, they appreciate this and don't take the piss, my girls have mates whose parents dont allow bf home, and the horror stories i have been told ( sex in cars, parks ...allsorts) i feel better knowing their in our homewhere we can keep an eye, if as on one occasion my dd2 went to her bf's for tea, i called to make sure his mum was going to be there, on the whole my girls are honest about who they are going out with , i don't think they would have been had we not been so open and honest and respected their wanting to have a bf.

KatieScarlett2833 · 15/05/2008 22:52

LOL at "forbidden lurrve". makes me think of "Angelo" by the very stylish Brotherhood of Man.

Original poster

2shoes · 16/05/2008 11:11

good news. her mum has just rung all ok. sounds like there are other things going on. so her mum has to be extra careful. so as long as they don't have a row. gf will be comming tommorow.
Thanks for all the advice and imput I will being taking all onboard.

OP posts:

Original poster

2shoes · 16/05/2008 11:12

duchesse

OP posts:

Tortington · 16/05/2008 14:02

oh good all worked out in the end.

you cant really keep people apart becuaes they might get pregnant - hopefully our respective parenting skills can do a little better

duchesse · 16/05/2008 14:14

I thought not so much the keeping them apart so much as the being sure that adequate supervision would take place at the OP's house that might have been bothering the girl's mother. But then, having commented earlier in the week on a thread about a 13 and 14 yr old having sex while their mums were downstairs having coffee, even adequate supervision isn't a guarantee... It's not necessarily a rational reaction, just a gut reaction to protect one's child. Reminds of my mad nutty friend who won't let her 15 yr old get contact lenses because "she'll get pregnant". (Wish it really did work like that btw )

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