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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 yo DS not doing anything in summer hols

53 replies

driedapricots101 · 30/07/2024 19:07

He has only a few friends & sees them very sporadically but 8/10 days this summer holiday, he's been on his own.. on his phone, or playing video games.. he might pop to shops or do a little bit of other stuff, but as I'm wfh i am seeing his days pass by & there's very little going on. Tried encouraging him to reach out to friends but the few he has are on holiday apparently. Even when they're not they don't seem to just meet up & hang out..go outside!!! Is this normal for boys this age?? It doesn't help he's not into football/ sports.. guess I'm hoping for some reassurance or practical advice to help. Thanks!

OP posts:
Lovetotravel123 · 30/07/2024 19:10

Mine is like this but plays games with his friends online. I try to get him to do something constructive and not screen-based for at least an hour each day. I work term-time only so it’s easier for me to help occupy him. But left to his own devices he would be like yours.

Precipice · 30/07/2024 19:12

He's relaxing.

HaveYouSeenRain · 30/07/2024 19:12

Why do you let him do this? He is only 14 not 17! Give his day some structure, put him down to some sports activities like football or tennis camps. How depressing for a child to be home alone w screens all day.

Ponderingwindow · 30/07/2024 19:15

My dd at 14 would do nothing but sit in bed if I let her. She is ASD and it’s easy for her to withdraw. She talks to friends online, but wouldn’t meet in person.

I sent her to two weeks of camps and then she volunteered part-time.

same in subsequent summers, a mix of camps and work. Eventually her volunteer position became flexible paid employment willing to work around her travel schedule.

Original poster
driedapricots101 · 30/07/2024 19:22

HaveYouSeenRain · 30/07/2024 19:12

Why do you let him do this? He is only 14 not 17! Give his day some structure, put him down to some sports activities like football or tennis camps. How depressing for a child to be home alone w screens all day.

I don't 'let him'.. I wfh so he's not home alone & I'll give him chores/ tasks to do to break up the day. Once a week I'm off & once a week he does something with grandparents. It's the days in between I worry about & it's a long summer! As for camps.. Have you got/had a 14yo DS? There is no way I could get him to go to any kind of camp- even if they existed for this age group, which they don't. They end at 13. He hates football & frankly forcing him to do that would be more detrimental to his mental health! He's not unhappy. I just feel he's not living life to the fullest at his age.

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 30/07/2024 19:29

It's partly that it's difficult to find organised activities for this age group. Would he like climbing? We have a climbing centre near us that run school holiday sessions. Any gaming clubs / coding? It's really tricky isn't it?

Tupperwarefan · 30/07/2024 19:29

I know what you mean OP. My teenager would game all day if I let him. He is online with his friends though which does make me feel better. On my days off I try to do things with him (food related!) and take him in to town.

Summertimer · 30/07/2024 19:32

Sounds quite normal - 14 is that inbetweeny time when they were too old for clubs and sometimes a bit young to want to go out and hang out with mates.

cerebuswannabe · 30/07/2024 19:39

Are you taking him out on your days off?

Original poster
driedapricots101 · 30/07/2024 19:43

@cerebuswannabe of course!

OP posts:
HaveYouSeenRain · 30/07/2024 19:52

driedapricots101 · 30/07/2024 19:22

I don't 'let him'.. I wfh so he's not home alone & I'll give him chores/ tasks to do to break up the day. Once a week I'm off & once a week he does something with grandparents. It's the days in between I worry about & it's a long summer! As for camps.. Have you got/had a 14yo DS? There is no way I could get him to go to any kind of camp- even if they existed for this age group, which they don't. They end at 13. He hates football & frankly forcing him to do that would be more detrimental to his mental health! He's not unhappy. I just feel he's not living life to the fullest at his age.

Show quote history

Of course he isn’t. And you know it’s not enough, it’s not stimulating or interesting to spend all day gaming or on the phone.

I don’t know what job you do but I can’t WFH and spend quality time with my kids. It’s basically being home alone as I have to focus and be on video calls. Also sorry I don’t know your area but there must be something other teenagers do that’s not gaming?

crazycatmum42069 · 30/07/2024 19:56

DD used to be exactly like this at that age which also concerned me that she’s not living life to the fullest, but at the end of the day she was happy, and I agree with you that entertaining teenagers of that age can be tricky.

She eventually outgrew it fairly quickly so I wouldn’t worry too much. The fact that your son is still going out to the shops / doing chores in the day means he’s doing something productive and isn’t glued to a screen 24/7.

9 months straight of school is draining and if this is his way of relaxing in the summer, i’d say just allow it :)

nongnangning · 30/07/2024 19:58

Are you anywhere near a sailing centre - could be on a local reservoir or lake or at the coast? 14 is a really good age to have a go at sailing and windsurfing. Many sailing clubs run an RYA scheme called OnBoard which gives you a go for a couple of hours for about £20. If money isn't too tight you could sign him up for a week's mixed watersports taster or to do his sailing level 1 (absolute beginner)

GradGirl · 30/07/2024 19:59

It would be fine with me if he was happy. My teen probably did the same at that age, fast forward a few years and they’ve got a great social life and a part time job.

Sleepychicken · 30/07/2024 19:59

Yep my ds is like this, his saving grace this summer is that he’s joined the local gym though so he’s getting up, going to the gym - alone - (he runs there and back) but then home, showered and gaming! He’s talking online with his friends but no plans to meet up 😞 *edited to say he’s happy so I just go with it

MumChp · 30/07/2024 20:02

Let him pick a Summer Camp.
Let him do cooking.
Expect him to read, go grocery shopping and write a letter to nan. Or similar.

And of course he can game - he has a lot of time but gaming 24/7 is not an option here.

cupcaske123 · 30/07/2024 20:08

Volunteering, skateboarding, photography, cooking class, camping, couch to 5k, parkrun, gym membership, amateur dramatics, boardgames, drawing classes, coding, podcasting.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 30/07/2024 20:09

Please don't worry yourself. I don't remember my dp's entertaining me at 14!! This is the way most 14yr olds are these days, it's not abnormal, well, i suppose it is 😄when you think back to your childhood. But these are the times we live in. Can you have a wee scout about your local area for teen entertainment and make suggestions for him. Other than that, if he's happy leave him be. He will be 1 of a thousand 14yr olds doing the exact same thing. X

VividQuoter · 30/07/2024 20:11

Not everyone is into deep social life, no matter the age. I work, come home and all I have power left to do after being on my feet, is sit down, browse online and eat or mooch on some youtube video or whatever.

VividQuoter · 30/07/2024 20:12

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 30/07/2024 20:09

Please don't worry yourself. I don't remember my dp's entertaining me at 14!! This is the way most 14yr olds are these days, it's not abnormal, well, i suppose it is 😄when you think back to your childhood. But these are the times we live in. Can you have a wee scout about your local area for teen entertainment and make suggestions for him. Other than that, if he's happy leave him be. He will be 1 of a thousand 14yr olds doing the exact same thing. X

Yes, yes and yes. And many more thousands of all kinds of ages

seecrispseat · 30/07/2024 20:12

I nearly started a thread about this yesterday. DS is the same but also ASD/Adhd. I find it hugely stressful. He has limited ability to plan or organise himself and same goes for his mates. The lack of structure provided by school is missed.

As OP said, summer activities would make him unhappy and he's too old anyway. He games way too much, watches way too much YouTube. His sibling is busy working and planning for uni.

I have been gently suggesting a 'goals' list of things he'd like to do, e.g learning some coding, reading a graphic novel, doing a bus journey alone. And to make a plan at night for each following day.

HaveYouSeenRain · 30/07/2024 20:14

VividQuoter · 30/07/2024 20:12

Yes, yes and yes. And many more thousands of all kinds of ages

Show quote history

And that’s a good thing why exactly? Ever heard of negative impacts on young people’s mental health because of too much screen time?

nongnangning · 30/07/2024 20:14

@MumCHP 's idea of cooking is a good one. There are loads of videos on YouTube as he will doubtless know! Expect strange cuts of meat

Needanewname42 · 30/07/2024 20:19

HaveYouSeenRain · 30/07/2024 19:12

Why do you let him do this? He is only 14 not 17! Give his day some structure, put him down to some sports activities like football or tennis camps. How depressing for a child to be home alone w screens all day.

That's easier said than done. There aren't that many things for older kids.

Op I'm having similar issues with 13 yo.

coworkingdesk · 30/07/2024 20:24

If my DS had the choice he would probably do the same so I've just gone ahead and organised some clubs for him, he did moan a bit at first but started one today and really enjoyed something different. He has some good mates but is rubbish at making plans unless someone else instigates it and like your DS, a lot of them are away at the moment.