Does anyone actually enjoy the teen years and like their teenagers?

[MasterOfNobody]

I have been reading a few teen threads and they all sound so bleak with teens that think of nobody but themselves, swear, make bad choices, refuse to engage with parents etc.

it made me wonder whether I am exceedingly lucky (it would be luck, I am no great parent) or whether it’s just those who are actively enjoying the teen years don’t feel the need to post.

I have girls in years 13 and 11 and a boy in year 7 (so he’s not a teen). I love the teen years as their conversations get more relatable, the things they like to do as a family more similar to things I’d choose to do myself, they can help out more, they bring friends over who are run to talk to. I love spending time with them and am gutted to think my eldest will probably leave for uni this year.

they aren’t perfect, they can be inconsiderate and overly emotional and my Year 11 is best avoided for the day her period starts. I worry about them much more than I did when they were little and to be that’s the big challenge of having teens. Their problems are harder to fix and their mental health is so precious to me but sometimes precarious due to the pressures they put on themselves to do well at school and have good social lives and look good etc - it’s all so much for them to deal with. But on the whole they are a joy.

I should say I work outside the home 12 hours a day 4x a week and sometimes I wonder whether that is the key to enjoying them: I’m not here all the time and they have had to learn to do quite a bit for themselves. The cook our dinner, keep the place tidy and look after their brother and have to walk the dog etc so maybe that helps then not be ungrateful for things I do for them.

This isn’t a boast. I just really love teens and wondered how many others genuinely enjoy this stage. I also don’t want mums of younger kids to only hear how awful teens are, I was worried about these years and I wish I hadn’t wasted time worrying.

Yes my teens have been great. Very little aggro from either of them. It's been my favourite part of parenting. Not all teens massively push boundaries. It's not all been easy - DD was badly bullied in secondary and DS was diagnosed with ASD - but they are both very funny and kind people. I love spending time with them.

Best years of parenting for me by a country mile. Mine are now 17 & 20. They are bloody fabulous with their opinions and roasting and humour and sarcasm and curiosity and demands and mess and chaos and I love their friends and the excitement of their future and all of it.

It’s bloody brilliant!

Dreading the teen years, my tween already sucks.

We're very early on in the teen years - DD is 13 so no issues with alcohol, boys etc yet. She's generally really a good kid. Does well at school, has lots of friends, no bad behaviour (apart from a disgracefully messy room). However I do feel sad that she's pulling away from us now - despite the fact I know this is normal and an important part of her development. She's always either with friends or in her room. We irritate her and she doesn't engage much with us. I miss hanging out with her and all the things we used to do together. We still have nice moments together but generally she shuts us out. I look forward to holidays and days out because thars when she really talks to us most.

For me, so far, every year has been better than the previous. They're still teens, so it means the teen years are the best.

I'm not someone who massively enjoys having too much demand/dependency, so the increased independence and moving towards a more equal relationship is great. I also don't love doing small kid stuff, so enjoy the things we do together much more now.

And I'm with them all the time, I wfh and they are home ed, so I don't think the key is being away from them!

I've thoroughly enjoyed the teenage years, though I only have one left now - my youngest is 18. We've had no significant problems and I've also really liked most of my DC's friends through their teen years. I coach kids in a sport too and most of my teenage group are nice, polite intelligent young people whose company I enjoy. No doubt there are very difficult teens but not all of them are.

I have a year 12 DD and teach years 5-11.

I adore my DD. She is spirited, bright, funny, kind, fierce. She's a joy to be around.

I also predominantly like, respect and enjoy the teenagers I teach. They're wonderfully curious, bold, determined.

They're also angry, stubborn, recalcitrant and scared. It's a potent but rewarding mix. It's a pleasure to watch them grow.

Mine are 18 and 20 and the teen years have been fine. You start to see the fruits of your labour so to speak. So rewarding and beats the early years of drudge and dependency by a mile.

Teenagers are given such a hard time. They’re still developing impulse control, patience, dealing with changes in their bodies, hormonal mood swings, under huge social pressure, academic expectations, and people act surprised that teens then struggle to regulate their emotions and don’t behave exceptionally. Lots of adults behave shoddily but somehow expect more from children.

Mine are 11 and 15, and whilst it’s not perfect nor always smooth sailing, and we do clash at times, I’m still really enjoying them.

I’m loving watching them develop their passions and skills. I love hearing them share their opinions and experiences and debate big issues. We laugh together a lot.

Do I wish they were less grumpy sometimes, or that they would bother more to throw their rubbish away or put their glasses by the sink? Yes, and they are communicated with about that, but ultimately those things come with time and I’m not risking a healthy relationship with them by engaging in constant power struggles.

My eldest went through a bit of a rebellious phase last year and it was hard, but remaining approachable and compassionate throughout meant she felt safe to come and talk to me eventually, and now she’s come full circle and is doing so well.

Incredibly proud of them both, in all of their imperfect, sometimes stroppy glory.

Yes mine were pretty decent.

Both worked hard at school, had part time jobs and were generally respectful. Both needed regular reminders to tidy their rooms/clean up after themselves though.

Eldest could be stroppy at times but very entertaining company, younger one was quieter and more easy going.

Absolutely love them (dd 16) but then I've loved every stage. DD has always been super easy, kind, smart, hardworking, makes good choices, loves being with us both and hanging out. We love her company and love her friends. Teen years have been amazing. It makes me sad to read the posts where people are really struggling with their teens. I always assumed things were easier for us as we only have one and she was homeschooled from 10 so less bad influences.

Aw they're amazing! Mine teens are 14 + 15. They're the best!
Babies bore me, toddlers are tedious and I work in primary so 5-11s I get enough of at work.
My eldest is 30 though and that's fantastic! Doesn't live close so not in each others pockets but talk daily, she's the person I go to for advice on the teens when I need to.

I've loved the teenage years, through the other side with DS1 and halfway there with DS2 - something would have to go drastically wrong for it to be awful though.

Both pretty delightful lads, I do feel lucky though.

Depends on the teen!

My oldest was impossible from 13 to 18. I mean just so, so unhappy, aggressive, oppositional. I just didn't know how to deal with it, whatever I did, said, was wrong. She HATED me and told me all the time. We have a loving relationship now (she's 24) but I carry a lot of trauma from those years.

My sons (18 and 20) have their own problems. One has ASD and depression, the other has cancer and bipolar 1, but we're so so close, and I love love love spending time with them. They teach me so much.

The teen years were great. Lots of stress over exams etc but they were good company.

I like my teens! Bloody hard work though as a lone parent. Still love their company 90% of the time though.

My DD is a teen and I have weathered 2 teen DC (now adults) and they've all been great. I feel very fortunate.

I'm finding the teen years hard work, not really because of the nature of my children - they have their moments but are generally kind and polite and pleasant to be around. But the mental load is huge and I worry about them a lot, there's a lot going on in their lives which I feel i need to be on top of, and I'll be totally honest I struggle with the loss of control! They are also costing me a fortune and financially we are not doing very well so thats a constant source of stress.

I really like my children and enjoy their company most of the time. But I do miss them being small and under my control all the time 😂 I worried about them a lot less when they were toddlers!

14 year old DD.

I love her and enjoy her so much.

So far, we never fight, and there is no disobedience and virtually no rudeness, She is fairly conscientious and self disciplined about tasks and school. She continues to give me spontaneous 'I love you' hugs every day, and is pretty well self-realised, with interesting passions which she occasionally opens up about. She is self reflective enough to take and act on feedback.

The main challenge is she wants to be on her own 80% of the time, in her room, and doesn't talk to me much about what's going on with her. She seems happy enough and I check in on her regularly, but the actual active parenting/interaction I get to do is normally around 10 mins a day.

I do worry about her, trying to watch from a far for any alarm bells for her well-being. But broadly, I think she's a fabulous kid, and none of the hormonal horrificness I'd been made to expect has happened..... not yet anyway!!!

I’m at the beginning of the teen years. My DD has just started secondary school.

It’s definitely different but for me I’ve always approached parenting as looking after another person who will and might have different mannerisms, opinions, thoughts and personality to me and as a teen it feels like more of who she is comes out which is nice to see. However I also feel lucky as my DD is a wonderful person. We have great conversations. Yes there are sloppy moments and arguments but an older lady once told me to approach these years with humour as everything feels so intense.

It’s interesting about the control thing. My best friend feels the same - she loved the baby and toddler years (and primary to an extent) best as she had total control.

I hated the control so I much prefer parenting teens. I much prefer spontenaity and deal much better with it than routine.

Horses for courses.

Yes, but my kids as teens were/are very easy to parent, not troublesome at all.

They're funny and lovely company, as are their friends. They’ve never particularly got overly caught up in social media or any drama which I think is key.

I am so envious of those who genuinely are enjoying their teens who themselves are funny, kind and well behaved! Mine is rude, dismissive and lacks humour although she used to be a delight. I am just hoping that light at the end of the tunnel is real.

I agree @resipsa. All these posts are making me so sad as I recognise what I’m missing. I have 2 teens. The oldest is addicted to cannabis and is either stoned or angry and dd 14 is rude had disrespectful. I would love to know what everyone’s secret to happy teens

Oh please don't judge yourself. There is no secret. My first was vile to me and everyone for years. I mean she DESTROYED teachers, failed almost all her exams at school, trashed the house, crashed my car, was violent to me, bullied her siblings. It went on for so, so long and I was crushed. At 24 she looks back and can't understand why she behaved as she did, she just went madly off the rails. I try to look at it as a developmental stage. Just like some babies cry non-stop, and some toddlers are destructive, some teens are just... difficult. All three of mine were easy babies, and it was nothing I did. They just were. Same with teens.