Just me and 15yo DS at home.
He is a very lazy teen at home. I believe he struggles with time organisation and prioritising etc. Doesn’t do jobs as they arise, instead let’s them mount up and then he’s overwhelmed by it.
However, he is a very hard worker at his shop job and school. So he CAN put effort in when he needs to.
Since he was about twelve, he has been responsible for his own laundry, ironing shirts for school etc and keeping his room tidy (changing bed sheets, hoovering and polishing it once a week). This was the deal for him to receive £5 per week pocket money. On weeks where he didn’t do it, he didn’t get the pocket money. I thought this would ensure he’d grow up understanding responsibility - how wrong was I?!
Since he’s got his own job and earning more money, he isn’t doing anything around the house now.
I am sickened by how messy he is. Dishes in his rooms for weeks resulting in fruit flies, laundry not been done for 4 weeks since the start of the summer holidays except work uniform (he actually went and bought a packet of pants from Tesco the other day rather than wash his current ones!), bed sheets not been washed since the start of the summer. His room is a midden and he doesn’t seem to care. I can smell it - mouldy food etc - as I walk by it.
I have absolutely broken down in the past few weeks. I’ve told him how it’s affecting my mental health as i like to keep a tidy house and i feel as though my house is now infested with bugs etc and smells horrid. I’m too embarrassed to have friends round for dinner. He is very dismissive and just says it’s his room and he’ll get to it at some point.
Things have now escalated as he’s started leaving dishes in the kitchen sink (we don’t have a dishwasher) for me to wash, crumbs in the floor and counter etc. And he goes through soooo many glasses a day. i’ve told him no chance. he either washes it immediately after use or takes it to his room.
I’ve now run out of cutlery and glasses so have told him he needs to wash them today or he’s banned from using any crockery or cutlery etc and will need to use paper items. he said no problem and is planning to go buy disposable plates and cutlery for himself today.
I am actually losing the plot. I don’t know what to do. I feel like every second i’m on edge thinking i can see flies or the smell is seeping into my curtains etc.
Today i have told him he’s banned from loitering in any other room of the house until his bedroom is sorted. I’ve not made him any meals or been shopping in over a week either. He doesn’t know how to cook (he’s never taken me up on the offer to learn) so is now getting annoyed as there are no more tins left or bread etc as he’s been living off beans and soup and toast for the past week as well as brining food home from the cafe he works at. I’ve told him i’d be more than happy to cook a proper meal as soon as his room is tidy.
My strike action isn’t working. I need to go do a big shop and i do need to make some proper dinners but he’s just going to help himself to this and add to the crap already in his room. What can i do???
Today i threatened to take a photo and video of his room and put it on facebook. he said i wouldn’t dare and to be honest i don’t think i do have the guts as it’s so embarrassing.
How can i get him to tidy his room when i’ve already stopped doing everything for him with no effect?
He isn’t at all bothered by it. I can’t cut off anything else for him. His grandparents pay his unlimited phone data, turning of wi-fi won’t work. We have no nearby family to talk to him other than his gran who is a total sexist and softie and will tell me off for not helping him tidy his room.
I DID help him tidy his room a few months ago the last time it go this bad - this consisted of him lying on his bed playing games while dictating to me where things go! Never again! I think he is so stubborn that he’s be willing to hold out until i get that desperate again and just do it for him. Absolutely NOT.