teenage party culture London

[SEmum1974]

How normal are drugs at teenage (14) parties? We moved to South London - from a smallish town with 14 year old DD earlier this year and I'm a bit shocked by the party culture here. DD was invited to a pre-new years party this evening and it seems apart from alcohol some teenagers also bring edibles and ketamine to these events. I don't know if this is usual or if she just made friends with the wrong people?

I have an 18 year old and we live near you OP. She's never taken drugs AFAIK. She goes to mates' houses and house parties but afaik has only drunk the odd beer or rum & coke. Her friendship group are mostly sensible sorts and go out as a pack. I tell her to get on a bus or tube if she's separated from her mates.

I agree, I see more private school sixth formers off their faces at various times of the year than anyone I think might be attending state.

It's the norm where I am ( in the sticks in SW England).

I'm just north of London, and it definitely happens here. It is somewhat school dependent amd friendship group dependent.

DS1 was sporty, and his friends drank a fair bit, but most didn't smoke or take ket. Other friends in his wider friendship groups definitely did, but those was from 16, not 14. There are two other schools locally (one private one state) which had a real reputation for parties from 14 years, lots of drugs.

DS2 is a different secondary and his lot have only started having the odd cider at 17 years old.

Yes this. I have 3 teen dc in South London and the only friends who bring drugs to parties are the private school crowd. My kids and their state school mates have alcohol and vapes

SE London here and it utterly depends on the crowd.

DD (then 16) had her first "proper" party when she attended an 18th birthday party of a fellow Scout. She knew there wouldn't be any alcohol for her, the boy was actually stricter than the parents of an 16th birthday girl a year earlier.
It got actully comically when DD discovered that her old childminder was also a guest, she is a member of the same running club.

But she often mentions that certain crowds in her school from Y10 onwards are kind of proud that they were utterly hangover on Sundays and another secondary school around the corner has a reputation for 14-17 year olds to be involved in vaping, drugs and alcohol.

DD is now 17 and while I know she had alcohol at a party, she tells me about it and we had lots of conversations about it and also about rape drugs, recreational drugs and that she is utterly disgusted about it.

Keep the communication open, the more your DD is sharing the better and ensure she always has the means to come home when she feels uncomfortable.

I'm another parent of teens in SE London. It's very crowd dependent, my 14 yo is at a single sex school in a less wealthy area and there's none of that yet. I really think it depends on where the money is and how liberal the parents. I grew up in Clapham and we drank and did drugs from 14/15.

I agree it's not just London, here in the SW it is common (but of course not universal) for kids in Y10/11 to be taking ketamine. Drug taking is also very common among the parents of my DS's friends (and some will share with DC). These are all middle-class state school kids. Luckily he is fairly cautious and has not got involved (yet) (so far as i know).

I agree with you OP that it is shocking and that their brains and bodies are just too young to be experimenting with drugs. My DS knows people with bladder issues etc. We also know kids who have come through that phase and are now thriving at uni etc. but it is an awful risk (and I worry about how vulnerable teenagers are if they are off their faces).

Sounds like Surrey in 2000s. I think if there's money, there's drugs

I'm big city with 14 yr old DC. Mine isn't seemingly not interested in big parties. Sticks with small group of good mates. Odd drink with us. Sporty crowd. Hear stories of alcohol / vaping at parties but never drugs: only older ones. Suspect round us it's the richer kids and areas or the other end of spectrum where high school kids are involved in the trade where drugs more common

Same here and probably living quite close to you OP. My daughter is 15 and there's no interest in drugs amongst her friends as yet. It's not unusual but it's not everywhere & she doesn't have to get involved in it.

I live very close to where you are OP and some of friend’s DCs are attending these sorts of parties from very early on. Lots of uptake from the nearby private schools - DD attended a couple of these parties when she was younger but wasn’t really into the drugs (but definitely drunk and vaped) she’s sort of grown out of them now and hangs out with her mates at the weekend.

It’s the “popular” crowd that seem to party young. Dd1 had her 6 girl friendship group and didn’t go to parties until year 12. Dd2 now 16 has been going to teenage private school parties for the last few years. There are drugs at these parties she’s quite open about it but it’s not her thing. She says it more the boys that are into drugs. Scary age to parent.

I suggest you watch " the party" episode of Amandaland, that pretty much sums the whole thing up....

Also read "Living with teenagers" both v. funny and will make you feel so much better.

Not drugs but my 14 yo DD has been drinking on three occasions during the past week, including going to sea cadets 'tipsy' (her words). We just discovered last night as she was found wasted in a nearby park with a friend. I'm horrified and really worried. Is this normal?

No not really tbh and I feel for you. I would be worried too! Is it her friends? Do you know who she was with?

My youngest is 15 and does drink at parties but even then only 2 or 3 drinks. And at outside of that nothing really. Maybe a small cider if the older siblings are home.snf have friends round. Older ones are the same tbh..and the eldest was a pretty wild teenager...

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would say it’s normal for teenagers to drink but I would also say that sounds far beyond what would be expected, especially at 14. It does sound very dangerous for her to be “found wasted”. Was she alone? Do you know the friends she’s mixing with? Is there anything more going on either at home or socially that may be causing her to act out like this? I would reach out to the school to see if they can point you towards some support as mid-week drinking is a lot for a teenager. Where is she getting the alcohol from?

I grew up in sw London and drugs were absolutely rife both among state and private school.kids. however. We had the 90s rave scene and easy access to all night parties.

We were drinking cider etc at 14...15.

Then acid..ecstacy..ketamine. and this is 30 yrs ago so nothing new.

They shld decriminalise drugs and make them safer to use.