WWYD- DD wants to stay at her Boyfriends

[ton181]

DD has been with her BF for 5 months and asked me (male) if she could stay overnight at his house (DD16 and BF 17, were same school year). Im male and my partner is female. My partner is all for it, however Im not, Id rather she wait until their relationship has a little longevity. Ive told her once she turns 17 she can stay over. They both tell me this isnt the olden days you know. Im no prude and know they are already intimate; am I wrong to try and protect her?

His parents have already agreed she can stay at their house, and he seems a nice well mannered young man.

Your thoughts? WWYD

👆🏻this!

Nope. No way.

Providing it’s not a regular, several times a week thing which becomes very serious very quickly and possibly difficult to extricate herself from if needed then why not? They’ve left school, they’re learning independence and they can do it anywhere.

This is the last thing left that women have to hold on to.
In this modern world WOMEN , are now expected to do absolutely everything.
This is everything which is wrong with this society .
She so young.
To have a PARENT advocating this giving away of herself ,( prepare ,and have enough money put aside for MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELLING for her)
So in your book ( she's not allowed to say " NO")
How do you know she's not hoping you'll say NO.
Maybe she's being co-erced.
This is so wrong for one so flippin young

I was seventeen when I met my now husband. Went to university got a job, got married had a baby. We’ve been together 16 years.

I started staying over when I was 17, if my parents would have said no, I’d have probably left home. I didn’t leave home until I was 27!

Your daughter isn’t in school anymore, telling her what to do will cause a rift in your relationship.

@Vonesk The last thing left that women have to hold onto?

Not getting a proper night's sleep? A too-long, to-intense period of time together when they've only been dating 5 months?

For me it's not about stopping them having sex - they'll do that anyway. It's the intensity of the overnight.

I wouldn't agree, and I would worry about the seriousness aspect, but also I don't want to have breakfast on Saturday morning with someone else's teenager walking around in his boxers. I'm entitled to relax at home too.

Let her stay, they've both left school.

Weird assumption that houseguests walk around in their underwear on a Saturday morning. Can’t say I’ve ever done that as a teenager or an adult and I’ve never encountered a guest of any kind that does.

When my teens started having a long term BF to stay they were always in Pjs bottoms and a T-shirt when in communal areas of the house. Because that’s a normal thing to do.

Personally.
yes, on a weekend/holidays only. They will already be having sex.
and make sure she’s using contraceptive.
The thing is when she can drive she will probably want to go weekdays too, I did that and I even worked half an hour away from where he lived. It did me no harm except maybe help teach me what a proper relationship was

@Haretodayswantomorrow well that's what my teen does! I've read plenty of threads on here when people find a boyfriend/girlfriend has more or less moved in and it's caused problems. With an adult child staying at home you have these issues to deal with; I just wouldn't be willing to start dealing with it from 16.

If you already know they are having sex then why not allow her to stay over? Would you not rather known she was somewhere safe and comfortable?

My parents allowed it back in the eighties. They thought that it was better than in the back of a car in the woods. I think you are being a bit controlling.

She's 16 age of constent and has left school. We all want to protect keep our kids safe forever but there comes a time we have to give them independence and let them grow that time is now.

What's the issue then?

I'd ask her gently if he is persuading her to do things she knows she shouldn't, or doesn't want to do. Just let her know that it is okay to say no.

My mum let my boyfriend stay over at that age, he had to sleep in the living room.

His dad let us sleep in the same bed.

Mum let me have boyfriends to sleep over in my room from 18.

All of those were fair and fine, it's entirely up to you what you will accept.

You've had the sex and contraception talk they are already having sex What's your problem with it?

I desperately wanted to stay with my now husband when we were 17. My mum 'couldn't see the point'. 🙄 My dad and his parents couldn't have cared either way.

I was madly in love and wanted to spend the night with him, rather than just have sex and have to leave. I wanted it to feel more loving and committed, rather than 'just sex'. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms and wake up to him. I wanted to stay where I was comfy! Not get up to go to bed!

I understand you want to protect your daughter, but she's already having sex, which could result in life-changing consequences. Staying the night is not likely to do much harm in a loving and respectful relationship.

As it seems there is openness in your relationship and she is being honest about where their relationship is I'd probably allow it, but would be putting boundaries around the frequency ie twice per month or something.

I think 16/17 is still very young to be in a serious relationship and sleepovers do seem to make it more serious.

WOW this. Talk about wrapping in cotton wool. 🙈

From another point of view-
I wasn't allowed sleepovers at that age and if I had a boyfriend over the door would have to stay wide open and my parents did random spot checks. Because of this I became sneaky and was doing stuff I shouldn't be in unsafe places and putting myself at risk.
My parents said it was because I was a girl and they were terrified of me getting pregnant, when actually I was more at risk by sneaking around and being in dodgy places.
Both my younger brothers have always been allowed their girlfriends over and vice versa.
So basically, I'd allow the sleepovers to keep her safe. Some good points on here already with discussing consent etc

I don't have teenagers. Perhaps my view will change in 15 years.

As a mother I’d probably be hesitant, but as a previous 16 year old girl, I’d say do it. You know she’s already sexually active, have had the talk with her about safe sex and the BFs parents have agreed and will probably be there.

I was 16 when I got my first serious boyfriend and our relationship only
lasted 8 months and I was sleeping over after a much shorter time before that. I didn’t get too committed just because I’d slept the night at his house, and it stopped is having sex in fields or parks or wherever. There was usually a parent there in the house at time. That bit of independence did me wonders.

Also to clarify, this was my first year in college so year 12.