Do you have teens who don't want to game away your summer? What's your secret?!

[CautiousOptimist]

Gaming is creeping into our summer holidays more than ever before.

I have 3 DS aged 11, 9 and 4. The oldest plays Fortnite, the middle one Minecraft and Roblox, the little one the odd iPad game. They also all like watching telly, not films so much.

I work in schools so have the whole summer off (realise how fortunate this makes me), but obviously still plenty to do at home, cooking, gardening, housework, endless washing etc.

The days of the kids trailing me around playing and trampolining and reading seem to be gradually being replaced by the big ones sneaking off to game. I don't mind, some of the time, it's their holiday after all.

I have been taking them out a lot - playgrounds, swimming, friends houses, museums, London, asking friends over to keep them off their screens! But I really don't want them turning into 14 year olds who want to game all day while they're at home.

If your 14 year olds aren't like that, did you do anything to encourage it - strict boundaries when younger or anything else - or is it just about personality?

Goes without saying if your 14 years old olds game all day and you're happy with that, absolutely fair enough!

Thanks in advance for any tips.

Oh you are doing well to get then out a lot OP.
Struggle is with like mine who won't leave the house unless it's to scoff junk and stay home all day in bed or in front of a screen.
I despair at my parenting. Honestly!

My eldest is nine (and he’s not into Minecraft or Roblox) so I can’t speak from experience but I have five nephews all now at the top end of teens or early 20s….they discovered girls! And became keen to make some money so would have a weekend job, paper round/clearing and washing up in cafes etc. almost all of the five were sporty so would meet mates for a kick around or were doing organised sports. Of course they still spent time gaming but once they had independence, a little money, a girlfriend efc life became more interesting!

My 15 year old doesn't spend all day gaming. He does game though. I've honestly never imposed limits. He's just very sporty and social so prefers to be out and about. Cycles, plays footie, golf, goes to the gym or swimming pool. We've always lived in an area where kids play out. He has a good bunch of friends. I think it's mainly down to personality, not really anything I've done. I'm certainly not sporty myself .

Sorry but I failed at this and don't know any teenagers who don't try to game all day when they're at home. Home being the operative word, as they wouldn't rather game than meet with friends.

What I found is that it became harder for mine to arrange other activities with friends because friends weren't up for it. Stopped wanting to go to the skatepark. for instance, which my son loved but won't do alone. So just ended up gaming a lot instead.

Mine doesn't. She also doesn't use social media. She made her own schedule with exercise, art, piano, reading/writing.

I wish I had a golden parenting tip. She's like a cuckoo in the nest. I was a dreadful teenager. I'm waiting for her to do a full Kevin and Perry transformation.

I think getting them into a sport which takes up their time and they really enjoy helps.

My 13 and 15 year old boys don’t tend to game, though they have access to do so. We didn’t get any gaming devices until 2 years ago and they’ve not shown much interest so that’s helped.

They are both year round competitive swimmers, so are quite happy to rest/read/play ball games or go for a run/kick around together in the park when I’m at work. When we’re off together they pop out with me to the shops/day trips and are still happy when we holiday together. One is not bothered about socialising with friends, and would rather stay home. The younger one will meet up with friends occasionally to play basketball/go for a bike ride.

My advice to myself now I have a 1 year old in a new marriage, and a 20 and 15 year old from previous relationship is no gaming or TV or screens of any kind. Absolutely ruined my 15 year old and my 20 year old agrees it is toxic and horrible.

Childhoods ruined by being hunched over screens instead of playing naturally.

My DS games mostly in the morning then heads out to play football or the gym with his friends in the afternoon if we have nothing else planned.
This summer he has booked into sporting camps (one week tennis, one golf) for a week of half-days as well.
Even though you don't 'need' childcare or planned activities because you are not working, it might be helpful to look around for local teen clubs or activities to get them out of the house without needing a whole family adventure. Being at home all the time makes it very easy to revert to gaming, and difficult to argue that they should be doing something else.

My 15yo has never shown much interest in gaming, other than some ipad Minecraft a few years ago, and some bizarre online game based on the United Nations, where they all write manifestos and speeches, do votes on motions etc. Doesn't have a console, and has never asked for one.

He's heavily into music and drama, so has arranged (via me) a week's screenwriting course, a 'play in a week', a choral week in another city and an orchestral course. I realise this makes him a total neek, but he doesn't seem to care.

Avoiding going down the gaming wormhole seems to involve them having other, absorbing, interests that are more rewarding for their brains...

We've also been very lucky...

Yes my 15 year old is also very sporty/physically active. He always has been, it's who he is. He's out on a long bike ride at the moment, later he will play football with a mate. Every day he's outside doing something physical, he does also do some gaming, catches up on his Snapchat /tik too whatever. He's got a fairly good balance I think - although I would like him to do a few jobs around the house!

We never bought them gaming consoles, having seen the problems they caused with older friends’ children.

Both of mine play cricket, which means that they spend a lot of time at the club… playing their matches, watching their sibling’s/friends’ matches, scoring for matches, scrounging drinks/snacks out of friends’ parents, lying on the grass talking rubbish, nagging the groundsmen to let them drive the golf buggy around, popping into the clubhouse to watch the odd Olympics event.

I have a 14yo DS who doesn't game much. I'm not sure I have any golden tips though, as it seems to be just who he is. He's spending this summer going to the gym (our local gym has set times when 14-15 year olds can go without an adult), volunteering at the library, playing cricket, going on bike rides and playing in a band. We have an Xbox and he does game a bit, but gets bored of it after an hour or two.

Bribery.
And holiday clubs (though maybe not all day/week for yours).
I work most of the summer and have a 12 year old and a 10 year old. The 12 year old has SEN and has also been ill in hospital but we had already booked him swimming lessons which have either been a) great or b) he's been incredibly tired but has gone in and floated about a bit.
After that he's allowed game time/very light chores to earn more game time/we have a family outing (he would prefer to stay home and game but that's for AFTER the family outing).
10 year old DD has chosen some really fun clubs (science, theatre etc.) which are usually 9-3 and then has again a few light chores, some maths catchup, and then has earned her game time.

Thank you so much. I can just feel it creeping in. I bet you're also trying to work during their summer, and that makes it so much harder.

Thank you so much for your replies. It's really given me a lot to think about, and a new determination to keep mine interested in their clubs because it seems keeping teens busy - or them being the type to keep themselves busy - is key.
Mine don't like team sports but do scouts, musical theatre, instruments etc. so I'm hoping that might help.
Great to hear about your well-rounded, interesting and proactive teens, thank you.

We just bought ours a dartboard. Brilliant for basic numeracy and neither have touched their phones since

Yes gaming is pretty 'social' in a way isn't it, but what a shame that they'd rather sit and chat on Fortnite than go out for a skate! Sign of the times. My eldest is just about to start secondary so just about ready to walk with a friend to high street 20 mins away etc, I'm going to try to encourage it.

I have been dragging them out to hit the ball/ play donkey/ chasing, playing board games, asking for them to help clean etc etc but to be honest it is just a slog and a half! I also suggested drawing a picture to give to their granny and it was literally minutes before they were saying they’re done and could they turn on the tv. Youngest 9, then 11, 14 and 17. No answer for you really!

Also to add the person who said bribery above. That too!

I am so sorry, genuinely. Have heard similar things from friends with older children who started school-refusing to game etc. It can indeed be toxic.
How is your 15 year old doing these days?

15yo games a lot in the evenings, but tends be out all day practicing his sport.

I say all day...I mean the teenage day that begins at 12pm.

Exactly, isn't it a slog?! It's the first summer I've noticed it but yours are older, you've done well to get this far with them still doing wholesome activities!
That moment when you realise the house is love and quiet, then realise it's because a TV has gone on!
I suppose I could just turn off the WiFi but DH sometimes needs it to wfh!

This might be a male/female thing because neither of my teenage girls have ever had the slightest interest in gaming. I don't think they've spent a single second of their lives on a game yet as far as I know. (I'm not saying they don't on tiktok btw!)

A friend of mine who has two boys says the worst decision she ever made was a play station for them one Christmas. It is has been a fight since ti get them off it.

My son spent all of his free time from 14-16 playing Xbox, I probably should have worried more about that then I did but as someone else said he lost interest pretty quickly once girlfriends came on the scene.