Son punched a hole in his headboard this morning

[cindylouho1]

So. My delightful 16 year old punched a hole in his headboard this morning.
My little girl ran into his room and woke him up shouting get up it's Christmas Eve! My son started shouting give me a minute.
I went into his room half hour later to see if he was getting up so he could open his Xmas Eve box and I seen the hole in his headboard. I asked him what happened and he told me he punched it because he was tired and angry.
This is the first time he's done anything like this.
He apologised and seemed genuinely apologetic.
I explained to him that's not on and he might need to speak to someone about his anger issues.
I've got £500 Christmas money put away for him tomorrow. Should I take money of it for a new bed so he knows he cant get away with destroying things I've worked hard for.
I don't want to have to do that but I can't let him think this is acceptable

Any advise?

I'd tell him he can live with it like that or replace it himself. I'd be putting a door lock into that Christmas eve box too.

Hmm, there’s a lot going on here.
way too early for him to be woken up unceremoniously. I spent an hour this morning trying to keep younger dd away from older teen ds who NEEDS his sleep.

I’ve also had similar outbursts from ds when he felt his privacy invaded (too quick between knocking and entering) and he’s been really embarrassed and angry.

when ds has broken stuff in his room we have pointedly not repaired it. As and when he’d like it repaired (scuff on wall, slightly damaged door handle to en suite) he’ll be helping fix or contributing to paying.

discuss with ds what his suggestion is for fixing or replacing headboard.

£500 is an incredible amount of cash to be handing over with no strings - eg not to be put toward a lap top or set aside for driving lessons.

The most we give dc would be £50. We set aside £9,000 a year for each of them in ISAs; any big chunks of money are saved not given to them directly. I can’t quite get my head around it - unless it’s for a specific special item.

😂If it's news to you that teenagers masturbate, you have a very sharp learning curve ahead.

fatandhappy47

Wowzel

I wouldn't give him the money now, his behaviour was awful.
There's always one.

Do you parent teen boys?
I feel like I’ve stepped onto a different planet!!! I have teenage boys and there is no way I’d be telling someone that it was justified that they punched a hole in something because someone woke them up!!! I don’t agree with withholding money or anything but this needs a proper talk with a ‘it’s not okay to be violent’ (I know you’ve done this but also talking to him about how to manage anger etc.

Thanks for everyone's replies.

I have spoken with DD about giving her brother privacy and knocking before going into his room.
I have also had a chat with my son and he has agreed to contribute to a new bed.
As for what I give my kids for Christmas. Each to their own I suppose.
Happy Christmas everyone all the best for 2024 🎅🎅🎅

This is very true but at 16 they shouldn't be punished, they need a conversation like @sprigatito said. A near adult shouldn't be treated like an 8yo. This is why most teenagers rebel so badly, they are controlled and treated like small children instead of being taught how to be an adult. Taking away a gift is just cruel and not fit for any age though.

It doesn't matter whether the rest of mumsnet think £500 is too much for a 16 year old, it's what you've decided is his present and no I don't think you should withhold any if it. He has to live with a broken headboard though or pay for a new one.

Good grief just reading the first page of comments and the amount of people effectively saying that if your DD hadn’t gone into the room this wouldn’t have happened as if it’s her fault that he has punched a hole in the headboard. I’d have already told him that he would be paying for the replacement. Whether he chooses to use the money you’re gifting him or you make other arrangements you can sort after Christmas. Off topic, but transferring £500 for your child’s gift is thoughtless IMO.

I wouldn't be taking money from him for that as he can still sleep in the bed. If he wants it replacing then he can pay for it after Christmas.

We had to get a downstairs window boarded up and replaced late Christmas Eve when DS (18) somehow broke it after coming in drunk (we still don't know how he did it) and he had to pay us back for that - but no deducting from Christmas present .

I see you've sorted it and I'm pleased you've spoken to him about contributing rather than just taking Christmas money - it's a much better life lesson for an almost adult. If I break something of mine then I have to replace it with my money. Similarly - if he said he didn't want to replace the headboard and just wanted to remove it then that should also be an option as there is plenty people have to do without.

I would get dd to apologise to him and have a family discussion about knocking on doors and being respectful of each other's space - I can't imagine dd would be impressed in a couple of years if ds barged in first thing in the morning.

Hope you all have a lovely Christmas

you do realise most boys start masterbating at 12/13 right? .. apparentely " By age 15, almost 100% of boys and 25% of girls have masturbated to the point of orgasm"

Its completely normal and shouldn't be spoken about with shame. Boys especially need the privacy and i wouldn't've be letting my other child go into the room without an invitation.

Although his anger might need seeing too as well.

This really made me laugh. He's 16, of course he does and likely has been for years, don't be so naive.

Stop your daughter barging in otherwise she is going to end up seeing something she really doesn't need to see.

As for the headboard, I wouldn't take it out of his Christmas money but I also wouldn't replace it. Its his property and if he's broken it he can decide if and when it gets replaced and pay for it himself. Its more of a lesson this way than a punishment. I wouldn't punish them for breaking their own stuff but it's their problem to fix.

Bloody hell are you rich? £100 would-be amazing put the rest in uni fund

DS19 punched several holes in his bedroom walls. Mainly during the lockdowns from pure frustration. It is actually fairly normal behaviour and far better than punching another human.
Unfortunately he was spiked earlier this year and somehow managed to get home. He punched the front door in frustration because he felt fine but had been refused entry to a night club with his friends. They all assumed he was very drunk when in actual fact he’d had a couple of pints ( he can easily handle 6-8 pints on a night out). His hand went through a pane of glass in the door and we ended up in A&E all night.
He now has a permanent reminder of the consequences of punching hard surfaces and hasn’t done it again.
We recently decorated his room and he spent time on you tube learning how to fix holes in plaster board. He did a brilliant job patching, filling and smoothing the holes, some of which were far bigger than a fist.

Op I would encourage your DS to join a boxing gym where they teach them to control frustration and anger. Or maybe buy him a sparing bag to hit. My DS was such a gentle giant until he hit puberty, a lot of his friends were the same and to be honest taking out their hormonal aggression on inanimate objects is far better than thumping siblings.

When I was younger I didn't like my headboard and wanted a new one so I made some cuts with a little knife. This makes me sound unhinged writing it down but I wasn't 😂. Anyway I didn't get a new one. I had to live with the broken one for the rest of my time at home. Don't buy him a new bed but don't take his Xmas money. You need to figure out what made him do it though

FYI there was already a worn bit when I did it

😆😆

Why did you need to wake him up? Everyone knows that teenagers like to stay in bed late. Christmas Eve box?? - he's not 5

Don't forget that at 16 they're stronger than they realise. So he has broken his headboard, that's the consequence - he can live with it, doesn't need the entire bed replacing surely?

If this is actually fairly normal behaviour then I’m glad my DS isn’t fairly normal because he’s never punched anything or anyone in his life whether out of frustration or anger. If you are an @Angrymum22 then maybe the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

A Christmas Eve box? And the lad is 16? I'd be pretty angry too, he is most likely wanting to be treated like a young adult and not a 6 year old, grow up

Totally agree with this.

We were very strict with our DCs that bedrooms are private even from us. Nobody is allowed to barge in.

One example of loss of temper is hardly cause for getting treatment for anger issues especially as he has apologised. Natural consequences - he has a broken headboard and probably a bruised hand.

Poor lad, he's nearly and adult and he's got his little sister running into his room waking him up. It's his private space, no wonder he was annoyed! You, also should have let him be. You posted this at 10am which is still early for a teenager.

Don't punish him for doing that. But do work on your own treatment of him.

😂 you've won the internet today! Thanks x