Sons Girlfriend Staying Over / Hysteria Over Nonexistent Rats

[jimjam2313w]

Our 20 year old son's girlfriend stays over a lot. Recently my wife and I went on holiday. We had to break our holiday halfway because son and his girlfriend said we had a "rat infestation". We live in countryside and rodents are common. I've put down bait since 2008. Periodically mice / rats take the bait, disappear, and die. The situation now is no different. However, son and girlfriend became hysterical claiming they could hear "rats tearing apart the house". I asked my son to take apart a panel where he said they were "gnawing away at the wood" and place a new bait station. He would not do it and instead continued to call us hysterically begging for help. Eventually we drove home and I dismantled the panel to find NO EVIDENCE of rodent infestation. I placed bait, poison and a wifi cctv camera. We came back to our holiday home. Since then CCTV has picked up nothing.

Son seemed to agree that he had behaved hysterically. Girlfriend remains sure that she is hearung things and that house is under attack, etc etc.

We are going away again in March and I think it would be best to just tell son not to have his girlfriend over at all during this time. Additionally, I would like to reclaim a little serenity by asking son to have his girlfriend stay away one or two nights a week.

I dont want to cramp my sons style and push his girlfriend away, but I am a full time carer and self employed. I need my holiday time. This one was ruined by unnecessary hysteria.

Ideally I would like girlfriend to stay away Friday and Sunday, as these are days when my wife and me would like to have some privacy.

Thoughts?

Your son sounds very immature - sorry. But - why did you go home? I’d have given instructions over the phone. It sounds like they’re both quite immature and were scaring each other and bigging up the presence of house-eating rats. Pathetic really. And why didn’t they just go to her house to sleep?

You need strong words with your son and a limit on the nights his GF can stay over. Make it clear that that’s because you need to be able to rest and relax in your own house and nothing personal against her.

He is stagnant and perhaps too cozy.

You have hindered and stunted his growth. .. "babied" him to the point where he doesn't know how, or feel as though he can't take charge of a situation and real life problem on his own. He called his parents at 20 to "rescue" him.

This isn't good. It may be best to do things to prepare him to be independent and moving away asap. .

..before you two wind up with a 45 year old still living at home, bringing girlfriend's over, still expecting his parents to rescue him.

Personally, in my opinion...allowing boyfriends and girlfriend's to stay over regardless of age, is given too many liberties and stunt children.

Not allowing this should give children the push and motivation to become independent...it should become a goal to work towards getting a place of their own to have and set their own rules.

I would have read the fucking Riot Act to the pair of them over the phone - what a childish pair of muppets!

Time for a sit-down chat with your son (without the girlfriend being present), which should go along the lines of:

'Son, this is our home and we feel we have no privacy, because your girlfriend is here so often. That has to change. From now on, she can be here X days at most in any one week. And when we are on holiday, the pair of you will have to be at her parents' home, not ours. I am NOT prepared to have another holiday ruined by a repeat of the shenanigans you put us through last time. No ifs, no buts. That's how it's going to be.'

And mean it when you say it.

Tell them both to cop on and tell your son that although she may be the love of his life, as far as his parents are concerned she's a house guest, one who's outstaying her welcome.

I FUCKIN HATE THEM.even imaginary ones.
ACTUAL terror feels zakt same as HYSTERIA.
clearly those longtail bastards do not fear you the same.
i would run face on into a tunnel Full of them if my son was display "hysteria".even in march
ffs

Calm down blimey are you the gf ?
In the countryside rats mice etc are a given you move there you accept it if you don't like it don't stay there it's really that simple .
The son has clearly lived there without any hysteria regarding rats which have been an ongoing issue so one can conclude the issue was actually the gf here.
I actually have pet rats they are insanely intelligent and fascinating animals

There weren't any rats and if there were getting hysterical would not be a useful way to behave.

YANBU at all. If the two of them still want caring for like children, unfortunately they need to be treated as such. Not to punish them, just as a practicality. They literally begged to be looked after like children. So in the same way you wouldn't leave two 14 year olds home alone, you can't leave them either.

I would say your son (and his gf) were very, VERY unreasonable to do what they did. Surely they could have called an exterminator themselves if they were that bothered? My dad works long hours self employed too, and I wouldn't have dreamed of disturbing him unnecessarily when they went away.

Re gf staying over, if it's your house you can have whoever you like there. It also sounds very reasonable to have nights where she doesn't stay. I hope your boy pays board too at 20? Again, if they want the benefits of being adults, and to live together, they should move out.

You sound like a very lovely and caring father btw op, so don't want to be too critical! But sounds like they are mugging you off a little bit.

I'm sorry but rats are not 'a given', wherever the fuck you live. They spread nasty diseases and do a lot of damage.

Having saw the damage even mice caused to an old uni house I lived in (and everything inside it), there's no way I'd ever be casual or tolerant about any tailed pests in my home.

Having said that, I do think the son sounds lacking in empathy towards OP's job and space. He shouldn't have disrupted your holiday like that.

Entirely reasonable. We had a similar issue with my daughter's boyfriend seemingly moving in. We insisted on no noise, or cooking after ten and he couldn't stay when he had to get up for work at the weekend and we didn't. I think they forget they're living low rent/rent free.

What? 🥴

Tell your son to get an Airbnb if the rats interrupt his love making.

I've had a rat in the shed once and rats in my classroom at school twice. Getting hysterical wasn't an option in either case. If you live anywhere at all rural this kind of thing happens.

Also THERE WERE NO RATS. It's in the thread title.

Sounds like your son and his gf were having a bad trip.

The best thing to do for pests, apart from what you're already doing, is to keep the food battened down. Rats are intelligent creatures who only spend their time whrè it's worth it.

Edited for sausage fingers

I think your son and his GF are very unreasonable and should appreciate how easy going you are. I’m 36 and, when I was in my 20s, my boyfriend had to sleep in a separate bedroom when he came to stay for Christmas and Easter. However, my parents were quite strict about that kind of thing and my mum has a short temper. Anyway, you should not have had to leave your holiday. That was very selfish of them to expect that. Perhaps show him how to set the bait and what to look out for so that he can do it himself when you’re on holiday.

Also, it’s your home and you can set boundaries and rules as to when she can stay over. Your son and girlfriend are free to rent their own flat. If they live under your roof then it’s your rules. You are very thoughtful and considerate about their feelings. Your son is lucky to have you as a parent.

What a pair of drips!

It's your house, your rules.

You have gone above and beyond and the two snowflakes need to get a bloody grip or not stay there.

I bet they won't fork out for an air bnb though!

Hysterical is fine as a word personally. The modern meaning is well understood. Yes it has a history but that’s how language works, it makes it more interesting.

Tell them in March you are having the infestation managed and they can’t stay there as there will be poison down everywhere.

Say you booked the pest control whilst you are away so that you don’t have to step over dead rats every day and can come home and sweep all the dead rats away in one go.

He can stay at hers and you can enjoy your holiday. The rats can enjoy the peace and quiet in your home!

You’re missing the point: the rats causing the hysteria were not there. The description hysteria was not sexist, op was applying it to both their son and gf, because the problem they were describing did not exist. The op lives rurally, they can manage naturally occurring rodents through domestic poison.

We returned home. Sons partner has not shown herself since this incident, though we have invited her on an outing. We have given our son new rules: No guests on Friday or Sunday night. He is allowed a guest to stay over in March provided there is no repeat of this fiasco. If there is more chaos, no guests at all without invitation. We are helping him to grow and become more independent. We love him, but new boundaries are in place and more are coming.