Does anyone actually enjoy the teen years and like their teenagers?

[MasterOfNobody]

I have been reading a few teen threads and they all sound so bleak with teens that think of nobody but themselves, swear, make bad choices, refuse to engage with parents etc.

it made me wonder whether I am exceedingly lucky (it would be luck, I am no great parent) or whether it’s just those who are actively enjoying the teen years don’t feel the need to post.

I have girls in years 13 and 11 and a boy in year 7 (so he’s not a teen). I love the teen years as their conversations get more relatable, the things they like to do as a family more similar to things I’d choose to do myself, they can help out more, they bring friends over who are run to talk to. I love spending time with them and am gutted to think my eldest will probably leave for uni this year.

they aren’t perfect, they can be inconsiderate and overly emotional and my Year 11 is best avoided for the day her period starts. I worry about them much more than I did when they were little and to be that’s the big challenge of having teens. Their problems are harder to fix and their mental health is so precious to me but sometimes precarious due to the pressures they put on themselves to do well at school and have good social lives and look good etc - it’s all so much for them to deal with. But on the whole they are a joy.

I should say I work outside the home 12 hours a day 4x a week and sometimes I wonder whether that is the key to enjoying them: I’m not here all the time and they have had to learn to do quite a bit for themselves. The cook our dinner, keep the place tidy and look after their brother and have to walk the dog etc so maybe that helps then not be ungrateful for things I do for them.

This isn’t a boast. I just really love teens and wondered how many others genuinely enjoy this stage. I also don’t want mums of younger kids to only hear how awful teens are, I was worried about these years and I wish I hadn’t wasted time worrying.

If it helps the tween years were not fun here either 8-11 were horrendous and dd2 is same but dd1 is so much easier now

One of mine was very enjoyable. The other, a nightmare. Not violent or anything, just moody with issues, and made poor choices.

Luck of the draw. Both parented exactly the same.

On the whole I am preferring the teenage years to the toddler/young child years, partly cause I've got some freedom back. My DH works shifts and we haven't had any family support so the little years did feel a bit relentless cause of that . My 16 year old DS is very independent, organises himself, cooks for himself (although he does leave a mess) and he's very streetwise. He's funny and we have nice conversations, although he can be a bit of a know all which drives me mad. It was a different story when he was a pre-teen though, we did have a period of dodgy mental health and school refusal.* *

My other DS turns 14 tomorrow, tbh he has been quite difficult the last couple of years and at the moment he's not doing homework and bordering on getting in trouble at school, which is a worry. He's also quite moody and angry, can be very hard to deal with. I'm kind of hoping that he'll literally grow out of it like his brother did. I'm trying to keep my cool with him. At times I feel quite indignant cause my parents were so strict and I wouldn't have dared step out of line much, or if I did I covered my tracks carefully.

My teen is honestly amazing 🤩 and the teen years are my favourite years of her childhood. She’s my best buddy - so smart, funny, intuitive, talented in everything she does, incredibly hard-working, absolutely lovely and beautiful inside and out.

Hi I’m after some views and ideas as I’m banging my head against the brick wall, my 18yr old boy is so up and down, but mostly down, won’t talk to anyone and doesn’t want to work or do anything. I’ve no clue what to do for the best if anything at all?

My son is 13 and his teachers love him. He's funny, clever, polite and great at team work, they say.

They might as well be describing a complete stranger, because he leaves his school personality at the gates and becomes monosyllabic grunt boy with me. He's a bit better with DP because they have sport in common and lots to talk about.

I'd get more interactivity from a basketball. I just have to hang in there and hope one day to meet that chatty, friendly boy I've heard so much about.

I do. I love my two growing up. DD 17 is hilarious and I'm a bit in awe of her confidence & maturity. DS 13 isn't always as easy overall but he's really improving on all the trouble areas he was having - getting into low level trouble at school, not getting up on time etc.

Genuinely feel privileged to have them as my children ❤️

yep im envious too. my teen sounds just like yours and is 17. No light at the end of the tunnel yet. To top it all my almost 13 year old is starting the same pattern too. All joy in my house then for God knows how many more years.
I definitely preferred the little versions of them. they were both so easy as babies and toddlers.

Two teens (15 and 16) plus a 10 year-old in our house. My teens are the most incredible young men. I love spending time with them. They're bright, funny, kind, loving, and thoughtful. They're very different kids, but get along with one another and look out for their younger sibling.

Having worked with teenagers for many years, I have to say that it is a great age.

Loved mine. We had a blast!

It's been my favourite stage so far. Mind you there have been awful times and very low-lows. But overall I find them pretty magical.

I did, for the most part. With DS1 we had a bit of rudeness and one spectacular scare, with DS2 he had real problems socially and with self confidence due to disabilities. But in general they were funny and clever and kind and full of very nice surprises. I learned so much from them, about music and comedy and the subjects they were interested in. We had great adventures together, climbing mountains and travelling the world. They were great company in lockdown.

DD was a lovely teen. I don't recognise the descriptions I read of the horrible teenagers.

However, I didn't enjoy her teens as she was so unhappy and anxious and had zero self esteem as a result of the spiteful bullying she had to ensure at school. The school did nothing to address it, and DD does not have happy memories of school.

Fortunately, she has made better friends at university and through work.

Still fairly early-mid teens here (16 & 13) but I love having teenagers more than I ever thought I would. We can watch shows I enjoy together, they do their own personal care, they don't need constant supervision, and they're just such good company. I'm divorced and the three of us are really close - I think a huge part of the reason we are so close and they're not with their dad is that he moved in relatively fast with someone, and although I'm in a long term relationship, there's no moving in here.

So far, I've just been really lucky!

I really like my eldest (about to turn 15) he was actually a very challenging child and now is much more reasonable and trustworthy and organised. He’s learnt to taking a telling off, so rather than arguing endlessly about having left a mess somewhere (for example) he says fair point, cleans it up, tries to do better next time.

Agreed the issue is that a lot of parents still treat their 13 - 19 year olds as babies. No responsibilities nothing.
Best advice is around age 11 give them jobs to do around the house, earn their keep and some pocket money and too get a saturday Job and learn to manage their money and savings. As they get older to get more hours and start saving for things they need / want.

This is what my parents did. And I never wasted money and was sensible. I purchased my first ohone, first laptop, first car and driving lessons with my hard earned cash and paid my way through uni. And eventually paid for my own wedding.

I was a moody cow but never disobeyed my parents or did anything silly. Now we have a even better relationship.

Every age has its ups and downs OP and most people don’t go on Mumsnet or similar forums to discuss how great life is, because it can come across like a stealth boast. I’ve enjoyed every age my children have been so far because there’s always pros and cons and let’s face it, they’re my kids who I adore. Teenagers do have a bad reputation but it’s a very difficult age to navigate and hormones are all over the place.

I have 2 teens...a nigh on 15 yr old girl in year 10 and a just turned 13 year old boy. They're both utter delights to be honest.

The girl is the most efficient, grown up, fragrant little thing (who is as tall as me)...I don't know how we produced her to be honest. It is a little frustrating how little she seems to need us, and certainly won't tolerate a cuddle or whatever, but that's ok. She's also funny, hard working and a loyal friend.

DS is a little more obstreperous, especially with his younger brother (7), but generally lovely. He is funny, clever and interesting...always watching and learning something, another power hobby to add to his list 😂 He needs prompting to be organised, but is really working on it.

They've been the classic switch, as young kids DD was intense, non stop and totally single minded. Ds was easy going, laid back etc. Now as teens, she is still all of those things but in a far more workable way. DS is now harder work than she is.

I'm sure this will all change over the years, but so far we are very lucky. 🤞🤞🤞

My twin DS are 17 and their teen years have been great so far. They are bright, funny, affectionate and kind. Not the tidiest and one of them likes his PJs a little too much, but none of the 'Kevin & Perry' stuff I was dreading when they were little. I love their enthusiasm and their hunger to discuss issues. One of them is about to do his DofE Gold expedition and he's been taking me through his plans to support a classmate who struggles, to help him succeed and keep the group harmonious. A PP described 'fresh uncluttered minds' which resonates. And I agree with PP about the enjoyment of seeing their friendships. For me the pleasure of seeing the young men they are turning into is more exciting and rewarding than watching their first steps.

The baby and toddler years were far less rewarding IME.

Could not agree more. My teens are my favourite people. Lovely lovely kids - no swearing, tantrums, arguments etc. love this age.

I’ve loved every stage but teen years are my favourite. They are fab people to hang out with. My hardest part is dd1 is almost an adult and I miss her. I know it’s normal for her to be out but I have to plan time with her. I guess it’s a sign she’s growing as she should. Dreading the time we have an empty nest but youngest are 13 so we have some time.

Yeah, I was surprised how I started to miss doing family stuff together when our oldest really got to having their own social life!

I much preferred parenting in the teens to doing the baby slog. I found it much easier from seven onwards. I loved getting to know her as a person and watching her develop her interests. Not everything was fabulous and easy, there was some testing of boundaries, but not getting worked up over the small stuff helped us maintain a very good relationship. I was a single parent and it was me and her against the world, still is in some ways, we're very close.

I have 3 teens and find it a very hard slog with a glimmer of hope every now and then. I loved the baby and childhood years but my kids seemed to turn into different people when they hit their teens. I know it’s all part of their development and they will come out the other end but some days I just want to resign.

I don't enjoy it.

The mental load as someone already said ..of worrying and trying to manage their screen use..phone use...rudeness and trying to make them do family things

I find it incredibly stressful tbh and constantly lie awake at night worrying about them q