For parents of neurodivergent girls only and experiences of masking

[Starbright885]

What are your experiences ? Mine is a Very bright, sociable girl, pre teen, still 11 but going through puberty and has had her periods, so many traits yet still masks. I can’t figure out if it’s adhd or autism. Just had a lovely weekend, sleepover , town with friends, town with me, money to buy what she wanted. Came home tired, whilst her two other friends went around her other friends house so she came home, she tried on some shoes at home that she wanted and just because I tied her shoelace, not even tight but tight to her, she went just went mad, doesn’t want her shoes, get out of the room and threw the shoes at me,this is a regular thing , I never know when she is going to turn, I’ve booked to see a GP soon but I have no idea how to ge it all out. I’ve got a sensory issues report, can mention an ex senco teacher who was her class yes her for a short time who noticed but mainly she slips by unnoticed as such a bubbly , funny sociable girl. Really difficult as she is trying to keep up with all her friends and many are new secondary ones.

what are you experiences of girls masking?

DD1 (now 18) was diagnosed in year 11 after a long fight to get her assessed (her SENCo in year 6 said she should be assessed and I immediately went to the GP - but the waiting list was atrocious).

She masked a lot at school and struggled with friendships. She desperately tried to fit in. If the most popular girl in her year had a certain brand of trainers, bag etc or did a particular hobby, then she'd want the same. It was heart-breaking to watch and although we'd gently talk to her about it, this behaviour continued until she had her assessment.

After her diagnosis, she seemed to understand herself more.

Good luck OP x

I've 2 DDs diagnosed with autism in their teens.
DD1 always had sensory issues, hated windy days or sandy beaches, socks always inside out, wanted tops with favourite character on them but hated stiff transfers or rough embroidery inside clothing.
Had a few longterm friendships with a small group at school. Had a temper which I realise now were autistic meltdowns. Tells the truth which has got her into trouble, perplexed why others lie. Very anxious especially in teens, people pleaser, wants to be invisible but dyes her pink and wears out there clothing.
She doesn't want anyone to know she's autistic, does wonderfully at weekend jobs as she has her work persona.
But exhausted afterwards.
Now at uni very anxious definitely can't combine work And uni it's either or.
Very shy uni struggled to make friends.
DD2 sailed through primary school, very sociable but struggled with friends, fell apart spectularly at secondary school, baracaded herself in room, self harmed, stopped washing, stopped talking even to us, didn't see it coming.
She's now got a EHCP and tuition package (EOTAS) and is slowly recovering.
She can go to social events but will spend following day in bed. If we go on holiday she will come out 5 out of 7 days but will need a day or two to herself.
Both girls over think and are anxious and practice conversations in their head i.e posting a parcel etc so have a sort of script