Sons Girlfriend Staying Over / Hysteria Over Nonexistent Rats

[jimjam2313w]

Our 20 year old son's girlfriend stays over a lot. Recently my wife and I went on holiday. We had to break our holiday halfway because son and his girlfriend said we had a "rat infestation". We live in countryside and rodents are common. I've put down bait since 2008. Periodically mice / rats take the bait, disappear, and die. The situation now is no different. However, son and girlfriend became hysterical claiming they could hear "rats tearing apart the house". I asked my son to take apart a panel where he said they were "gnawing away at the wood" and place a new bait station. He would not do it and instead continued to call us hysterically begging for help. Eventually we drove home and I dismantled the panel to find NO EVIDENCE of rodent infestation. I placed bait, poison and a wifi cctv camera. We came back to our holiday home. Since then CCTV has picked up nothing.

Son seemed to agree that he had behaved hysterically. Girlfriend remains sure that she is hearung things and that house is under attack, etc etc.

We are going away again in March and I think it would be best to just tell son not to have his girlfriend over at all during this time. Additionally, I would like to reclaim a little serenity by asking son to have his girlfriend stay away one or two nights a week.

I dont want to cramp my sons style and push his girlfriend away, but I am a full time carer and self employed. I need my holiday time. This one was ruined by unnecessary hysteria.

Ideally I would like girlfriend to stay away Friday and Sunday, as these are days when my wife and me would like to have some privacy.

Thoughts?

Had they been smoking the devil's lettuce? Seems a massive over -reaction.
Hopefully the girlfriend will be put off staying over so often and you can enjoy your next holiday drama- free.

We have two of them they seem to be good we bought ours a few weeks back after hearing something.

If this happened again I'd suggest that they go elsewhere. The girlfriend shouldn't be staying over without your permission, it's your house and your rules.

Don’t be so ridiculous

These are 2 separate issues so best dealing with then separately. If you start discussing the rat issue, and use that to say you’d like her staying less, I don’t think that’s fair. Given that your son was more upset about the rats.

Just because he grew up aware of rats around doesn’t mean he can’t be afraid of them. Has he ever had to deal with them himself before? Poor lad was clearly scared, then you told him to remove a panel to look for them rather than call pest control.

Totally valid to miss having your own space. But he is your son and that is his home. Are they really in your way when she is there? Sorry but you have children and you have to expect they’ll still live with you at aged 20 I’m afraid.

This. It’s not surprising so many people on here have in-law issues if this thread is a sample of the way people treat their children’s significant others!

I hate rats and have somewhat of a phobia so can relate to a little bit of hysteria about them. However, why is it only the girlfriend's fault, I would be asking your son to find some independence at 20! I know what my mother would have said in similar circumstances and it certainly wouldn't have been to come home from a holiday.

We're they taking drugs to hallucinate a rat infestation? I'd be really annoyed at having had a holiday cut short for something so bizarre.

I'd set a limit of 2 nights a week staying over. If they want to effectively live together by always staying at each other's homes then they need to get their own place.

I'd also be telling them not to contact you while you're on holiday unless it is an absolute, genuine emergency.

@Lindy2 the holiday didn’t have to be ended, the OP (who hasn’t bothered to reply to his thread) chose to indulge his adult son in this nonsense and then whined about it.

Two separate issues.

Holiday/rats - tell him he is not
to phone you in such a manner again and he should only interrupt your holiday if it is an actual emergency. Hearing phantom rats is not an emergency and they could’ve just gone to the girlfriends house if they couldn’t cope.

Girlfriend at yours - discuss and agree some limits - if it’s two-thirds at yours, ask him to make it fifty-fifty with weekends on rotation. Be nice, as she might end up being your DIL and you don’t want a tense relationship.

Its a bit weird she is staying over so much if she's THAT worried about rats- like, stay somewhere else if it bothers you so much!

I wouldnt have this, it's ridiculous. You are taking precautions for rodents and if she doesnt like it then she can not stay over- simple as that.

Our house backs onto the downs and has woods right behind it and fields, so yes, sometimes mice do try to come in, especially when it's cold. We do everything we can- keeping clean and tidy, blocking up holes and putting poison down but I wouldnt be having someone being hysterical over it and ruining my holiday. No bloody way.

OP lives rurally, as does @teddycoat, as do I. My last house (1920's) had to be defended against the little buggers, and I moved into my shiny new one (2000's) to be faced with the same issue, rats in the loft (got in under some stupidly positioned decking put there by the previous owners). You just deal with it.

As someone dealing with mice at the moment I can’t believe that people are acting like it’s normal to have rats!!!! We live in the country and I have never seen a rat and yes would freak out if there was one!! Btw people looking to get rid of mice the live traps with peanut butter inside to attract them does the job

We tried them for mice. They worked for a bit, but the mice came back.

If OP lives in the country or near a river, getting an exterminator in won't help. It's highly unlikely to be the same family of rats.

As someone dealing with mice at the moment I can’t believe that people are acting like it’s normal to have rats!!!!

Oh, it's definitely not normal or desired obviously. But the point is- some houses depending on their location are more susceptible to it. We have horse stables down our road and they were overrun with rats at one point. We put poison down as a precaution and I have never seen any rats in or around our house (although we do constantly battle with mice). However, the best thing is to deal with it sensibly and calmly. Getting hysterical over it is helping noone is it?

Yes. This.

I think hysterical is exactly the right word for both of them. They should stay at her house if they don't like yours.

Mice make a huge amount of noise. As do squirrels in attics . I am also rural and so far no rats in the actual house although we get them in an outhouse and we found a (decades old ) mummified rat when redoing the kitchen.. we get bank voles in fairly often, and very occasionally mice. Rats galore in the gardens round here . Surely your son is used to the noises that creatures can make ? My even more rural MIL gets mice very regularly. Everyone I know who lives rurally has mice or squirrels or bats !
I would have refused to come home, at 20 he is old enough to deal with the odd rodent .

"Hysteria" is fed by the availability of a competent person to deal with the issue. Remove that person, and you need to deal with it yourself. At 22 I lived alone in a room in a large old house where I often found those huge dark house spiders with long legs. I was terrified of them. Once there were two at the same time. I dealt with them myself because I had to - it wasn't easy, which is why I remember it - but I couldn't allow myself to become hysterical, as if they moved, then I wouldn't necessarily be able to find them again......which is worse, believe me!

My 20-something dd is prone to hysteria over the slightest thing, including 'massive' spiders I can barely see or one of our cats having been sick "all over" her duvet (tiny amount). She CAN deal with these if we refuse to or are out.

OP you should NOT have interrupted your holiday. He would have worked something out, and maybe felt a bit more like a competent adult as a result.

You can also set boundaries re the gf staying over, though banning her EVERY Friday and Sunday seems unfair, presuming they value weekends as well as you.

Sounds like there on drugs! If an adult can't sort something himself and has to get his parents back off holiday there's something wrong

You have clearly never lived in the countryside if you think that rats and mice can be eradicated totally from a property. It IS totally normal. And the hysterical label was not directed at the girlfriend. It was directed at both of them. I would be ashamed of my son not being able to remove a panel having lived in the countryside all his life. And for there to be no sign of any rats or mice made their claims to be ridiculous.

It's your house. You can tell your son how often his girlfriend can stay. If he doesn't like it he can lump it.

You're possibly a person that doesn't understand nature or country life then. Rats and mice are a fact of life. You might see or hear them less in a city but in the country they just exist and you keep their numbers down and keep them from entering the house , that's it. You don't call an extermination company everytime you see one or have hysteria about it.

Rats become immune to off the shelf products. Kill Traps are better and more humane but not unless you're at the property to dispose of the bodies.
Yes you're right they're being a pair of idiots. Don't invite her again.

Of course rats are normal. But they don't live in houses like mice do so you might never notice them.