Is it unreasonable for an 18 year old to get kicked out for not paying rent?

[Meowmeow2008]

So I talked to my parents about not wanting to contribute to Christmas dinner. I'm at home today because I was sick. My dad (not biological if that matters but he's been in my life for a while) mentioned that he'd charge more rent when I'm 18. I plan to stay in education at 18 too so I mentioned that and said ok, if I can afford to pay more when i'm 18 then fair enough. And then he added that he'd just kick me out if I wouldn't pay. I already pay board for context but I'm gonna be honest, I've been thinking about leaving my job because I'm in college and want to focus on that, it's getting hard to keep up with a part time job. I really don't want to talk to them about that because it might disappoint them or ill get shit talked by extended family for being lazy.

I kinda feel disturbed by that. My mum probably wouldn't be that blunt about it and I don't know if she knew that he'd say that either. She's generally pretty supportive. Like she was very supportive when I got sectioned a year ago and helped me with some mental health issues (i've never been violent or anything BTW, I know some people think that mental health equals violent behaviour but it was more self harm/suicide and eating disorder related).

I want to talk to an adult outside of my family about this but I'm unsure if its just a usual falling out thing with him. Also idk if it's worth bringing up to my mum, she might already know anyways. I'm getting kinda anxious, he wasn't being rude and he literally never shouts at me because I'm pretty well behaved and I thought he liked me. I'm also wondering if his actual point was fair because ik I'd be an adult at 18 too.

When I was 18 you could rent a room on your own for a tenner and wages were £25 a week so I thought I was minted. But this is now and its ridiculous to suggest that a 16 year old should be paying now, and that at 18 "parents" will have their hand out for more.

@IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973

I think you must be older than me because renting a room for £25 definitely wasn’t a thing when I was 18!

I hadn’t picked up on the OP only being 16. I just wanted to offer a different perspective that contributing financially to board at 18 is not unusual in some families, nor is working part time while studying full time. I learned some of my most important life skills in those part time jobs and I learned to be efficient with my time management around my studies. These can be really essential life skills and I do worry a little that the younger generations are missing out because they aren’t given as much responsibility as my generation (Gen X here).

It would be completely unreasonable for the OP’s family to charge market rates for board or to charge more than she can afford on a part time salary. It really should just be a contribution towards the food shop. Of course it’s horrible to suggest to a 16 year old that she may not be able to stay, but was that said in earnest? The OP seems secure that she wouldn’t have to leave.

But as the OP is 16 I think it would be best for her to find a counsellor through college who can support her in person - rather than a bunch of strangers on mumsnet.

Just to add- when I am hiring candidates for jobs I take extra note of those who have balanced part time work with full time study because of the extra skills that come with this. I’m referring to 18+ year olds, not 16 year olds. OP- just something to think about as you plan for your future. Good luck

Op I’m sorry you’re in this situation. You’re 16 and still a child, why on earth are they making you pay board whilst you’re in full time education.

we were dirt poor growing up, but my mum never made any of us pay board whilst studying, even if we had a part time job.

Is there a trusted adult you can speak to at college? Or a pastoral care team there? You are doing the right thing trying to talk to someone and supporting your mental health.

When you make it to university, maybe it’s worth finding one a bit of a distance from home so you can move into halls and start to build yourself security x x

Some parents try to manipulate their offspring to do what they want by forcing the issue.

I was charged 'keep' from 16 yrs up, and I worked during A levels. It was made clear that they thought I was wasting my time, University was not an option at any level, they refused to even look at applying with me and I had no idea how to do it. They wanted me to leave school at 16 and get a 'nice job' in a bank or estate agent. It was in the early 1980s, I worked 4 evenings a week and weekend lunchtime/ evening shifts at a pub restaurant.

So all this started because you didn’t want to contribute to Christmas dinner? Is this normal.

Are you sure he meant it? it could just be dry humour. You're still in education and too young to be paying 'keep' to mum and dad. Ask your mum if he was serious or joking.

Slow clap 👏

‘I was forced to work around my studies as soon as I turned 18yo because I knew things cost money’ is nearly as good as ‘yes my parents repeatidly hit me with a belt but it never did me any harm. It actually taught me respect’

If you were working full time then of course it would be reasonable for them to charge you some form of rent, but you're in full-time education! Of course they shouldn't be charging you rent while you're studying full time, whether you're 18 or not. Your stepfather sounds like an abusive prick.

@ThereIsALifeOutThere

How on earth is contributing to board at age 18 anything like getting hit by a belt? What a bizarre reaction. It simply wasn’t an issue at the time- I chose to work because I wanted to earn my own money and had plans to save for travel. I also wanted to study because I had career plans. I managed both things. My parents asked me to contribute to bills at home and I was happy to do it. In a way it made me feel responsible and proud to contribute. The key thing was that the amount I paid was affordable and not unreasonable. I wasn’t forced to do anything. You have an odd idea of what is abuse.

None of it is normal.

You sound like a great kid. Please don't give up on the idea of uni. It will do you good to go out into the world and see how much more there is to life.

Honestly, I can't believe that a parent expects their child, who is in full-time education at college, to pay rent!! I assume like most college/6th Form students, you work weekends and probably some hours during the week outside of college? Are your Mum and step-Dad struggling financially?! Unless I was in absolute dire financial straits, I wouldn't be expecting my child to contribute financially, until they are working full-time!! I'd expect them to pay for their own clothing, toiletries, fuel (if they drive) and any leisure expenditure. I would continue paying for a phone, maintenance/running costs (apart from fuel) for a car and driving lessons/test (if they were learning to drive). I certainly wouldn't expect a financial contribution to Christmas dinner or any Bills. Once working full-time, then I'd expect a modest sum for rent, and they'd then become responsible for their own expenditure. I think you do need a conversation with your Mum, regarding your step-Dad's comments, and the fact you are struggling with juggling studies and working. However, you do need to do some part-time work to pay for some of your own expenditure.

Yep thats how much I work. I don't drive and haven't grown much in like 2 yrs so I rarely buy new clothes or anything. Also don't really eat out much, but occasionally I like cooking for people too with ingredients at home. I get cheap skincare and normal store body wash and hair wash and pads, that's about it, so nothing rlly extra (though idk if I should be paying for that too). Would it sound alright to leave having a job for a bit in that case? Back before i got a job and when i was applying for one, a camhs worker once told me that itd be fine if I wanted to quit if I felt like I couldn't handle it if itd avoid stress or getting sectioned or something but I had a social worker who said itd be a good idea to keep working for my own stuff

Oh yeah to add they're not struggling financially but stuff is expensive rn

Of they kick you out you go to a solicitor and ask about making a legal declaration they are not supporting you. I had to do this and then I used it to get the full loan for uni. It won't help you get housed unless your parents write a letter they are evicting you, however you can move in with a friend and get them to evict you (I had a friend do this to get around her mother refusal to evidence she was homeless). I moved in with a boyfriend to avoid homelessness and it was the start of years of abuse so please please don't do that!

Another option of becoming an au pair. You then get housed, fed and £120 spending money a week in return for about 16 hours work. For school age children this can fit around your collage/uni. I did uni later but managed to fit it around a full time nanny job by skipping the odd lecture etc most things are online these days so you can cope with absences. That unless you want to do anything medical then you will be working god aweful hours but I think they have good bursaries.

It's very hard but really is possible and when you come out the other side independent and far more mature than people your own age the pride you feel is amazing.

A CAMHS advisory letter can count as disability under the mental health provisions. I think t's worth her exploring every angle.

I know you're still sixteen but it's good to know about these things in advance, especially if money is the biggest obstacle. It would be such a shame if your stepdad derailed your whole future over this.

I'd never charge my kids rent unless they were done with education and in a decent paying job. I don't care if they are 18 or 25.
18 isn't a magic number. You may legally be an adult but are you earning like one? No. I am quite angry on your behalf.

Work towards your goals and towards independence for better mental health, unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world and the support you get post 18 might be better or worse than you expect, but working and studying are key to your future so persist with both and find a way to move forward within your means and with the support you have, not the support you should have.

If you're 18 and not in education, whether unemployed or working, it's perfectly reasonable to be charged rent (board & lodging). If you are over 18 and working it's unreasonable NOT to be charged rent.

I'm planning to be in education when I'm 18

Also I'm paying rent rn anyways ig I just don't want an increase in it

I think working a few hours would be good for you. See if you could cut down the hours you are working. Part-time work is a massive steppingstone in enabling you to find full-time work, when the time comes. For context, I know a young man who left 6th Form in June, after sitting his A-Levels. He was planning on going to University but didn't do very well in his A-Levels. He turned 19 in October, and has yet to find a full-time job. The reason - he's never had a part-time job.. his parents wanted him to focus on his A-Levels, and didn't want him working. He's now struggling to find work, any work, because he has literally zero work experience. He could have had 3 years work experience under his belt (aged 16-19) but instead has nothing!! So don't give up working completely. It will also give you your own money, means you have to learn to budget! And gives you some independence! What you are paying for sounds about right to be honest. It's what I paid for whilst I was at college (many many moons ago!).

Yh i don't think it's too uncommon. My friends who are mostly also 16 work and aren't charged board so I thought it was weird or abusive for a bit lol

I don’t think if you are in full time education and/or working part time that you should pay anything. Also, I’d never characterise payments to parents as ‘rent’. They certainly should never consider charging adult children a market level rent if they ever want you to save for your own place/future. There are many other ways you could contribute to the household

Ignoring the current situation OP what ideally would you like to do, you said you’re thinking of dropping the idea of uni but is that ultimately what you would like to do?