You people that have lo's of 13 and over. Please come and help me! I'm struggling!

[MaureenMLove]

DD is 12 & half actually, but she may as well be a teenager!

She's been in the park with her mate and I had to phone her to come home because its absolutely hammering down! She really didn't get why I was bothered. She's soaking, in her new tracksuit, which is about 4 hours old. New trainers, also 4 hours old. It all came from Primark, so we're not talking more than £15 worth of gear and I know it'll all wash, but I'm p*ssed off. The attitude I get from her, when she's with this particular friend is getting on my wick too! She's a nice enough girl, but her family clearly don't have the same values as we do. All her clothes are top notch, as is her phone, for a start. She is also allowed much more freedom than my dd. Each to their own, I know, but how do I stop her seeing this girl, without dd turning completely against me and rebelling?

Wish I was on the 'my 6mth old baby won't sleep' thread. It was so much easier back then!

I don't think that you can. You'll only make the friend more attractive. Could you try inviting the friend round? You know what they say - keep your friends close and your enemies closer still!

don't think you can.

dd1 (14) suggests that you invite the girl round to your house where you can keep an eye on them both.

Sorry it's not much cop as advice goes.

As you know my DC aren't that age yet, but my mum always made a point of welcoming my mates - must have been a total PITA for her having hordes of teenagers thumping up and down the stairs, trailing bacon sandwich crumbs, but I rarely hung around in the park as a result.

You need to open up your home Mo and stop kicking the poor girl out!!

obviously, dd1's advice is blardy good - perhaps I should set her up as agony cousin?

Why are you worried? (not being argumentative) Getting wet isn't going to kill her. As you say the stuff will be OK once washed. Let her wash it.

You have to pick your battles with care.

If it doesn't directly affect you, and it isn't going to cause them mental or physical harm, let it go.

So this would only matter to you, if the stuff was ruined and you would have to replace it. Or wash it when you have other, better things to do.

Don't fight unless you need to, and when you do, make sure you win

you can't really stop her seeing her friend, and it would probably be counterproductive to try. Re wet clothes, does it really matter? What is the attitude that troubles you? Re the friends values, hard to be sure what her family's values are, surely? If you are secure in what you know and believe, don't worry about your dd meeting different ideas, it's bound to happen. And at 12.5, this freindship may only be a flash in the pan.

That's exactly what I mean MB! Why am I so bothered? She's not going to melt, is she? Although she will probably get another coldsore! I just don't seem to be able to relax about this teenage thing yet.

The girls mum is coming to collect her, when she's finished her drink, aparently! I think its just all the unknown stuff. All the time they are at primary school, you see all the parents and chat, but now she's at secondary school, her friends parents are a mystery to me. Its really hard not being in control! Maybe its because I'm a control freak! Probably! It bothers me that she's taken her top off and its in a heap on the floor, steaming. WHY FGS? Chill out woman!

Shall be repeating "Don't fight unless you need to, and when you do, make sure you win"
to myself on a regular basis. Think that sums up my life at the moment

Agree with the welcome her friend into your home ..I have always kept an open house for my dcs friends even the ones I didnt really like..My ds15 had one very dodgy mate when he was 13 but thankfully he grew out of him ..I agree about picking your battles getting wet not really a problem..I know its hard to let them go but sometimes you just have to

it will get easier! I know what you mean about secondary school...but the whole point of having dcs is that they grow up and become independent, isn't it? 'this too shall pass'- my friend had that (mentally) inscribed above her threshold when all dcs were tiny- just as valid now!

Maybe the going to the park novelty will wear off. They're young and enjoying not being indoors with parents atm. Shame the clocks are changing tonight, she'll be begging for even more time out if its lighter! I think I'll have a chat, when her friend has gone. Not about how I'm not keen on her friend, but maybe do something in the house to make it more attractive to them. Then I'll direct her to the washing machine!

good move!

You need to pick your battles.Being out in the rain won't harm her. Don't try and stop her seeing this friend you, she will probably go on seeing ner against your wishes. I agree with welcoming the friend into your home.

I thought you were going to say she was out all evening! Yes, getting soaked is silly, but teenagers are; as long as she really is just hanging around in the park getting soaked, rather than getting into some of the mischief she could be getting into, I wouldn't rage at her too much...

Def encourage her to invite the friend round and stay in when it's pouring down; but when she is out, insist she's home before it gets dark (until that gets really late, then give her a definite deadline to be breached at her peril )