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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

My teenage daughter wants to have a piercing

88 replies

MarieMM · 17/01/2024 20:09

For a few years I have refused my teenage daughter to have a piercing. Not because I have something particular against piercings, but because she wanted a piercing through her nle. And I just felt that this would be such a bad signal for her to send, since it would be bound to show through clothing, and I suspect that she wants this to be the case. But now that she turned 18, she claims that I can no longer prevent her from having that piercing done. I guess she is technically right, but I am also beginning to doubt myself. Am I overreacting? Am I seeing something seualized where there isn't any? I could really use some inputs!

OP posts:
MuthaHubbard · 21/01/2024 12:48

Her body/choice. And worst case scenario, she takes it out if she changes her mind. None issue

MMCQ · 27/02/2024 00:23

logically it’s her right at 18, but how are we as Mums to overcome our natural distaste or disagreement in something our later teens choose that we hoped they would understand and accept there are reasons we have reservations for a course of action. We have decades more experience of how the world works and It’s really hard to see all your guidance and advice rejected without a backwards glance. Especially when they choose a path that is affecting for their whole adult life. Teenagers often simply can’t see what is not right in front of them but is an irreversible impact and consequence they could feel much much later. How are parents supposed to stand by and watch something happen you don’t feel supportive of? It’s really bloody hard.

MMCQ · 27/02/2024 00:40

The other thing I find interesting here is those that say that at 18 they are adults and can do as they like. Which of course is true. Except for one thing. As parents, we give our kids skills and ability (hopefully) to be independent of us, independent thinkers and able to stand on their own two feet and make a life for themselves. But what if they do decide to make choices that are against our advice - the faceful of tattoos and weird volumes of very visible badass piercings for example or indeed something much more harmful or impacting - that actually makes it’s harder to make their way in the world and stand on their own two feet because, let’s face it, the world judges and the world is tough!
Then, the problem becomes ours again. They fall back on us, our resources, time, living at home, not able to work etc etc. And that’s my problem with the advice that they are adults. Are they? We are not then so irrelevant that our guidance, resources, skills, love, time and patience are all needed at a time when we should be taking back our lives and looking forward to empty nests and retirement. Is it me?

pinkyredrose · 27/02/2024 12:11

MMCQ · 27/02/2024 00:23

logically it’s her right at 18, but how are we as Mums to overcome our natural distaste or disagreement in something our later teens choose that we hoped they would understand and accept there are reasons we have reservations for a course of action. We have decades more experience of how the world works and It’s really hard to see all your guidance and advice rejected without a backwards glance. Especially when they choose a path that is affecting for their whole adult life. Teenagers often simply can’t see what is not right in front of them but is an irreversible impact and consequence they could feel much much later. How are parents supposed to stand by and watch something happen you don’t feel supportive of? It’s really bloody hard.

Wtf are you waffling on about?

Moier · 27/02/2024 12:33

You're already showing how prudish you are by not typing Nipple or sex and using Asterisks.
Leave her be.. she might realise she doesn't like it and take it out.. she might love it.
She's an adult.

Sleepingbunny1 · 28/02/2024 11:08

Its really not that bad! I have both mine done as you can not see them when you are clothed, honestly dont stress about it

Diamondcurtains · 01/03/2024 20:02

I’d feel exactly the same. Mumsnet however is full of “she’s an adult, she’s 18, she can do what she wants blah blah blah”. But it doesn’t mean as parents we just stop caring or giving advice.

Diamondcurtains · 01/03/2024 20:07

MMCQ · 27/02/2024 00:40

The other thing I find interesting here is those that say that at 18 they are adults and can do as they like. Which of course is true. Except for one thing. As parents, we give our kids skills and ability (hopefully) to be independent of us, independent thinkers and able to stand on their own two feet and make a life for themselves. But what if they do decide to make choices that are against our advice - the faceful of tattoos and weird volumes of very visible badass piercings for example or indeed something much more harmful or impacting - that actually makes it’s harder to make their way in the world and stand on their own two feet because, let’s face it, the world judges and the world is tough!
Then, the problem becomes ours again. They fall back on us, our resources, time, living at home, not able to work etc etc. And that’s my problem with the advice that they are adults. Are they? We are not then so irrelevant that our guidance, resources, skills, love, time and patience are all needed at a time when we should be taking back our lives and looking forward to empty nests and retirement. Is it me?

Edited

Agree! My nearly 18 year old would still ask before doing anything. Sometimes they don’t think . My daughter phoned me a couple of weeks back to ask if she could get her nose pierced. I reminded her that she’ll shortly be starting interviews as cabin crew and had she checked the policy on piercings etc. she was like oh I hadn’t thought of that ! We don’t have many rules and she knows when she turns 18 next month it doesn’t mean everything changes and she can suddenly do what she wants when she wants.

K0OLA1D · 01/03/2024 20:09

MMCQ · 27/02/2024 00:40

The other thing I find interesting here is those that say that at 18 they are adults and can do as they like. Which of course is true. Except for one thing. As parents, we give our kids skills and ability (hopefully) to be independent of us, independent thinkers and able to stand on their own two feet and make a life for themselves. But what if they do decide to make choices that are against our advice - the faceful of tattoos and weird volumes of very visible badass piercings for example or indeed something much more harmful or impacting - that actually makes it’s harder to make their way in the world and stand on their own two feet because, let’s face it, the world judges and the world is tough!
Then, the problem becomes ours again. They fall back on us, our resources, time, living at home, not able to work etc etc. And that’s my problem with the advice that they are adults. Are they? We are not then so irrelevant that our guidance, resources, skills, love, time and patience are all needed at a time when we should be taking back our lives and looking forward to empty nests and retirement. Is it me?

Edited

She's having a nipple piercing not a swastika tattoo on for forehead fgs

katseyes7 · 01/03/2024 21:06

It's a piercing. A tiny little piercing.
My ex has a nipple piercing, he's in his fifties and he's had it for twenty odd years. Yes, you can see it if he wears a tight t- shirt, but it's never been a problem.
I can't imagine you'd ever see any sign of it if he wore a bra, which fortunately he's never shown any inclination to do.
Personally l'd be more bothered if she wanted her nipple tattooed.
Not that it'd be any of my business, but a piercing can be taken out and the hole/s are hardly visible unless you know about it/look really closely.
I got my navel pierced when l was forty and it's still in there, twenty five years later. I've only ever taken it out for xrays and MRI/CT scans.
I very much doubt anyone's going to judge her unless she wanders around topless, in which case l don't think the piercing would be the issue.
Sometimes you just have to choose your battles. Things like this are why l stopped telling my mother things, fifty years ago.

Dotty2dot · 01/03/2024 21:08

Her what? Nipple? FFS. Are you such a twat you can't even write nipple?

Marblessolveeverything · 02/03/2024 09:44

If people think less that is on them. It is her body, her life stop telling her otherwise - I would go absolute to extreme if my mother had have been at that craic when I was 18.

Step back, apologise and start to acknowledge her as an adult. Because your relationship is not healthy if you don't accept her autonomy.

This is why I strongly believe parents need to step back in stages from about 15, then they learn to make small mistakes, while parents are still in a position to step in and help. We need to raise independent and self confident adults.

alfagirl73 · 02/03/2024 12:46

Honestly, some of the comments on here... paramedics ripped out a nipple piercing for a defibrillator?! ROFLMAO!

Even if it were true...if I was at the point of needing a defibrillator - I'd say my nipple piercing would be the least of my worries!

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