Thoughts on what age is appropriate for parents and teens to share a room in a hotel.

[Truffle55]

I have just got back from a holiday in Greece. I am a single mum and my DS is 12. We have not been away for a long time and I (possibly stupidly) assumed the hotels (we island hopped so multiple stays) would see he was 12 from the booking and at very least put us in a twin room.

Basically they didn’t.

At the first stop, we had a double room. At the second, they didn’t, but it was a family run hotel and they changed the room into a twin for us. The third, was a twin, albeit the beds were pushed together.

The age of a “child” changes depending on who you book with. It can range anywhere up to age 17. But next year, when we travel he will be 13 maybe 14. Frankly, I don’t really want to be sharing with him at age 14 but booking a second room will obviously increase the price considerably. I do accept that but that also could mean the difference between travelling and not traveling for us. And he loves to travel and seeing new things.

I have booked a long weekend abroad in a few weeks to test out the idea of AirBNB to see if that could be a possible answer.

My question is, what age do you think it’s acceptable to share a room with your child?

I hate sharing a bed with anyone but I'm sharing a room this summer with DD who will be approaching 19.

I'd feel weird walking away from her at the end of the night and waiting to meet up for breakfast.

I think it really just depends on your family dynamics. We are a family of four, Ds aged 12, dd aged 20 and dh and me. When we go away we usually get a 2 bed hotel / apartment and Ds and dd share, twin room obviously, not double, but they have a great time. Dd is away at university most of the time and Ds misses her lots so when we go away they have fun sharing a room, stay up late chatting and whatever. Dd is happy to go - we still pay for her to join us and she knows part of the deal is she has to share and that’s fine with her. Obviously both get dressed in the shower room or if dd wants privacy she basically kicks Ds out for a bit 🤣

If it was just me and Ds travelling I wouldn’t mind sharing a double bed with him. For us beds are just somewhere to crash at the end of a busy day exploring. We put up with whatever is the best option budget wise to make the most of the time we have together.

I agree with you 100%. You wouldn’t think it would be that difficult - as you say, friends want to go away together but share the same bed.

It’s not that I mind being in the same room as my son it’s just at age 14 it feels a bit 😬 to share a bad - besides which, he kicks and lays at an angle 🤣 (as I found out in Greece).

I travel a fair bit with my teen DSs. They're now 14 and 17 and we still share a room. It's not doable otherwise. Though we do sometimes stay in a caravan or Air BnB with 2 bedrooms. We had a triple room in South Korea a few months ago which was amazing! Usually I end up on the sofa bed. The boys don't mind sharing a double bed if we don't get a twin, the beds are usually big enough that they can sleep far apart. Unlike when they were little and used to kick each other!

I would take your cue from your DS.

On the whole, parents are probably less bothered about sharing with children than children are with parents - whatever their ages.

I remember being expected to share a room with my parents when I was in my teens, and I hated it.

If your teenage/adult children are happy sharing, they will let you know. But you should give them the option to choose something else, and you should make sure they know it's a real choice.

Any age. I shared a room with my dad as a teen. We just changed in the bathroom. I think sharing a bed is not okay for opposite sexes as a teen. But sharing a room and giving each other privacy is fine.

Share a room? Forever. I still share with my mum on very rare occasions and I’m 44.
Share a bed? If the opposite sex probably around 13.
I still share a bed with my 13 yr old DD sometimes.

Fine for you.

It might not be fine for other teenagers. I think it's important to respect how children/teens/young adults feel. Otherwise, we're teaching them that their boundaries don't matter, aren't we?

Well, yes. We all give our opinion based on our own experiences. I’m sure others will from their own.

Of course. And that was my opinion - that parents need to think about whether what is 'fine' for them might not be 'fine' for their children.

Or do you think other posters aren't entitled to weigh in in response to posts?

Huh? Why are you getting stressed?
I shared my opinion, you share yours, someone else shares theirs. That’s how this goes. I have no issue with people disagreeing with me.

I go away frequently with my 15yr old son and we share a room. Last trip away (last month) I did ask about separate rooms but they didn't want it. Part of the adventure is chatting together, planning the next day etc in our room.

Not stressed in the least - I was just trying to be polite since you'd had an issue with someone disagreeing with you. No bother if you're not fussed!

I appreciate what you’re saying @SarahAndQuack , as long as the teenager also understands that the trip might have to be cancelled if two rooms exceeds the parent’s budget.

My DD (19) is paying for a holiday with a friend this summer and they’re staying in youth hostel dorms (six bunks, I think) because that’s what they can afford.

Does no one go camping or to hostels?

We all share at all ages. Usually within a few feet of strangers of all ages. I don’t understand the angst about hotels?

Huge difference between a teenager taking control of their budget and choosing to share with friends, and a parent of a 12 year old thinking about what that child might be comfortable doing.

I don't personally think a child aged 12 ought to be told 'you can either have a holiday where you feel uncomfortable sharing with a parent, or no holiday at all'. Very different if the question is some young adults deciding together what level of luxury/bargain basement accommodation they can all agree upon.

That might be the financial reality though - I’d have trouble justifying £2-3k for a week in a hotel in Broadstairs, but that’s what it would cost me if DS and I had separate rooms (£150-200 per room per night).

I’m not saying he wouldn’t get any holiday, but he wouldn’t get that particular holiday if he wouldn’t share a twin room with me.

I don't personally think a child aged 12 ought to be told 'you can either have a holiday where you feel uncomfortable sharing with a parent, or no holiday at all'.

@SarahAndQuack What would you suggest that a parent does then if their budget only stretches to one hotel room, a hostel or camping then?

That’s the reality for many families, it certainly was for my parents, we typically stayed in hostels, never in a hotel. My DH often slept on the floor as he had three siblings!

@Saschka Exactly, most parents have a fairly set amount of money to spend on a holiday, you can’t magic extra out of the air-unless you put it on a card and pay extortionate interest.😂

Also a lot of rooms won’t let you put a child in a room without an adult! (Presumably in case of fire or other emergencies)

So below a certain age, they have to be in with one of you whether they like it or not.

You change in the bathroom. There is no age limit with parents and dc, even adult dc. I wouldn’t necessarily share a bed, but same room is ok.

Request twin beds. I go on holiday with my friend a lot. Its never been a problem

You can share forever, but request a twin room.

My oldest is 30 and we still share if we are travelling together - and also we still share a tent if camping together

We often share a Premier Inn family room - dh, ds(15), dd(12) and I - for 2 or 3 nights. We are very strict on taking turns to use the bathroom etc. we won't be able to do this when ds is 16 in a few months time. More than 3 nights we get 2 rooms (not limited to PI!) - boys room and girls room, and the dc are aware that this doubles the cost, so we go away less often.