What’s so awful about teens?

[Explaintomee]

On another thread an OP is warned about the awfulness of teenagers and how stressful they are.

Now I see this a lot on here and I don’t, 100% do not, want this to be taken as goady or provocative - what’s so awful about them? I’m in the preschool stage which is exhausting with potty training, constant need for entertainment, broken nights (one is a baby) early wake ups, toys everywhere.

By comparison teens seem self sufficient. Easy even.

So go on - what makes them worse than little ones?

[ringmybe11]

Following with interest as I have a 20 month old which feels like a difficult age.

[Explaintomee]

@ringmybe11

Following with interest as I have a 20 month old which feels like a difficult age.

I found that a tricky age and got better at 2 and a half, still hard but not as hard iyswim.

But then the other was born 😂

[dameofdilemma]

It’s a generalisation. And as such doesn’t apply to all teens.

At one end of the spectrum there might be mental health issues, addiction, bullying, abusive relationships etc.

At the other end it might be not helping out round the house or doing homework or being moody.

The big difference is unlike when children are young, it is less likely parents will be able to fix their problems. We can listen, sympathise, try to offer suggestions (and have them thrown back in our faces…) but you can’t fix stuff in the way you can when they’re little. And that’s heartbreaking. But it’s also part of growing up and becoming independent.

[MaloneMeadow]

The problems that you deal with at the teenage stage are far more complex and have the ability to directly affect their future. I’d definitely say it’s been far more stressful than when DD was younger. I can’t fix anything for her.

The issue is that teens are not self sufficient, yes they can get by on their own, do self care etc but it’s a difficult age where they still rely on their parents a lot for support and advice. Whether they’d like to admit that is a different case!

[Runninghappy]

My daughter is 15 and has never given me any trouble - hopefully that continues. However! The mood swings are bad! One moment she’s chatty and happy and fine and the next minute she’s grumpy. Not slamming doors an shouting, just grumpy. It’s easier in that you can leave them home alone and they can go out alone, but that adds additional worry!! Stress of exams, social media, friends etc is hard for teenagers.

[Fraaahnces]

Nothing much. I like mine. They have nice friends too.

[Explaintomee]

I can see that it’s hard and stressful wanting to solve problems but being unable to. I am just not totally sure that’s more exhausting than small ones but I’m willing to be proved wrong!

[Quethemusic]

Teenage years much easier than toddler years here. My teen is calm, thoughtful, funny and my favourite person to chat with. No door slamming, insults or foul moods like I'd been lead to believe.

[UnimaginableWindBird]

I found my kids much harder work as toddlers than as teens. I remember reading when they were little that it's great when you have a small child with the temperament to do what they are told, but when that child grows into a teenager, they follow their friends rather than their parents which is a whole lot more stressful!

I think that what's really hard about teenagers is that you can't control them, or their environment in the same way that you can with a small child, and you can't fix their problems in the same way.You have to let them make mistakes, but those mistakes have the potential for devastating consequences in a way that just isn't the case for a little child. Also, being a teenager is a very difficult time for a lot of people, and it's incredibly hard to watch the child you love go through the stress and unhappiness and often mental health problems that are often part of adolescence.

[WalkingThroughTreacle]

They're too big to strap into a high chair.

[Screamingabdabz]

There is nothing awful about teens if you see it as a developmental stage like you might with a teething baby or a tantrumming toddler. They are sometimes difficult and test boundaries which is admittedly challenging. Add in generally teen selfishness and gormlessness and some parents just can’t handle it.

But you have to see them as young people in their own right and learn to get to know them individual people. Some parents forget this and think they should be the same as when they were biddable young children and don’t like it when their own child questions the status quo. This is where the clashes happen and teens separate and become secretive and angry.

I think the key is to keep talking and show them love even when they’re unlovable. Spend time with them on their terms. Keep your own boundaries as a parent but try to listen without judging and support and celebrate the individual young person they are becoming.

[YorkBound]

😂😂😂 😂😂😂 😂😂😂
Gawd love ya!
I have dc 19, 17 & 15. And I work with autistic teens.
It's a different kind of parenting. And just like some toddlers are easy, so are some teens.

[Foxesandsquirrels]

As with anything it's a spectrum and obviously overjoyed parents of teens won't be on here asking for advice. Forums are normally where you go in times of desperation so it's quite normal that you'll see particularly bad examples of difficulties on here.
But as pp have said, it's really dependent and very hard. They're so easily lead and all it takes is for them to fall into the wrong group for it all to go wrong.

[AIstolemylunch]

I have 3 teens and I personally found it harder when they were little. You can't say to a 3y old I'm knackered I cba to cook here's my card, order yourself a deliveroo.

Seriously though, teens can be a pain but they are also cute and funny and it's fascinating seeing them navigate the world and work things out. The mess and the lazing about is a pita but I'd say it's easier to deal with than the tearing about like lunatics, constantly falling over and hurting themselves can't take your eyes off them years of early childhood.

I love seeing them working out the misunderstandings of childhood, misheard song lyrics etc. My 13y old came in this morning rubbing his leg saying Mum I think I need a thigh assist as he had sore legs from playing sport. We eventually worked out he meant physiotherapist 😁

[KalaMush]

@Explaintomee

I can see that it’s hard and stressful wanting to solve problems but being unable to. I am just not totally sure that’s more exhausting than small ones but I’m willing to be proved wrong!

This is exactly right OP (in my opinion).

Babies and toddlers are more exhausting, teens are more stressful.

My teens are mainly fab by the way!

[Hellocatshome]

It depends on the teen. Both mine are lovely but we did go through about a year where DS1 caused a lot of stress.

I think the difference is the stress you go through with a toddler such as sleepless nights, potty training, fussy eating are all annoying but essentially not a big deal.

The stress you can go through with teenagers has the potential to be life changing such as teen pregnancy, drugs, arrest, suicide etc.

[idontlikealdi]

I saw someone on here say their teen was like a large toddler except raging with hormones and think they know everything about everything.

For me the hardest part is that you don't have control of their lives anymore, you need to trust that they will make the right decisions etc. DTs have their moments but are generally nice to be around as are their friends.

[MamaWillYouBuyMeAWillYouBuyMeABanana]

With young kids you make all the decisions, whereas with teens you have to guide them and support their decisions.

It's difficult when they are hurtling towards a mistake and you have to watch it play out and just be there to pick up the pieces.

It's a different kind of exhausting sometimes parenting teens as opposed to young kids.

Mine were never moody or rude or argumentative or anything like that though.

[Explaintomee]

@KalaMush

This is exactly right OP (in my opinion).

Babies and toddlers are more exhausting, teens are more stressful.

My teens are mainly fab by the way!

Edited

Probably quite a good summary!

[hendoop]

So personally I am loving the age with one of mine and struggling with the other at the moment.

There's a lot of amazing things- their moods resemble toddlers, sunshine or rain.

You grieve the loss of their complete adoration and reliance -
Almost like you loose a dog and gain a cat, but they do come back on their own terms and in their own ways

They are so absorbed with their worlds, they don't see outside of themselves so they are selfish unconsciously.

They are amazing thou, like friends and confidents. You see them growing into the people they will be and their problems get bigger and you can't fix them

It's hard seeing them struggle and be unable
To solve their problems as they realise that not everyone is kind and life is not fair.

But they also are hillarious

[WalkingThroughTreacle]

More seriously, I think it's pointless generalising. To some extent, the teen(s) you get will depend in large part on how you've raised them up to that point. If they've learnt to trust you, and you them, if you've both learned the difference between discussion and argument and if you have come to terms with the fact that failures and mistakes are part of their journey in life then it shouldn't be too bad at all. That said, not all factors and influences are within your control. They will also be influenced by their peers, social media, their teachers and they may experience mental health issues.

[hendoop]

It's my favourite stage, I loved the toddler years but hated the baby years - I think each stage you find challenges you differently.

As long as you see their behaviour in context it's fine. Keep talking and good have a solid support system with their father and other adults in their lives, my ex and I co parent well and the communication and team
Parenting really helps

[BoohooWoohoo]

It’s not physically difficult eg they sleep through the night but it’s emotionally difficult as they are as stubborn as preschoolers but are physically bigger and smarter so know exactly which buttons to press and can do things like walk out the house when angry and you have no clue when they’ll be back. You have to worry about them encountering big issues like sex, drugs, crime and bullying during a time of their lives where they may be reluctant to talk to adults about what is happening.

Saying that, I think I’m luckier than most with my teens. I would like to say it’s my parenting but it’s been pure luck.

[HairLikeAnEasterEgg]

The self-centredness of teens reminds me in many ways of toddlers. I'm lucky in that mine haven't got involved in anything awful, and it's mainly just grumpiness and friend dramas, plus exams. But the laughs we have together are so precious to me, in the same way that the cute moments were when they were little. I'm definitely less knackered now than I was then so that's a bonus too.

I don't think I could go back to the baby and toddler years!

[TillieAnn1945]

Nothing. I have loved all the stages. The teen years are so much fun because they have such a great sense of humour.