Do you have teens who don't want to game away your summer? What's your secret?!

[CautiousOptimist]

Gaming is creeping into our summer holidays more than ever before.

I have 3 DS aged 11, 9 and 4. The oldest plays Fortnite, the middle one Minecraft and Roblox, the little one the odd iPad game. They also all like watching telly, not films so much.

I work in schools so have the whole summer off (realise how fortunate this makes me), but obviously still plenty to do at home, cooking, gardening, housework, endless washing etc.

The days of the kids trailing me around playing and trampolining and reading seem to be gradually being replaced by the big ones sneaking off to game. I don't mind, some of the time, it's their holiday after all.

I have been taking them out a lot - playgrounds, swimming, friends houses, museums, London, asking friends over to keep them off their screens! But I really don't want them turning into 14 year olds who want to game all day while they're at home.

If your 14 year olds aren't like that, did you do anything to encourage it - strict boundaries when younger or anything else - or is it just about personality?

Goes without saying if your 14 years old olds game all day and you're happy with that, absolutely fair enough!

Thanks in advance for any tips.

We did have an Xbox in the living room and an old Wii and later a Switch but they all had to be shared and weren't allowed in bedrooms in the early days (similar to phones, eased off as they got older), no TVs in bedrooms either. Lots of hobbies and attended summer camps etc. One DS one DD, not a boy girl difference in our house, although they do prefer different games. Neither are massively sociable and never really worked out how to link up with other people in the early days so got bored of playing by themselves after a while.

They don't really do social media either, especially not DD, do still game a bit (age 18 and 20) but seem to fill their time OK, part time jobs, sports, both go out for walks, meet friends occasionally, catch the bus into bigger towns, one plays darts for hours on end (I definitely recommend that too, it is also good if a friend does come round). However they do do a lot of youtube, I'd prefer less of that TBH but it hasn't caused any specific problems.

They seem to be striking a good balance. DS16 goes to the gym every day, sometimes with his girlfriend, and I went to the Marvel film with him yesterday. DS14 has had a few sleepovers here and is playing the piano and violin a lot. But they are both into games too, we finally got an Xbox series X today so I think they'll be on it all evening!

I don't think I've been very strict at policing screens, but then I've never had to, they have them and use them, but not that much.

Think it does help that my boys are very sporty, like being outside and walking their dog etc. all have had part time jobs from quite young so couldn't face a day at work after a night of gaming

However I am also very sporty and adventurous, I can't stand seeing kids and adults at tables with screens etc, so maybe I have subconsciously set boundaries.

Looking at the very negative impact of my partner's boys unfettered access to gaming (I'm talking 18 hours a day sometimes), I would definitely limit because I can see how damaging it is. It makes me sad, they are missing so much real life, but I've given up asking them to join us on outings
The oldest sees nobody, does nothing

Maybe it's just normal now and I'm out of touch

Oh and I second a dartboard
And a ping pong table
Even the gaming pair love these. It's quite interesting looking at these comments, darts seems to be very attractive to gamers

My 14 year old was working, appreciate this is not an option for all

My stepdaughter (14) comes out places with us most days although she spends a lot of time on her laptop and Nintendo DS when we're at home. We'd prefer her not to but she brings them with her from her Mum's and she's pretty good about getting off them when we tell her to. You're in charge in your house though. If you don't want them on games consoles, don't buy them games consoles. Turn off the Wifi.

Mine aren't allowed screens on in the mornings in the holidays ( excluding weekends). This means that they don't get several hours gaming in before we have decided what to do with the day. They can game everyday but not for hours and hours. I am not anti gaming but I don't want them being sedentary.

The 9 and 4yo I'd impose strict screen limits on, the older one it's tricky though.

I never bought any consoles but I have a dd so maybe it's different 🤷‍♀️

My dd (now 18yo but has always been similar) sees her friends, walks the dog, does craft stuff and works PT. She does watch TV and go on her phone as well but it feels fairly balanced.

I think I was strict with screen time as she grew up though so maybe it's paid off (or it's just luck!)

My 15yr old is exactly the same. He games too but we’ve never imposed restrictions. He’s very sociable, has a girlfriend and spends a lot of time in the local woods building jumps and riding his bike.

He’s grown up in an active family, but I do just think it’s down to personality, location and friendship groups.

I think the question of what kids over the age of about 12 do over summer is a HUGE issue for society! We all know that they are no longer really able to attend holiday clubs - some lucky cities still have free playschemes /adventure playgrounds/ youth clubs but they have been decimated by austerity.

If we want them off the gaming (and I have the same problem with my 12 yr old) - we have to think what else will they be doing. They are really too old by 12 to bake/ do art with their mums! Lets be honest.

What they 'should' be doing is - playing with their own peers - out running about, going on bike rides, playing in woods - stuff kids ould have been doing in big gangs a generation ago

But - as we know for multiple reasons - we have on the whole completely lost the 'playing out' element of childhood and teen years.

I think the answer for me so far is really hook up with other similar minded parents - though I realise this is more suitable for a 12 yr old than a 14 yrr old - and just join forces to push them out to the park with a ball, to a basketball court - down to the beach/ into town to swim etc.

We have to think - before gaming indoors was an option - teeens went and hung out cos it was boring at home -

The truth is - we need to say no to the gaming - so its boring - so they then are motivated to meet up with friends.

I know how hard it is - but we have to just say no sometimes - ie. 2 hours gaming on a holiday or whatever works for you - and you only get it if you have other plans too.

Cricket. Cricket matches, cricket training, cricket festivals, cricket camps or just going to the nets to have a bat or bowl. Or batting and bowling in the back garden. Cricket can take up the whole summer if they wanted.

This 100%… a sport or hobby no matter what as long as they enjoy it, want to stick at it and involves other people.

We live rurally so it’s really easy to just sit in the house and game due to friends being spread across a few villages within a 10 mile area. So I make a real effort to say yes whenever dc want a lift anywhere.

My 15yr old mainly goes mountain biking and fishing.

It’s expensive, but I basically book up their summer (older one now plans for herself, I pay) with courses in whatever they’re interested in (singing, paddle boarding, school language exchange, whatever), a family holiday, trips on my non working days, visits to grandparents, a day every so often at home all day on screens. I also encourage sleepovers and other social meet ups with their friends.

But this is only possible because I can spend money on the type of course they want to do and on day trips, and because we are in London so they can easily travel to courses or meet up with friends.

I’d think really carefully about all-out ‘banning’/preventing of screens for teenage boys, for those who are saying that. Yes it will prevent them from becoming addicted to screens but it will likely also isolate them socially. All of my teenagers’ friendships have a big element of gaming to them. They have one friend who isn’t allowed to game hardly at all, and he is much less close to them than they are to each other.

the way we handled it is we let them game, but with limits. No screen time in the week at all until about 13, and limited time at weekends. Now the older one is 15, he has more autonomy but as others on the thread have said, once they want to meet girls/boys, that helps a lot! Mine also plays a lot of sport. But if you retain some control in the early years, they should develop other interests that mean you can relax control a bit when they’re older.

I’m afraid I think it’s just a bit lazy when parents ban something outright because they find it hard to set limits. Just set the limits and impose them. If you’re serious about them, your kids will respect them and it’s better than an all-out ban and social isolation IMO.

I don't see gaming as social at all, I'm afraid.
Even messaging with known school friends is not learning the whole range of social skills.

It's just personality. As soon as my son was able to go out with mates on his own that's what they wanted to do. We lived near countryside so they would go off all day in the summer, very enid blyton wholesome! Then it was skate park all day and these days it's the beach or Football pitch. Don't get me wrong they game all evening but they want to be outside, my DS especially. These are 15 and 16 year olds. Nothing I did to encourage it, it's just how he is.

@drspouse they don't just message though, they play a multi player game together and chat with each other over their headsets. I'm not saying they learn a range of social skills, but it is a socially bonding group experience.

Our 16 year old is driving a tractor for a local farmer 10 hrs a day he's happy as Larry

My 14-year-old never games. She does a lot of outdoor sports - rides horses 🏇 and plays tennis 🎾 every day.

You can't say gaming isn't social. You might not like it but they are having sometimes hours long multi person conversations over headsets whilst engaging in an online multiplayer game together often involving teams and strategies. It's socialising in the virtual world.

For my 15 year old it's rugby and even though not a summer sport he is very into fitness and keeping in best possible shape for next season.

I agree that it's about getting them involved in other things.

My 15yo does game a lot and I don't mind, but he doesn't have a lot of other hobbies.

I think this article has some really good tips actually.

https://slate.com/human-interest/2010/05/how-to-motivate-an-inert-child.html

My 11 and 9 year old are not allowed anything screen based before 4pm and then not after dinner. Same rules as term time.

Gaming is social, or at least it can be. When my teenager is playing FIFA with his friends, they’re on an open call and chatting about all sorts of stuff - football, obviously, but also school, friends, teachers, jokes.

It may not be high level intellectual stuff but it’s certainly no lesss valuable than the many hours I spent talking to my friends on the landline in the 90s discussing whether or not some boy or other liked us!