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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

independance

16 replies

bigheart · 26/04/2008 00:55

not quite a teenager, i think that's the problem! ds is 10, smart, honest and striving for his independance, he wants to walk home from school on his own (15 minute trek) and be left on his own at home when i do "boring stuff" (food shopping etc etc). thoughts? help! advice...

OP posts:
ButterflyMcQueen · 26/04/2008 01:01

my 11 year old has been doing these for a good while now..he has much younger friends do similar

go with your gut

if you feel he is mature enough and you trust him

ButterflyMcQueen · 26/04/2008 01:02

my 11 year old has been doing these for a good while now..he has much younger friends do similar

go with your gut

if you feel he is mature enough and you trust him

Original poster
bigheart · 26/04/2008 01:08

thanks
i do trust him, but he seems to be in the minority, i get odd looks when i say i'm thinking of leaving him home alone... interested in opening up the questions up to a (much) wider audience!

OP posts:
Hermit · 26/04/2008 16:23

I have been leaving my ds alone for up to two hours since he was 10. He also sometimes walks home from school alone - around 25 minutes. At first, I got 'looks' from others as well, and the odd comment eg 'aren't you worried?' We have discussed what he would do in all sorts of eventualities, including something happening to me while I was out. He seems to enjoy the sense of independance - certainly far more than being dragged out shopping or to pick dd up from somewhere! He knows he is trusted and if he ever did anything to break that trust (unsuitable websites, phone calls etc) then it would all be revoked! Every child is ready for this at a different stage - depends on their temperament imo.

Remotew · 26/04/2008 16:43

If a child is sensible and responsible then I think 10 is about the right age to give them some independance. Leaving them home for a couple of hours in the day is fine IMO as is walking home from school but I would try and get a friend or two to do the same.

I wouldnt leave a child of that age alone in the house after dark. Did this with DD when she reached 12 very occasionally and now at 14(even though some people raise their eyebrows at this) I will only make arrangements if I'm staying at a friends over night and will continue to until she is 16.

Original poster
bigheart · 27/04/2008 00:18

thank you, i know it's about the individual and ds really is ready for it, but in a very small town you start to question your own judgement!

OP posts:
amicissima · 27/04/2008 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scaryteacher · 27/04/2008 20:28

I take ds with me when I do the boring stuff on principle; he needs to know that food does not automatically appear in the fridge and needs to be shopped for. He's also great at making me stick to a list!

I leave him for about 20-30 minutes tops, but we don't live in the UK, and I think it is illegal to leave a child on its own here until they are 14.

nell12 · 27/04/2008 20:33

There is not a legal minimum age for a child to be left unattended. They have to be 14 to look after anyone else, though.

We started leaving ds when he was 10. He was fine... just plugged himself in to his DS and did not notice the time. My only concern would have been if something had happened to me whilst I was out... car crash of worse, so he had phone numbers to hand and knew who to go to if I did not come home.

castille · 27/04/2008 20:38

My 10yo is happy to be left at home now for up to 3 hours (prefers it to trailing around town while her sister is at ballet classes).

She knows the rules about answering the door, the phone, who to go to if there's a problem, how to contact me etc and is sensible enough to respect them.

Agree it depends a lot on the child.

PurpleOne · 28/04/2008 01:40

I leave my 2 dd's on their own too.

I only work late on a Monday and am home by 5, so only an hr and half.My rules are to not answer the door or have friends over. They are allowed to answer the phone, as they will always take a message. When dd2 is home (she always gets home first) she will always call me to let me know she's home. 5 min walk from school LOL. DD2 is 10 1/2 and has a key. So does dd1 (12).
Every child is different, and you need to use your gut. Only YOU know your child better.

waycat · 28/04/2008 06:16

My DS's wanted to walk to and from school on their own when they were in year 4 and 5. I only agreed because DS1 was in year 5 and also very sensible and repsonsible, so could be replied on to look after DS2, a year younger.

They are now 13 and 12, and I do leave them alone quite happily to go shopping, or if I have to nip into work. For example, on Thursday last week (the teachers' strike day) went to work for four hours, but both DS's were absolutely fine at home. Infact, DS1 did two lots of washing for me and emptied the dishwasher. They both worked together and made pasta and cheese & tomato sauce at lunchtime, and when I got home at 3.00pm the kitchen was almost spotless!

I was very proud of them, but DH says I should expect nothing less at their age - he has very high standards!

If your ten year old is happy and you feel confident, then give him that chance for a little bit of independence. I think you will see it will work wonders and make him feel all special and grown up!

Good luck.

mumblechum · 28/04/2008 09:54

Started leaving ds from when he was 11 for a few hours at a time.

Now he's 13.5 and I don't mind if he has his friends round while we're out, they're all sensible and all they do is jamming or gaming, and there are lots of friendly neighbours happy to help if needed.

On Sat dh and I went out for the day (6 hours) and ds was perfectly happy, in and out to play footie on the village green, had a friend round and they made lunch together etc. He would have been bored stiff trailing round RHS Wisley with us all day.

cory · 29/04/2008 09:19

Seems about the right age. I do this and so do lots of the mums at the school.

mumeeee · 29/04/2008 21:17

Waycat. That is amazing that your 12 and 13 year old left the kitchen spotledd after cooking them selves lunch. I cany even get my 16 and 18 year old to do that!

waycat · 30/04/2008 06:18

mumeeee - thanks for the kind words.

Yes, my two boys were very good that day, but that's not to say by the time they are 16 and 17 things won't have changed by then!

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