Is it unreasonable for an 18 year old to get kicked out for not paying rent?

[Meowmeow2008]

So I talked to my parents about not wanting to contribute to Christmas dinner. I'm at home today because I was sick. My dad (not biological if that matters but he's been in my life for a while) mentioned that he'd charge more rent when I'm 18. I plan to stay in education at 18 too so I mentioned that and said ok, if I can afford to pay more when i'm 18 then fair enough. And then he added that he'd just kick me out if I wouldn't pay. I already pay board for context but I'm gonna be honest, I've been thinking about leaving my job because I'm in college and want to focus on that, it's getting hard to keep up with a part time job. I really don't want to talk to them about that because it might disappoint them or ill get shit talked by extended family for being lazy.

I kinda feel disturbed by that. My mum probably wouldn't be that blunt about it and I don't know if she knew that he'd say that either. She's generally pretty supportive. Like she was very supportive when I got sectioned a year ago and helped me with some mental health issues (i've never been violent or anything BTW, I know some people think that mental health equals violent behaviour but it was more self harm/suicide and eating disorder related).

I want to talk to an adult outside of my family about this but I'm unsure if its just a usual falling out thing with him. Also idk if it's worth bringing up to my mum, she might already know anyways. I'm getting kinda anxious, he wasn't being rude and he literally never shouts at me because I'm pretty well behaved and I thought he liked me. I'm also wondering if his actual point was fair because ik I'd be an adult at 18 too.

Hiya, I am sorry you've had a hard time with your mental health. FWIW I have adult children and have never charged them rent, in fact I paid their rent when they were in full time education and paid them an allowance as their maintenance loans weren't enough to live on. So if you're paying board you're doing more than I ever asked my kids to do.

I know the view on Mumsnet is often that as soon as someone reaches 18 they're an adult but frankly, that's bullshit, especially if they're in full time education. Even adult children in their 20s often still need support from their parents, it's not like kids get to 18 and magically become fully fledged adults.

What was the contribution to Christmas dinner about? Will RTFT in case you've said. IIWY though I'd sit down with your mum and have a respectful conversation about her expectations and the plan for once you're 18. Good luck.

I entirely agree. You need help to support you to make decisions that are in your best interests.

My DD turns 18 later this month and is studying at college. She receives PIP and a small monthly pension payment from her late father. I do take a very nominal amount towards board from her, simply to teach her the value of money and that life isn't free!

I cannot imagine any circumstances in which I would kick her out and I would never, ever, EVER contemplate it if she didn't pay rent!!

OK, I've read the thread now. You know what, if you've had issues with self harm, eating and suicidal ideation and have previously been sectioned then you are doing brilliantly to be at university and to have a part time job and to be paying board, so well done. Your mum and your parents should be supportive and kind and threatening to kick you out at 18 is neither. I'm sorry you're not looking forward to it, that's sad.

Don't give up studying, don't give up your job. Don't go and live with a violent biological father. Speak to your mum, be honest but respectful and tell her how you're feeling and ask her what the plan is when you're 18. Good luck.

Also, another quick thought, is it possible that this was a throwaway comment from your stepfather and he didn't mean it, let alone expect you to take it to heart? Adults do sometimes say shit without thinking it through.

OP if you got to university at 18 you can get extra financial help on top of your university loans. You will also be entitled to Universal Credit if your income is low. Whatever you do, don't give up getting a degree over this, it will give you far more options in the long run.

https://www.gov.uk/student-finance/extra-help

You should also speak to your local college about apprenticeships and other training options (eg. software development and UX design) that can get you into a well paid job in the long run. Good luck, don't let your stepdad pull you down.

So he sat me down and said it really seriously. He didn't sound mean or anything and I think he was being calm but it wasn't a passing comment either. I think they are appreciative that I pay board too and they tell me that I'm doing a good job but they'd just be really disappointed if I stopped, that part is pretty understandable

Sorry I should've clarified 😭 I mean give up on the idea of uni, I'm not there yet because I'm still in college

I think you said you were 16? If so, carry on with your college course and aim for uni. You can move out to uni accommodation and it will give you space to think about things. If you can manage it, try to keep your part time job - it will be useful to you in lots of ways. Save if you can.

OK, well, in that case HIBU, completely. I am sorry, poor you. It's not reasonable at all, talk to your mum. Show her this thread if you think it will help.

Even if you're at college and not at uni yet, my comment stands, you're doing well.

Only parents and disabled people can get UC while at university full time

I think your first point of contact should be the safeguarding lead at your current place of education.
You are being financially abused right now, and are at real risk of further abuse.

Your parents are already receiving child benefit for you and will do until you are 19 as long as you stay in full time education. That is all the money they are entitled to from you, you should be able to keep 100% of your earnings.

Your stepfather is a horrible person.

Do you have a trusted aunt/uncle/grandparent/godparent who you could live with instead? (The child benefit entitlement would go to whoever you are living with if full time)

The step dad sounds like something from a bygone era.kick an 18 year old out why..they would still have the same bills.

I would say it's completely unreasonable for them to kick you out for not paying rent. Whilst you are in full time education, they are still getting child benefit for you

How much do you earn and what amount/% are you paying to them?

I have a dd who is 18 and did not ask her for any contribution whilst she was in FT education. She has just started a degree apprenticeship and now pays a contribution which she offered - just under 10% of her wages

It sounds like you have had a difficult few years and you should be proud of yourself for how amazingly well you are doing

Please talk to someone at college to see what help you can get
Then talk to your Mum calmly, asking what the plan is

Uni costs can be worrying at first, but there is lots of help out there to assist you with apply for student loans for your course and accommodation

Also do have a look into Degree Apprenticeships. That way you can earn a salary, and the company you work for will pay your tuition fees to get your degree. It is hard work and takes slightly longer, but you seem very determined and it might suit you

Wishing you all the best for your future

@Meowmeow2008

I’d talk with your mum alone .
Say you are struggling with work and college and would like to focus on study and leave work .
Would she support you ?

Tell her the conversation has came around as of the conversation you had with step dad. .
Tell her it’s made you really anxious and you are struggling and also dreading turning 18.

And where do your parents suggest you live if they kick you out? The social won't pay your rent and no landlord or shared house would entertain an unemployed teenager for a second. It's bad enough trying to find somewhere to rent in your 30's with references and earning good money ffs.

If they genuinely can't afford to at least let you live in the home while in education, then you'd be better off having them deem you homeless and going through the council.
You should be paying for some things if you've a part time job.
But how can you pay otherwise?
I think until someone is in full time work, their parents should accept the fact you buy your own food, do own cleaning and laundry, help around the house and keep on top of your studies. That should be enough.
But it's their house I guess. I wouldn't be keen on hearing such things. But maybe they are genuinely totally broke.

It isn't up to the stepfather to adjust the rent or threaten you with that, I'd be packing his bags.
I feel sorry for you, it must be very stressful. You shouldn't be contributing towards food either. Both my children were in full-time education, and neither had a job. That was their job at the time , I wanted them to do well and concentrate on their exams. Your mum will get benefits for you whilst you're in education.

This is sad.
My son is 20 and I don't charge rent because he has struggled with his mental health and is still trying to find his feet.
I'm baffled why they are charging rent at 17 when they get CB for you.

What age did you start paying and how much??

Your parents will be getting child allowance for you, so no, you should not be paying rent!
Working part time and studying is really hard and exhausting. Especially if you have mental health issues, they need to be taking that into account.
The money you earn should be yours.
Please talk with your mum alone. Your step dad doesn't sound like a nice man.

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No. If you can't afford parental rent then you can't pay any rent.

What does he suggest you do, sleep on the streets!

Speak to your mum.

I paid £50 per week board when I turned 18 and I was studying full time. I also worked part time on weekends and around my study hours. There was no need for ultimatums because I recognised that food and bills cost money and I wanted to contribute. I think this helped me to prepare for adulthood and it was good for my work ethic and personal responsibility. I may have missed it, but how much is the OP being asked to contribute?

Your parents are abusive, and if this real, and you are only 16 then you need to ask to speak to student welfare support at the college and see if they can put you in touch with a youth support charity.