I can't deal with how lazy my 17 year old is

[tiredmummy333]

So my daughter is 17 and is very lazy.

She has no motivation to do anything, to get her to even wash some dishes or clean up after herself is an argument. She won't clean her room.

She wakes up in the morning and lies down on her phone or watching tv.

If I don't cook for her she won't cook or will eat oven food or pasta. Sometimes she won't bother eating as she doesn't want to wash up after herself.

I have absolutely had enough! I know the summer holidays are going to be her lying around doing nothing while I have to work, cook and clean. I know we are going to argue a lot.

I have spoke with her and said let's do a trial for one week in the holidays where she does things I ask around the house and I will pay her. She said she doesn't know if she will be able to stick to it because she just hates doing stuff.

I feel like there is no way to make her more productive and it stresses me out so much.

I'm sick of her using the bathroom and leaving it for me to clean etc.

Any advice?

Typical I'm.afraid, bet she has a floordrobe, all of her clothes in a heap on the bedroom floor. My friends have all had the same experience, my DD would stay in bed on her phone or lap.top if she didn't need to get up, however after many applications she got job in a supermarket whilst at 6th form, and kept it up in uni holidays She has just started her first role after her degree, still doesn't like working but loves the rewards. Try not to get worked up about it, just wait til.it passes

I have two teen DDs and this sounds pretty normal behaviour to me. Mine have set chores - no chores, no pocket money. This is on top of their bedrooms - they also have to be cleaned weekly. They strip and re-make their beds once a week. I have taught them how to do all of that … none of it happened by magic. Weeks of showing them how to make their beds and cleaning their rooms with them, then just supervising etc … your DD possibly doesn’t know where to start with what you expect of her. One of my DDs cooks dinner with me every night the other one helps clean up after. We alternate every week. They’ve recently been learning how to sort their laundry & use the washing machine … but again this all has to be taught.

I used to be a bit like that as a teen. I felt lazy to the bone - think it was mostly hormones. My DM was super stressed about it, which actually made me want to do even LESS (probably out of spite). As soon as I left home I was fine!
One thing that did work, was having to do chores in order to get pocket money - I would clean the bathroom, and clean my room once a week.

I was exactly the same at that age. I came home from school and would immediately go to bed and stick the TV on. I'd spend all weekend lying in bed watching TV. My room was a filthy pit. The only thing I had any motivation for was meeting friends.
I'm pleased to say I didn't remain lazy. I now never stop! I'm constantly doing stuff.
My teenage DD is also lazy. She just lies on the sofa or bed watching Netflix or looking at her phone. She's outraged if I ask her to tidy her room or anything. I have to remind myself that I was the same and it's just a (very long) phase.
I'm kind of inclined to just leave her to it really. Teenage years are hard with huge physical, emotional and hormonal changes happening. They have the pressure of school and exams and lots of very intense feelings around friendships and boys. We don't know the half of what's going through their minds.

She sounds like my spirit animal. If my partner's away I will live off toast; life's too short to spend it cooking for yourself.

All joking aside though, she's 17. It's normal. Frustrating, but normal. She's in that in-between stage where she's not a child but not an adult. Largely independent but still at your mercy. Life will change significantly for her over the next 5 years; personally I'd give her some slack. A levels, hormones, impending life changes, social hurdles etc, all emotionally draining to be honest. I remember it well.

#tiredmummy why don't you try doing nothing for her eg don't buy food, use what's in your cupboards, buy only what you need for specific evening meals. Don't buy breakfast cereal, let bread/milk etc run out etc. You get where I'm coming from. Hunger, and I know she won't be starving as I'm assuming she's included in the evening meal, but everything else is down to her. Hunger, not that we in the west understand real hunger, focuses the mind.

Do you have a partner? Do they help out much around the house?
I only ask as my DM was a lot like you when I was a teen (v stressed at me for not doing enough around the house), but looking back I think this was partly misplaced anger at my dad doing fuck all round the house / spending little time with us as a family. She never used to say anything to him but instead would focus her anger on my failings.

I'm sorry but, I feel a massive disrespect to 17 year olds here. She's essentially going to be an adult within the next 12 months. How is she going to look after herself and understand about the world if the view is 'oh well she's a teen'. I accept some of that at 15, but 17!!!

I have a 17 year old. She has just finished a year at college. She works 3 shifts a week, her room is sometimes a tip and that's hers to manage. She cooks for us as a family, and herself if she feels like it, she cleans her room, does washing and drying, changing her own bedding, tidying, washing the dishes. She's a fully functioning member of our family - she's not Cinderella, we all pull our weight. She has the skills needed to run her own home should she choose to.

I'd be cutting the funding and the internet if I was you! They are things that are earned not a given. You are a member of the family who pulls their weight, or you're not and can't expect the privilege that goes with that. Get tough OP!

I don’t know 🤔 my mum was an absolute dreadful nag and continued to be like that even when I was a fully functioning adult with good qualifications and a full time very busy job , living away from home , keeping a fairly clean and tidy small home of my own .
I don’t have a great relationship with her , have never felt supported .
Anyhow , my own family I gave them small manageable jobs to do that would be very difficult to mess up 😆 and tried to ignore their bedrooms 😬 which is difficult I know .
They were all good at putting dirty laundry in the baskets and brought cups and plates to the kitchen to load the dishwasher.
They took any clean laundry up to their rooms and put it away , would get a load in off the washing line for me if it looked like rain ☔️ that sort of thing because I’d say to them “ look I’m right in the midst of this now can you quickly do that “
One turned out to be better than me at folding items nicely 😆
Sometimes I’d get one of them to cook dinner for the whole family by saying I’d had a busier day than expected so needed to catch up with something else at home first before cooking .
One would decide they’d rather get on with cooking than waiting for mum to do it.
They turned out to be lovely, caring , supportive, have good relationships and decent jobs .
One is particularly tidy now !
When one of them seemed to be particularly tired we had some health investigations and turns out they had a serious digestive disease 🥺 and weren’t just being lazy