Sons Girlfriend Staying Over / Hysteria Over Nonexistent Rats

[jimjam2313w]

Our 20 year old son's girlfriend stays over a lot. Recently my wife and I went on holiday. We had to break our holiday halfway because son and his girlfriend said we had a "rat infestation". We live in countryside and rodents are common. I've put down bait since 2008. Periodically mice / rats take the bait, disappear, and die. The situation now is no different. However, son and girlfriend became hysterical claiming they could hear "rats tearing apart the house". I asked my son to take apart a panel where he said they were "gnawing away at the wood" and place a new bait station. He would not do it and instead continued to call us hysterically begging for help. Eventually we drove home and I dismantled the panel to find NO EVIDENCE of rodent infestation. I placed bait, poison and a wifi cctv camera. We came back to our holiday home. Since then CCTV has picked up nothing.

Son seemed to agree that he had behaved hysterically. Girlfriend remains sure that she is hearung things and that house is under attack, etc etc.

We are going away again in March and I think it would be best to just tell son not to have his girlfriend over at all during this time. Additionally, I would like to reclaim a little serenity by asking son to have his girlfriend stay away one or two nights a week.

I dont want to cramp my sons style and push his girlfriend away, but I am a full time carer and self employed. I need my holiday time. This one was ruined by unnecessary hysteria.

Ideally I would like girlfriend to stay away Friday and Sunday, as these are days when my wife and me would like to have some privacy.

Thoughts?

Regardless of the rats, you have every right to request that some nights of the week, your son's girlfriend stays at her own home.

Does your son ever stay there?

Yes but they are here two thirds of the time.

It's your home.

Tell them to stay somewhere else if you dont want them there.

Tell them there are to be no interruptions to your breaks except genuine emergencies - fire, burglary, police involvement, etc.

Print up a file of emergency numbers including pest control and tell them to use them. But that costs for call outs will be covered by them.

Tell them if she's too scared to be in YOUR home then they need to go to HERS.

Then tell them to grow up.

Good grief just get him told. Son, your GF can stay here three nights a week, no more and not Friday or Sunday.

I will not have my holiday disrupted again so Hysteria needs to stay at her own home when we’re away.

I once had to dump a bloke as he didn't like my pet rats.
But, yes, they should be spending more time at her place.

If I thought there were rats in a house I was staying in I’d be “hysterical” too, it’s not normal. I certainly wouldn’t want to pull up a panel where the rat could be (along with previous dead rats) and put down bait. You need to pay for exterminator visits if this issue is ongoing since 2008 OP.

However totally not unreasonable to request days where his GF doesn’t stay over during the week.

I think it’s unfair to go away and ban her though, your son also thought the rats were an issue too. I’d also not want to be in a house with a rat problem by myself at 20. Sort the rats out and you’ll have no “hysteria.”

Also try find a better word as hysteria and hysterical - they have pretty offensive connotations especially when directed about a woman.

I stayed at my DM’s house very recently and heard things scuttling about in loft, it was a bit disturbing if you are not used to it but no need for the hysteria.

those plug in deterrents are apparently great, no need for poisoning. Robert Dyas she says they are from.

I would not have come home from holiday for this and would be very clear (with a side order of chilly fury) that your son needs to grow up, and you never want to be bothered on holiday by him again, unless someone is dying. He is far too old for this shit.

And less limits on the neurotic g friend’s time in your house.

Presuming there are no other factors to consider I would expect a pair of adults to have managed this situation. Rats are common everywhere. What was stopping your son from approaching professionals if he did t want to deal with the situation. He didn’t want to pay? He is twenty - if he lives with you then he has responsibilities too.

This.

The OP doesn’t need to do anything - it’s their house. Periodic infestations are normal in some areas. I’m sure that the OP has called exterminators in the past and now knows how to deal with it.

The son is 20 and can deal with the issue himself, given he’s grown up with it, if he wants the privilege of living there. He and his g/friend could also have called pest control.

Hysteria is a pretty appropriate description in this case.

If I’d raised a 20 year old incapable of dealing with this without calling mummy and daddy back from holiday, I’d know I’d over not under babied them. The last thing the OP needs to do is anymore fussing around them.

Women use hormonal, anxiety, hysterical and other labels themselves on here all time

In this case hysterical fits for both of them

It’s quite strange that a 20 year old man who was raised in a rural area would be so hysterical about a possible rodent that he’d have to ring mummy and daddy to come home.

Honestly OP, sounds like life at home is very cosy for him. I’d be looking at ways to have him move out and gain a bit of independence.

Why don’t they just go back to her house instead of being hysterical?

Don’t cut any more holidays short; they can sort themselves out, they are adults.

OP is potentially a man. They mention their wife. Could be a woman of course, but if a man is calling a woman hysterical they need to understand the offensive connotations.

So many women were wrongfully sectioned/given hysterectomy’s due to this phrase. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria

I thought this too. Surely he’s grown up knowing how to deal with rats?

Things do sound worse at night but no idea why he didn’t just spend the next few nights at the girlfriends until you come back.

This. If he has the gf staying over it is on the strict understanding that short of a house fire or flood they are not contacting you. Certainly not about rats.

If you live in the countryside - as OP's son does - and normal family procedure is how OP describes then the gf needs to put up with it or push off. So needs to get a grip (as it seems he has)

Agree with pp that you can make the rules - I'd be saying no gf while you're not there, and echo the list og numbers and that if they call someone, they pay.

I'd be telling the drama llama to stay at her own house

I am assuming this is humor. If so, then fantastic. If not, I am in no way suggesting that my son or his girlfriend have their genitals mutilated IN ANY WAY and that the hysteria I refer to was displayed more by my son than the girlfriend.

It’s a commonly used term. Many people are aware of its history although its meaning has evolved over time as language does.

It now means -

unable to control your feelings or behaviour because you are extremelyfrightened, angry, excited, etc.

The OP uses it about both their son and the GF ie not sex specific.

It’s a perfectly appropriate description of two young adults who call one of their parents home from holiday because they can’t figure out what to do about a possible rat problem.

@Nttttt did you read the bit where OP said there weren’t actually any rats in the house? Have you ever lived rurally? There are rats everywhere, you just have to put poison down intermittently so they don’t come into your house, but you can’t stop them being in the nearby fields.

Does ds pay board? That amount of staying over she should also. We had issues with ds's df (both 20)staying over.. Even if he was working she would hang around.. She once locked his bedroom door and took the key home! Refused to hand it to me.
The absolute last straw was when she came into the kitchen (ds at work) she made a coffee.. Walked past dh doing the washing up... Then popped her empty cup into the bubbles!!

Why on earth didn't they just go back to her house? I would be furious at losing my holiday especially if I was a carer. Of course she should not stay so many nights. It prevents you and your wife spending any time together. I would say that when you are away she cannot stay. That will probably mean that your son will stay at her house.

Rats are the ultimate survivors. They need controlled, and nobody wants them in the house, so I do understand the distress when it happens.

But panicking and hauling an exhausted parent back from a holiday when pest control are a mere telephone call away is ridiculous. Selfish, thoughtless and childish.