DD17 asked for new boyfriend to stay overnight

[Flyhigher]

They've known each other about 2 months.
First date.
And she's asked for him to stay overnight.
As travel back home takes ages.

I'm not keen it's too soon.
What do you guys think?

Just saw update, if this is the first time they have actually met then it's a no. He could be anyone at this point and I wouldn't want someone who no-one really knew sleeping in my house.

To me it isn't even so much about trying to dissuade her from having sex too early, she will do it elsewhere if she wants to. It's whether I want some random man wandering around my house while I'm asleep.

He could be anyone. Is he same she as her or older? How much older would be too much?

No men staying in my house unless I know them and feel comfortable with them. It doesn't need to be a minimum of 6 months, but I need to have met them several times and seen that they treat dd and the rest of the family with respect.

5 x 1 hour long calls and now this first date where she wants him to sleep in her house or bed?

Hell to the no.

Safety first - hers and your family’s. . Always. Even the greatest love affair ever in the history of love affairs amongst 17 year olds (which this will no doubt be) requires caution. Once they’ve had a few dates, she’s decided he really is all that, and you’ve met him then he gets to stay over. I’ve raised 3 teenagers - therm’s the rules, and they seem to work. Some that appeared to be the catch of the century proved to be less so after a few dates.

It would be a big fat "no" from me.

First face to face meeting? Hell no.

I would gently point out that if it's a disaster she will be stuck with him until he leaves after an awkward breakfast tomorrow.

Can you take him half way home?

No chance

I never allowed them to have boy/girl friends to stay over. They need their own safe space, this was a priority for me. We had very few 'house' rules but placing firm boundaries for overnight guests was one of them.

Nope.

Can you clarify, they've been taking for 2 months but met once? is that correct?

In the spare room, no problem. This is a friend still at this point and I'm happy for friends to stay over, even those I don't know.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but until my daughters and adult in a long term relationships it's a no. Is there anyway you could take him home? X

We said established relationship and over 18. We didn't want to encourage an adult relationship (as in living in each others houses) too young.

Have they actually met in person?

I would say no anyway and you don’t want to set a precedent too early if he doesn’t live close.

Everyone suggesting spare room clearly never hopped across the landing at 3am like I did when allowed to stay in the spare room at my boyfriends house age 17 !!

I think an established relationship of a few months, and when you know the guy a bit too. Like he’s had a bit of dinner with the family type thing. It’s your house and you deserve to know who is staying.

My mum had this rule and I appreciated it. In all likeliehood this will be a sexual relationship and if they want to do it they’ll find a way… better in a safe space than a car!?

But hold the boundary for now. Can he drive? If he really likes her it won’t matter he can’t stay. It’s a good test for the relationship.

No, not for a first date. For her sake as much as yours. If she’s already offered him a bed for the night and it’s difficult for him to get home, it’s hard to turf him out if it gets weird.

I don’t go for a hard and fast rule of six months or whatever, but you want to give them chance to get to know each other, and you feel comfy with him in your house. A couple of months of real life dating at least.

Of course it's a problem. Why should OP open up her house to an absolute stranger?

No way. It's a slippery slope (well it can be) so just set firm boundaries now.

If they have never met irl, then definitely not on the first date. They need to get to know each other a bit and you need to meet him first. But waiting 6 months seems unreasonable. A few weeks, couple of months would be OK by me, if I thought he was a decent guy.

I agree with this. I also have a 17 year old dd, no dates yet but I absolutely would not have a strange boy staying in my house overnight, apart from in an emergency situation. No no and no.

Why? It's not his decision to make.

May I introduce you to your new friend - uber

Your daughter can pay for it from her pocket if he won't pay his own way home.

The challenge with having him sleep in the spare room is that they will simply wait until you go to sleep and then spend the night together producing.

Tell your daughter that if he is decent, he will at least wait a couple more dates - and that you don't want anyone that you don't know staying in the house overnight, and that you want to get to know him first.

definitely no to stay over in your house, wherever he sleeps - no you don’t know him. She doesn’t know him ridiculous.

Well, only if you allow it. Who is in charge here - you or her. Who is the adult? She's 17, she doesn't get to dictate to you who lives at your home.

Don't suggest he can stay in the spare room. They'll just sneak in together in the middle of the night. Either you are comfortable with him in the house or you aren't, and it sounds like you're not so it's got to be a no.

Have a feeling the op was joking when she said he would be
living there soon
i would say no as have been in similiar situation but they had been dating longer and once you say yes for whatever reason it is then like you have set a precedent and they want them to stay everytime they go out. We said no but with other things like staying later and later it became expected that we would always allow these things and when for whatever reason we didn’t want them staying late our child pushed and pushed saying ‘ but you allowed it before’ ours does have adhd and pusjes every boundary
it does seem way too early in the relationship

I really think she will wait. She's bright