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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD17 asked for new boyfriend to stay overnight

92 replies

Flyhigher · 25/10/2024 08:03

They've known each other about 2 months.
First date.
And she's asked for him to stay overnight.
As travel back home takes ages.

I'm not keen it's too soon.
What do you guys think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 25/10/2024 16:42

They have known each other and hung out for 2 months. It's not the first f2f.

OP posts:
DiscoBeat · 25/10/2024 16:50

DS and girlfriend are just 17 and have been together a year so I'm expecting at some point that they'll want to stay over at either house but it hasn't yet. I'd be happy if her parents are ok with it. I'd not be happy with a very new relationship like that but if the daughter were mine I'd rather they stayed at our house rather than somewhere unknown so we could keep an eye on things.

purplecheesecat · 25/10/2024 16:51

Staying over in the spare room/on the sofa = fine
Staying in her room = not until they’ve been together about 6 months & it’s an established relationship

DeeToo · 25/10/2024 17:23

I'd have no objections personally but in this case I think it's a bit too much pressure on your DD to have him stay over the first time he visits, no matter what she says. What if it doesn't go as planned and she wants rid of him, could be very awkward if he's staying.

1457bloom · 25/10/2024 17:26

No overnight stays until 21 years old and minimum 6 months dating.

AgnesX · 25/10/2024 17:27

Ask her what's the rush. Young love driven by hormones is a wonderful thing (😁).

If she really wants to they'll do it somewhere but you saying no is a handy get out clause if it all cools off, which it might do equally as quickly.

RaininSummer · 25/10/2024 17:30

First date and he can't get home...then surely it needs to be a daytime date so he can get home?

Original poster
Flyhigher · 25/10/2024 17:32

25 quid home in an Uber!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 25/10/2024 17:33

Joking about living here.

OP posts:
needhelpwiththisplease · 25/10/2024 17:35

Will his parents not collect him
Can he afford the Uber?
Can he not go earlier and get a bus?
No staying over till 6 months in was the rule here and no consecutive days either.

MumonabikeE5 · 25/10/2024 17:37

Suggest they have a weekend day time date instead .

OnSecondThoughts · 25/10/2024 17:43

Is this going to be the very first time they actually meet in person?

No matter how good our phones etc become for enabling us to hear and see someone, I mean even with virtual reality if you could have a 3D hologram in front of you, all of that is not the same as meeting someone in the flesh. A person can turn out to be very different in real life to how they present themselves on phone/camera etc. And just in case this turns out to be the case, your daughter will need the option to be able to get away if she wants to. That's why I think that a first time meeting and stay-over is a rubbish idea, completely leaving the whole sex thing aside.

Original poster
Flyhigher · 25/10/2024 17:46

No. They have been hanging on in person for 2 months.

OP posts:
OnSecondThoughts · 25/10/2024 17:48

Oh I see. OK that makes it a bit different. I'd still say a bit early for a stay-over (meaning same bed!) although realistically they'll find a way soon if they like each other...

Temporarynameforthisone · 25/10/2024 18:03

how old is he?
how far away does he live?

I would allow him to stay on the sofa and train home in the morning if it’s a question of safety. Definitely not in her room.

dontcryformeargentina · 25/10/2024 18:14

Don't be a doormat. Why is your child got leverage over you??

Emptyspiral · 25/10/2024 19:56

How is this her BF if it is a first date? I get they have hung out but not her BF if they haven't even had a date together. He is just a first date that might not go well and then what? It is okay to be firm and tell her no. She sounds disrespectful to me.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 25/10/2024 19:59

Yes he can stay over but spare room or sofa.

Teafortwo01 · 25/10/2024 20:03

Where are they going on their date? They’re not staying in are they?!

backawayfatty1 · 25/10/2024 20:31

Agreed with the stay over but sofa or spare room only. My DD15's bf stays over when her brother's are at granny's. Bf has a spare room for DD to sleep in when she stays there

Makelikeatreeandleaf · 25/10/2024 20:41

Op if you genuinely think she's so bright she won't shag a new boyfriend, you are very, very naive. Mine is 18, she was not allowed sleepovers with new partners because I don't want strangers in my home and she doesn't have a revolving vagina. I also pointed out that as I am also single, how would she feel about me having strangers in my bed regularly and unsurprisingly she was not keen on that. She's a child, you don't want him there, be the adult and refuse. She can sulk all she wants, although this kind of proves a point around being old enough to navigate adult relationships if we can't have conversations like one.

Ilovelurchers · 25/10/2024 20:50

Is your daughter sexually active, and is she planning to have sex with him when he stays over?

My daughter isn't at this age yet but, as I myself would potentially have sex on a first date and have done so in the past, I don't feel it would be reasonable of me to try to prevent her from doing so, once she makes the decision to become sexually active.

I hope we will retain a good enough relationship that we will be able to be open about physical and emotional risks, etc..... Some people only enjoy sex in committed relationships, whereas others are open to more recreational sex. I believe everyone is different sexually, and she will need to discover her own sexual identity, not be told what it is by me

If and when she does choose to have sex, I would much prefer she does so in the safety of our home, rather than the back seat of a car or going over to the house of a bloke she doesn't know well....

twomanyfrogsinabox · 25/10/2024 20:53

Flyhigher · 25/10/2024 08:03

They've known each other about 2 months.
First date.
And she's asked for him to stay overnight.
As travel back home takes ages.

I'm not keen it's too soon.
What do you guys think?

He can stay over, but not in her room!

yarnbarn · 25/10/2024 22:43

@twomanyfrogsinabox

He can stay over, but not in her room!

He is practically a stranger to the family, no he bloody shouldn't be staying over. Who welcomes people into their home that they barely know, to stay over, for no reason at all?

Original poster
Flyhigher · 25/10/2024 23:36

Makelikeatreeandleaf · 25/10/2024 20:41

Op if you genuinely think she's so bright she won't shag a new boyfriend, you are very, very naive. Mine is 18, she was not allowed sleepovers with new partners because I don't want strangers in my home and she doesn't have a revolving vagina. I also pointed out that as I am also single, how would she feel about me having strangers in my bed regularly and unsurprisingly she was not keen on that. She's a child, you don't want him there, be the adult and refuse. She can sulk all she wants, although this kind of proves a point around being old enough to navigate adult relationships if we can't have conversations like one.

I'm sure she will have sex in time. But not now. A month or two maybe. Not now but this brings it forward.

OP posts: