DD17 asked for new boyfriend to stay overnight

[Flyhigher]

They've known each other about 2 months.
First date.
And she's asked for him to stay overnight.
As travel back home takes ages.

I'm not keen it's too soon.
What do you guys think?

I've never had sex on a first date.
And I really don't think she will.

But this does speed it along. A first sleepover implies sex soonish.

No way.

Unless you are ready to be a grandmother to a child.

Please don't allow this. It's not realistic that he will actually stay in the spare room or the sofa, they'll be sneaking around after you've gone to bed and it's just not a good precedent to set or a healthy situation for your daughter. They don't really even know each other.

I'm sure she's pushing hard for it but if getting home is such a problem, it's going to either be tricky to maintain this as a relationship, or it will take over entirely, which again is absolutely not in your daughter's best interests, no matter how she may feel about it!

They need to arrange something where he can get home afterwards, either change the location or the time. She's getting very carried away here, so you need to be the grown up and make yourself unpopular unfortunately!

Not a chance would I let someone who is essentially a stranger stay in my home.

there is no length of dating that would let my 17yo have overnight guests in her room. She doesn’t need that kind of pressure on a relationship. She can have all the overnights she wants in student housing when she goes to university, but our house is not the place to bring dates.

Well. I allowed it in the end.

He seems nice.

I said that as far as I'm concerned he's a good friend having a sleepover.

She needs to take it slowly.

I trust her. It's not her first boyfriend. It's her second. And I think she will take it slower.

I think she's taken it all onboard.

Highly amused that bright equals no sex early on. I'm very "bright" and always have/had sex on first dates. I need to know if it's worth having a second one!

In the same room or separate rooms?

That was a jump! To me second boyfriend would mean higher likelihood of immediate sex if she was active with the previous one.

I've never had immediate sex. And I'm pretty sure she won't either. She's more cautious. Than that.

Apologies for using bright as a reason! It's not.

However sex within a month or 6 weeks highly possible. Or 2 months.

It was a jump.

But at the moment I think I made the right choice.

Hope I did!

I think immediate sex is choice you make. And she could have done that when we were out.

To be honest I think you'd want sex when parents aren't in. Not when they are in.

Especially at the beginning.

I did think that it's a bit soon.
And I was maybe encouraging her to get into a relationship too soon.

But ... she will do that anyway.

Better that I know him a little bit.

He does seem nice.

Same here

I think people are confusing things here. For me having a boyfriend stay over is about much more than sex, in fact of at 17 mine were having sex that's not an issue, but I wouldn't open their space up to a virtual stranger. Never.

I did think exactly the same.

But I was moved by daughter to think otherwise.

She's an only child. And her female friendships are okish. Not brillant. Her best friend is nice but all over the place with her relationships.

I wish I had nurtured a big group of mum friends with daughters her age that I could have steered her towards.

I always picked the more nerdy clever friends.

She's gone for the really chatty ones that seem to be more up and down. Girl groups seem to be a bit volatile.

I understand that.

He had had sleepovers at a mutual friends house. A boy.

So he wasn't a complete stranger.

But I admit it's a bit daunting.

What about 21 or 18 though? Do you let them stay then?

What about 21 or 18 though? Do you let them stay then?

No, I didn't. Once they moved out if they wanted to bring an established partner for overnight visits that's fine. While they were living at home though, protecting both their space and mine was a huge priority. If you drop the rope here at 17 after a couple of months of them 'seeing' somebody; you could be in for years of waking up in the night for a pee and not knowing who is staying over. It's much easier to establish a firm boundary from the off than to try and raise it when an issue arises. For me making sure my DCs always had their own space was vital. Your DD does not know someone after a couple of months. Regardless of his sleepover at someone else's house. I wouldn't make myself that's vulnerable in my own home, what would I accept it for my children?

Fuck nope