teenage party culture London

[SEmum1974]

How normal are drugs at teenage (14) parties? We moved to South London - from a smallish town with 14 year old DD earlier this year and I'm a bit shocked by the party culture here. DD was invited to a pre-new years party this evening and it seems apart from alcohol some teenagers also bring edibles and ketamine to these events. I don't know if this is usual or if she just made friends with the wrong people?

Dulwich & at private school will likely have more access than a state in a cheaper area.

Christ. How depressing.

We left London when our kids were still young (now teens). Met up with friends still living there just before xmas and my jaw was on the floor when they chatted about what their kids were up to at parties - the parents are clued up about what’s going on but seem to think it’s a fun ‘normal’ part of childhood…!! These were all private school though so maybe the sheer ridiculous wealth of London leads to this…

We didn't 😳, maybe we were sheltered

That's what I keep trying to tell myself. Older DD no issues at all - maybe it was just her rather than the location.

I have friends with kids that age and no not normal for them at all! That sounds horrendous.

That's what I remember - but then I have never felt so ancient as today

It's nice to hear that it's not everywhere.

I think it’s just affluent areas, maybe not everywhere but this is around in London and the West County, as far as I can see, though perhaps a wee bit younger in London.

It is a bit the wrong friends too, so you might look at school options. But you couldn’t stop her being a party teen for all that much longer regardless of where you are, if that’s the way she wants to roll - the main thing is to keep a close eye and make her aware of risks. We had a rule with my stepkids that there grades couldn’t drop, and they had to call us back in 5 mins, or they’d be grounded, if that helps any.

I did wonder whether availability of money fueld this. No idea what drugs cost - but surely they're not pocket money prices.
The social circle does seem to include both private and state school kids here, no idea which ones bring the drugs (maybe I should ask).

Honestly I think it’s more likely where there’s money.

Depends on the circles they move in. DD’s friends have definitely tried weed but would more likely drink alcohol and would judge people taking any drugs other than cannabis (which DD claims to have never tried but I’m not that naive).

It does help, thank you❤ . DD is very social, and loves hanging out in big groups etc. , so it would be hard to stop that - but maybe there's a compromise somewhere that doesn't involve us all becoming hermits somewhere or homeschooling (joke). At the moment she's still talking to me about it all. I just don't want this to be normal.

I grew up and went to school in Dulwich. Of my closest 12 friends I’d say 70-90% were taking class A drugs (mostly ketamine or ecstasy) most weekends from about 14. All of us graduated university, 7 have MAs, 5 of them have PhDs. No one has a damaging drug habit now. Most are married/in relationships if they want to be, with children if they want them. I would say in those “foundation schools” circles drugs are definitely more prevalent but that doesn’t define a person necessarily. I would take it on a case by case basis and encourage her to focus on individual/small group friendships rather than big generic parties where it is easy to get swept along with things.

It isn’t anything to do with London. It really depends on your teen and their friends. Some teenagers like to live to a more edgy lifestyle than others. House parties always were notorious for drinking, drugs, smoking and sex. I wouldn’t let a 14yr old go to one but teenagers find ways round their parents if they really want to.

This area is rebound for illegal, underground raves for underage children. I say that from experience I remember being invited to those places in South London when I was a teenager and it was quite appalling and truly just the devils playground. It sounds like your DD has got in with the wrong crowd and I would strongly urge you to try to move back to your lovely, quiet town for a better life or if that is not an option please try and warn your DD of the dangers associated with these people and the places they are inviting her to, please be very vigilant and supportive of your daughter at this time so she knows how to choose right from wrong, all the best 💐💐💐

That sounds scary. I know it doesn't define people. And I'm really glad your friends did well academically (you obviously got into your subjects :-) with 5 PhDs ). But class A drugs at 14, it doesn' t feel like it should be normal - it seems so young and so risky. Not everyone is lucky enough to dabble and leave it behind. If only everyone could.
Really good advice about small group gatherings - learning what matters socially (real friends) and what is only superficial (random big gatherings) is something I think about a lot at the moment.

I live in London. I hear stories. It’s definitely more about friendship circles. It’s horrible and shocking but it also doesn’t surprise me. I wouldn’t let my daughter go to a party like that. Birthdays - sure. A friends daughter at 13 went to a Halloween party, the mum dropped her off and didn’t let her stay as she could see that there were older boys, it was more about being sexy than scary and it looked more like a college party.

Living in London is very hard with teens as it can be a scary place. But there is equally lots of positives when on a good path.

Id say it's not London as same anywhere. Agree more likely if private school related

You are so right. Some of the outfits some of the girls were wearing 😱(and they're so young - where do they get it from ). The boys were the same age, but still, when did it get so sexist - what happened to a bit of teenage feminism.

We don't live in London but affluent area and private schools and wth 4 kids, youngest being 15. Never heard or seen anything like it. Loads of parties, very many at our house and plenty of booze and vaping but that's it. No weed either or any type of drug.

I would be extremely concerned and wouldn't class it as normal.

Plenty of 'sexy' dresses etc but it is just a phase at 14/15/16 then it all calms down...

I remember doing speed at a party when I was 15..
Not in London but it was a city.
That was a very long time ago.
Drugs are everywhere sadly. The exact drug that's trendy or readily available is subject to change. But I do think a large portion of teens will come across drug use at some point.
Sounds like your daughter is a good sensible girl. It's great you have such an open relationship and she was honest. Keep that up.and you can't give far wrong.
You can't keep them in a bubble. Sounds like you are parenting well and she's making good choices.
I don't think this type of thing is specific to any area. It's not even specific to wealth or poverty. Where there's teens at a party you'll occasionally find drugs.

Private school? State school? I suspect hosts were private schools kids and their parents provide some of the drugs and drink, in the belief that if it’s done at home then they are safer.

forgetting that the challenge of actually sourcing drugs makes it harder for kids to m actually take them.

Honestly I think it’s more likely where there’s money.

Yes & for many it’s normalised in their circles eg the parents used to partake & some still do. I grew up in a then rough part of London & of course saw drugs but I saw the fallout eg drug related crime, addictions & the fact a black kid on an estate caught with weed is far more likely to be arrested than a white kid at private school. So for me drugs had more of a bad association, if you are privileged and sheltered from the fallout then you are much more likely to be blasé towards them.

Posters above are naieve, it goes on everywhere, London, all over. Agree with pp's re it just depends on your dc's friendship group. If they are sporty or not into it through choice, or many other reasons. Even then to try something is not unheard of.