Is it unreasonable for an 18 year old to get kicked out for not paying rent?

[Meowmeow2008]

So I talked to my parents about not wanting to contribute to Christmas dinner. I'm at home today because I was sick. My dad (not biological if that matters but he's been in my life for a while) mentioned that he'd charge more rent when I'm 18. I plan to stay in education at 18 too so I mentioned that and said ok, if I can afford to pay more when i'm 18 then fair enough. And then he added that he'd just kick me out if I wouldn't pay. I already pay board for context but I'm gonna be honest, I've been thinking about leaving my job because I'm in college and want to focus on that, it's getting hard to keep up with a part time job. I really don't want to talk to them about that because it might disappoint them or ill get shit talked by extended family for being lazy.

I kinda feel disturbed by that. My mum probably wouldn't be that blunt about it and I don't know if she knew that he'd say that either. She's generally pretty supportive. Like she was very supportive when I got sectioned a year ago and helped me with some mental health issues (i've never been violent or anything BTW, I know some people think that mental health equals violent behaviour but it was more self harm/suicide and eating disorder related).

I want to talk to an adult outside of my family about this but I'm unsure if its just a usual falling out thing with him. Also idk if it's worth bringing up to my mum, she might already know anyways. I'm getting kinda anxious, he wasn't being rude and he literally never shouts at me because I'm pretty well behaved and I thought he liked me. I'm also wondering if his actual point was fair because ik I'd be an adult at 18 too.

This is all well and good if the person isn’t struggling with poor physical or mental health and/or a disability. Your special attention is indirectly ableist and focussed not on skill but capacity for more than full time work. I hope you realise this.

What the hell? You are a child and their responsibility. If you’re earning then great. Reduces their need to help with clothes and stuff but honestly your part time earnings at your age should be for fun, savings and driving lessons and just being young. Am angry for you.
How can anyone think a child stops needing supporting at 16?!!

How many hours do you work? What is your pay and how much do you pay your parents?
it sounds really unreasonable to be charging a child in full time education rent.

You don’t see it as abuse because it’s your normal. Later, with hindsight you will fully understand it. I see others have picked up on it too.

It’s way beyond teaching you work ethic because they are expecting you to work and succeed in full time education while struggling with poor mental health that would have an adult signed off work! An adult would not be expected to do full time work/study AND a second job while suffering what you are suffering. Then to threaten you with being kicked onto the streets at 18 unless you give them more money is absolutely abusive.

I would wager your parents are a major cause of your mental health struggles- being put under huge pressure and stress and being told calmly that you’re not doing enough and are a disappointment is an insidious type of abuse because they are acting like they aren’t asking much, that what they expect is totally normal and it’s just you that is falling short and being difficult. Abuse depends on gaslighting like this to make you think the abuser isn’t being abusive.

Please see your school safeguarding or pastoral care on this.

Yeah I'm going to talk to my mum first and then another adult about this tomorrow maybe, I'm still not sure if it's actual abuse but it's just stressful

Firstly, please never just assume that your mum and stepdad are on the same page and that she knows what he said. I fell for the 'We are united, we always discuss everything and agree" line at 18 and left home feeling unwelcome to stay. Many years later it turned out there were all kinds of things my dad was never told. Talk to your mum first to check what her views are.

There is no housing benefit available for under 25's anymore so do your best to not leave home until you are earning enough to afford it. Your best bet is education or something type of vocational qualification so you can get your feet on a career path and earn a decent salary later, but that could take a few years to build up to.

Please ask your college staff who the designated safeguarding lead is and ask for a meeting with them and explain it all. They can go through what help would be available to you if you're made homeless. There is also an option of emancipating yourself from parents which may make you eligible for benefits and housing support when you're 18- something to look into.
I'm not surprised you're stressed and anxious with the threat of this hanging over you what a stressful home life you currently have.

Have I understood correctly that you are only 16?

If you have a good relationship with your mum it would be wise to have a conversation with her on your own regarding your stepfather’s comments. Even if it was a throw away comment that he would not follow through on it’s clearly causing you a high level of anxiety which is not good for your mental health, considering your history.

It would also be helpful for you to speak to student support at college to see if they can offer any advice or support.

Your studies are your priority, particularly if you want certain grades to access further education. Part-time working is great for experience and future education/job applications but, legally, you are still a minor and your parents are responsible for your welfare financially. Any money you earn is not to pay rent with at this age.

Try not to worry. 🙂

Dear MeowMeow2008: Good to read so much extremely useful, focused, sensitive & empathetic advice on here. And everyone sending you their support. You sound like a very lovely, responsible, sensitive young person. Take the advice. Talk to student-support at school/college. Follow up the leads.
I hope you will go on to do excellently well at uni.

Don't be put off. Everyone's rooting for you on here!

I think your contribution should be nominal while in education.
Agree with PP child benefit stops after 31st Aug.
Also agree talking to college and /or your mum. I left home at 15 (DP 16 also) and it made us do the opposite (IE make sure it's better for our kids).
Our youngest is 1 or 2 years older so not sure if it applies to you (maybe another poster can confirm)but there was a few years where the government put in a fund for every child (not there now but can't remember which years it was active)-anyway our youngest got his though after turning 18 so if you do it maybe good for a deposit/or a contribution (I'd think deposit)

On a more practical level - talk to Social Services. They have charities that provide supported accommodation for 18 y/o with mental health issues or at risk of being made homeless.

They then set you up with Universal Credit etc so you can continue to stay in Education.

There will be lots of people saying I'm spouting rubbish but I know kids who've done this.

Talk to your mum.
Its outrageous to be honest!
especially as you have managed to get your self through the past mental health challenges.
it’s disgusting he’s doing that in my view.
Talk to your mum, The. Talk to them both.

Have a chat with your Mum & let her know what he said & that it has you feeing very anxious. Let her know you're struggling with working & balancing your college studies & that's a worry too. Ask her how you're supposed to pay more when you're 18 if you're not earning anymore than you are now. If you can't afford to pay anymore then compromise by offering to do a little more around the house. You could offer to cook meals now & then or clean a bit more, not just your bedroom if that's all you do now. If you're offering to do what you can when you can then I'm sure it'll be appreciated & you won't be expected to pay money you can't afford.