Mourning how lovely my (now) teenagers were when they were little

[warmbath]

I'm not sure I am going to be able to explain this properly. My two eldest (17 and 15) are just horrible most of the time. Dd did something really naughty recently which we have worked through but caused me and DH a significant amount of worry and stress. I have found myself spending a lot of time looking back at photos and videos when they were little and getting really upset, wishing that I could rewind time when they loved us unconditionally and were safe and we knew what they were doing. I know this phase won't last forever but it's really impacting my mental health, I almost feel like I am grieving for the lovely children I have lost.

I get this. My teenagers aren't particularly horrible but I miss those days when they didn't sigh, grunt and tell me I'm so old and useless at tech compared to them. I miss those times when taking them to Tesco or to watch new houses being built would give them so much joy.

They still love you unconditionally but I have sympathy for what you're going through. Chin up, op. They'll be lovely again

I think we lose our kids during the teen years and regain them a few years later. Sending you hugs op, they will be back!

Literally said the same to husband today. Looking at old pictures of my ds. I miss him. It is so hard. Everybody says that they come back but it can feel really devastating some days and you have my sympathy.

Yes totally get this OP, i feel sad and nostalgic when I see old photos or videos, mainly because my dc played together and enjoyed spending time together, but now are totally dismissive of each other (and me!).

If they get sarky at you re tech, remind them that you taught them to use a spoon.

Thank you everyone, I am glad that it’s not just me being a sentimental old fool. @pinkpip100 yes I also greatly miss my two DCs playing together and getting on, they even shared a bedroom, they now utterly hate each other except when they hate us and then kind of talk just about how awful we are :( (we’re not!)

I read somewhere that it's like a really long breakup having kids...

I get it.

Yesterday my teenager smiled and I had to go and kiss him on the forehead as I'd forgotten he could be happy.

It’s ok to feel sentimental about children growing up. But don’t use the term mourning, it’s really insensitive.

Omg, I texted my sister in floods the other day, saying how much I missed my little blonde boy :(

she understood

I know exactly how you feel. My eldest who is 17 has been through some really difficult situations and used to be such a happy kid.
I look back a lot at photos and wish I could go back to a time when I didn't know things I know about her now or what we had coming and when she was happy. I think I just assumed it would all be ok because I couldn't imagine it any other way. It was so hard when they were little and I was a SAHM, I used to dream of them being older and not so dependent on me but now I wish I could see their little faces and give them a big hug and wouldn't get stressed with stupid things. The teen years are so tough and I think a lot of people look back with rose tinted glasses thinking it was easier back when they were small. I think the difference is when they grow up is the problems are bigger and you lose some control - it's scary!

I get this. I actually still think my teens are lovely but oh, how I miss the uncomplicated cuddles with them in the long-ago small child days 🥺 I berate myself constantly for not having appreciated it enough at the time, or not having found some way to pause time 😭

In France they say « petits enfants, petits soucis » which made me want to smash their faces in when my dcs were small and always, always sick. 18 years on I totally get it.

Totally get it, really miss holding tiny hands tight

My youngest is almost 3 and this is my reminder why I am not pushing myself at work and spend most of my days cuddling her all day! I needed to read this I think to appreciate this time that I'm in although it's exhausting. Sending love to all in the teen years 💙

Right there with you :(

This too will pass. My children were not a rest cure during the teenage years but are now a total delight and fill me with pride. Give it time. The lovely adults they turn into are as wonderful as the little tots they once were. Honestly - hang on in there.

Budge up, I need to be in this slightly shit club.

I like to spoil my Mum now days because I remember being a bit of a twat in the late teenage years. Hopefully they do the same for you 😎

I couldn't agree more. I feel a type of grief. I can't call it grief because that's too harsh and I feel silly using that word.
But I can't look at photos or film of my teen from when she was young because I find it too upsetting. So I just avoid it.
I can't correlate the two. It's like 2 different people.

It’s so hard. No one warned me and it came as a shock ( naive)

My teens aren't horrible but looking back at pictures and videos of when they were little makes me sad and happy at the same time. I love reminiscing about the good old days. What makes me sad is how much happier they seemed to be as toddlers/primary school kids compared to now. DH said the other day that when they were really little it felt like hard work and also we were so busy we didn't get a chance to enjoy it but they were simpler times compared to teen angst.

My teens are still luckily pleasant and good company (I know this could all change tomorrow, I’m not being smug!) but I absolutely do find it painful looking at pics and videos of them as chubby toddlers and want to weep.

If it helps all teens are like that, until they grow up and need their mums & dads again. It's the circle of life I'm afraid.

My teen is also a Kevin & Perry, you have my sympathies.