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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Tampon - I am speechless

8 replies

nearlyemptynes · 04/12/2024 15:54

So, yesterday school rang me to say my 16 year old daughter thought she had a tampon stuck and could I take her to A and E. So this I did. After a 5 hour wait we were seen and although the doctor was lovely it was a shocking experience which I am still in shock from. The doctor hesitated to look because she said she would need to insert a speculum and this can hurt if you are not sexually active. she then asked my daughter if she was sexually active, when she didn't immediately reply she asked, are you a virgin. She did not give my daughter the option to have me there or not it was very much presumed i would be. That was fine and my daughter is a strong character and we have a good relationship- good job. So once my daughter had admitted she was not a virgin (news to me- I tried not to react) she inserted the speculum, said she could n't see anything and asked me if i wanted to take a look! I said no I trust your medical judgement and she then got the nurse to take a look. There was no curtain round - i and my daughter found it all quite shocking. Like I say we have a good relationship and we laughed together afterwords but..... is it just me....surely this could have been handled in a more dignified way for my daughter. If she had asked my daughter if she wanted me there i would have either stayed or stepped out as she wished. I just keep thinking about it. There was no lock on the door so the nurse, and then I had to stand blocking the door to make sure no one came in. At one point someone tried to and the doctor shouted , "dont come in vaginal exam". She also told my daughter about cases she has had where women have inserted 3, got drunk and had sex.

OP posts:
murasaki · 04/12/2024 15:57

That sounds completely inappropriate, it's great you have a good relationship with your daughter, but it would have been horrific for a girl who didn't. I'd be writing to them as it shouldn't happen like that. I would have wanted to vaporise myself if that had happened to me when I was 16.

Icedlatteplease · 04/12/2024 16:00

Yes. Although I'm guessing the doctor assumed if you were there your DD was happy for you the be there.

Personally I'd have trouble checked with DD and offered to leave at the point the questions got personal

LittleRedRidingHoody · 04/12/2024 16:02

This sounds horrific, and potentially really dangerous.

A good friend when I was a teen had really religious (and abusive) parents. If she'd been forced to say that in front of her mum, she would have ended up with endless lectures, punishments and most likely being shipped back to relatives in her own country for some kind of 'justice.'

Even in less outlying situations, it's still a really bad way to deal with the situations.

murasaki · 04/12/2024 16:03

The edit to add the last bit, whoa, the nurse said that????

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/12/2024 16:04

murasaki · 04/12/2024 15:57

That sounds completely inappropriate, it's great you have a good relationship with your daughter, but it would have been horrific for a girl who didn't. I'd be writing to them as it shouldn't happen like that. I would have wanted to vaporise myself if that had happened to me when I was 16.

I'd want to vapourise myself now and I'm 40!!

Having the fact I'm having a vaginal exam bellowed out to whoever may be in the corridor, asking a relative to peer into my vagina for what? Curiosity? Certainly no medical reason, op hasnt said she's any training that's relevant - what's she going to say - yes, that's a fanny?

What the hell was she thinking?!

I think you should contact PALS.

murasaki · 04/12/2024 16:04

I think it needs a PALS report, someone will correct me if that's the wrong way to do it.

HarrietJonesFlydaleNorth · 04/12/2024 16:10

The whole thing is bizarre, including the bit about whether she is sexually active or not.

I mean, I understand that the dr might need to know that for other reasons, but surely it wouldn't change whether or not they did the examination? 😵‍💫 Its not like they were going to say, oh you're a virgin? Sorry nothing I can do 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

beetr00 · 04/12/2024 16:12

aye right 🤔

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