Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

Should I let this go

20 replies

noddyholder · 28/04/2008 13:03

ds has recently switched from sandwiches to school lunches.Some of his friends go out at lunch time and as far as I knew ds stayed in school.I have just seen him and about 100 others outside the local shop eating crap basically.He will be 14 on thursday and not sure what to do.I want him to eat healthily and all his food at home is home made organic etc but I feel that if I try to impose these rules on his lunch time he will be the odd one out.i am not happy to fund the purchase of sweets though so not really sure what to say when he gets home.

OP posts:

RTKangaMummy · 28/04/2008 13:06

difficult one wot about him having something healthy from home to eat before he goes out with his mates

so he won't be ravinous

so if he has a wrap ofr roll to eat from home and some money you have some control but so does he?

I presume they are allowed out of school to the shops ie it is in the rules

Hassled · 28/04/2008 13:06

I think he needs to know that you know, IYSWIM, but I don't think you can ban him from the shop/junk food trips - being part of the herd is (unfortunately) very very important for most teenagers.
All you can really do is reinforce the link between eating crap and teenage acne, which may be something close to his heart, and continue to make sure he eats well at home.

Freckle · 28/04/2008 13:08

Is he in control of the money? Or can you pay the money directly to the school?

We've just done the opposite. My 3 have always had school lunches but have recently (against my wishes) switched to packed lunches. They seem to eat what I give them and clearly can't spend lunch money on unsuitable stuff. Is your ds allowed out of school to the shops during school hours? When I was at school, it was only the 6th form who were allowed to do this.

Have you spoken to him about what he is eating? Pointed out the negative effects of sweets and other crap?

Tortington · 28/04/2008 13:11

i think you need to pick your battles and i would leave it - maybe have a word with the school abou the kids going out at lunchtime as a safety issue?

my kids go out at lunch - its not an issue for me - but if ou want to try and stop te kids from eatin crap without having a go t son maybe through theschool is the way to go - if you are goingto do anything at all?

Original poster

noddyholder · 28/04/2008 13:13

I don't mind him going out custy I would prefer he didn't but it is a shop v close to the school and our flat .I was just saying to dp that we need to let him go out at lunch time now he will be 14 I just hadn't told him.More worried that he is spending my money on rubbish.Shop is directly opposite our living room window so he's not exactly bothered!

OP posts:

ChocolateRockingHorse · 28/04/2008 13:14

Custy!!!!! Oh I feel quite overcome. Welcome back

Yes, in interest of battle-picking, I'd leave this one. It's hard to really police what they eat by the time they get to this age, so providing he's actually allowed to be out of school (different issue) I'd not worry. He's still getting the good stuff at home isn't he.

Original poster

noddyholder · 28/04/2008 13:16

I am going to give him a roll now and a bit of cash and he can do what he likes with both.He does eat well at home but loves rubbish so he will be getting both!Agree about picking battles this one is not worth the stress.I walked right past him virtually touching and he didn't see me Teenagers!

OP posts:

Libra · 28/04/2008 13:18

Another one suggesting that you pick your battles. We have been through this with DS1 (just about to turn 14).
He knows about healthy eating, we do it at home, he likes to be one of the lads at school. They do need to be allowed some choice in their lives - in four years time they may not be living at home and will be making all the choices about nutrition!
If it helps, after an initial splurge into curry sauce and chips, DS1 appears to have returned to the road of acceptable lunches purely for financial reasons. We give him a sum of money for lunches every week and he is allowed to save anything he does not spend. He is now trying to upgrade his amplifier, therefore his lunch choices are getting better and he is even occasionally taking in a packed lunch in order to save money.

Original poster

noddyholder · 28/04/2008 19:13

Ok he has come home and we told him we would have preferred it if he had told us he goes out.I said he could take sandwiches again and if he wants to buy sweets use his allowance.(he gets £40 month into his account)He went nuts saying its not fair he wants to continue having money and I don't want to fund sweets!He was meant to go to the park for an hour but after all teh ranting I said he couldn't go so we are at a stand still.I have told him to wash up now which is very rare and he is banging about in the kitvhen like gordon ramsay!

OP posts:

juuule · 28/04/2008 22:38

Agree with Libra. His lunch money, let him decide what he's spending it on.

waycat · 29/04/2008 05:50

Difficult situation this, and one which I will no doubt encounter in just over a year when DS1 goes from high school to college.

About two years ago, a sandwich bar opened up a couple of hundred yards or so from our college, and it's been a right nuisance ever since. I know that the college haven't been happy about it, as it has resulted in many students gathering around there every lunch time, not only eating junk but also causing disturbances and congestion on a narrow village path and road.

The car parking outside the sandwich bar is also causing alot of traffic build-up, but that's another story.

I think the only think I could do is simply make DS1 aware that I would not be happy about him spending his lunch money on junk when the college has a perfectly good canteen selling good food. However, I know that I won't be able to be with him making sure he buys the right stuff, and nor would I want to. I understand that he will probably try it for a while, but I know that the novelty will wear off.

We have always ate healthily at home, making our own food and cooking from fresh. DS1 enjoys cooking alot, so he appreciates where his food comes from and what is good and not so good. I don't think a little bit of junk now and again does any harm, but to be perfectly honest, knowing DS1 and his likes and dislikes, I can't see me having too much of a problem with his lunch choices - hopefully!

Good luck with this one noddyholder - I hope it irons itself out in the end.

windygalestoday · 29/04/2008 06:08

Ive just discovered ds2 is sellinghis homepacked sandwiches-buying a pannini in school and saving the change!! I offered him lunch money instead(he has his icky money-icecream van money) but apparently my sandwiches can command a high price now how do I stop that?hes even offered to buy ds1s sandwiches off him to sell on!!!

shabster · 29/04/2008 06:47

windygales - that is hysterical!!

Will look out for your DS on The Apprentice in years to come.

I love DS's - I've had four of them

Original poster

noddyholder · 29/04/2008 06:54

They are a PITA

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 29/04/2008 08:03

i would say tell him he has to spend his own money - i had to if i wanted anything like that.

twinkletoesbellyrolls · 29/04/2008 12:43

My ds is 16 now and has announced that after being a veggie all his life he wants to eat meat. Its def peer group pressure. They guys that he is at sch with thinks its really 'gay' to be veggie. I decided that its his call - I certainly cant control what he eats outside of the house. He cant eat meat at home and I would prefer it if he ate free-range, organic blahblah but realistically when he comes out of a gig and all his mates are getting burgers - whats he going to do?!

Original poster

noddyholder · 29/04/2008 16:10

Ds tried to tell me he had lunch at school and then went to the shop with 30p he had left.When I swa him he had black all around his mouth from licorice chews!

OP posts:

mixformax · 29/04/2008 16:42

Amazing what you can get with 30p - whatever happened to Black Jacks?!

My boys spend their Friday £1 in the village shop buying a pack of Choc Chip cookies for a ripoff price of 80p, when you can get em in Tesco's for about 35p!

Yours will work out that you can't keep a growing body and soul together on what you can get in the sweet shop. Just mind out that you don't give him money AND provide lunchtime food cos you're worried hes not eating properly!

mumeeee · 29/04/2008 21:24

In DD3's school the children in years 7 to 9 are not allowdd out at linch time unless it is to go home for lunch and they have to have a pass and permision from a parent to do that. So they are 14 before they start going to the local shops.
DD3 only has lunch money on PE days or when she has to much to carry. She is 16 now and I know she often buys chips but I continue to offer heakthy meals at home. Well most of the time.

BecauseImWorthIt · 29/04/2008 21:28

Only the Year 11 boys are allowed to leave the school premises at lunchtime, and they have to have a letter signed by their parents, which then entitles them to a laminated pass.

The local shops are regularly patrolled by the police and any child who can't produce a pass is returned to school and reported to their parents.

But even if my son is in or out of school with my permission, I still can't control what he eats! This is a battle I have decided not to have - in the knowledge that he eats healthily most of the time at home.

Flip