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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son punched a hole in his headboard this morning

109 replies

cindylouho1 · 24/12/2023 10:02

So. My delightful 16 year old punched a hole in his headboard this morning.
My little girl ran into his room and woke him up shouting get up it's Christmas Eve! My son started shouting give me a minute.
I went into his room half hour later to see if he was getting up so he could open his Xmas Eve box and I seen the hole in his headboard. I asked him what happened and he told me he punched it because he was tired and angry.
This is the first time he's done anything like this.
He apologised and seemed genuinely apologetic.
I explained to him that's not on and he might need to speak to someone about his anger issues.
I've got £500 Christmas money put away for him tomorrow. Should I take money of it for a new bed so he knows he cant get away with destroying things I've worked hard for.
I don't want to have to do that but I can't let him think this is acceptable

Any advise?

OP posts:
fatandhappy47 · 24/12/2023 10:41

Wowzel · 24/12/2023 10:23

I wouldn't give him the money now, his behaviour was awful.

There's always one.

Do you parent teen boys?

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 24/12/2023 10:43

Good God nobody should be going into his room unannounced, it's his private space. Work on having respect and boundaries for your sons privacy.........better still get a lock for his door. Would he have been punished if she'd bolted in and he'd been having a morning wank ? 😶

hanschristmassolo · 24/12/2023 10:43

I have a son and no I wouldn't be giving him £500 either - I'd explain it's less due to his wilful damage and lack of respect for your home

IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere · 24/12/2023 10:43

Unless the bed is damaged so that it can’t be used anymore, just let him live with it, it’s his bed. Honestly, if this is out of character and he’s apologised I’d just let it slide, you don’t have to make an example of everything. The whole will be enough to remind him if he’s not the sort of kid who normally has violent outbursts.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 24/12/2023 10:45

How old is your daughter? If over about 7 then she needs bollocking as she shouldn’t be bursting into his bedroom like that, if younger then explain in an age appropriate way.

£500 seems WAY too much to give your son tbh, although I wouldn’t be specifically deducting for the headboard, Christmas isn’t the time to make a point. I would be telling him he’ll need to pay to have it fixed/do equivalent chores to earn it being fixed.

tokesqueen · 24/12/2023 10:47

As the mum of two older teen DS I would say he's probably too old for a Xmas eve box. £500 is too much. His sister needs to keep out of his room.
Is his dad around? He seems very angry.

Original poster
cindylouho1 · 24/12/2023 10:48

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 24/12/2023 10:43

Good God nobody should be going into his room unannounced, it's his private space. Work on having respect and boundaries for your sons privacy.........better still get a lock for his door. Would he have been punished if she'd bolted in and he'd been having a morning wank ? 😶

Having a morning wank. Such a weird thing to say about a teenager. Why did that thought come into you're mind and why feel the need to reiterate it to the sons mother? Hmm very strange indeed

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 24/12/2023 10:48

Ds did similar at that age. Do not with hold Christmas gifts but yes he should pay to fix it. He also needs to get that his younger sibling is excited and he should try and get that and be part of it. Youngest sibling does need to respect his room and needs not to go in, or at least knock. Ds never hit anything else again.

StarlightLime · 24/12/2023 10:53

Seeline · 24/12/2023 10:15

Your daughter should not be going into a 16 yo boy's room uninvited. They need their privacy.
16yo also need sleep - being woken like that is never going to go well.
No - don't make him pay for it out of his Christmas money. But I wouldn't be replacing it any time soon.

I agree.
Hawking a 16 year old out of bed first thing to open his Christmas Eve box?? Why would you?

Lucy377 · 24/12/2023 10:55

What is a Christmas Eve box? It seems awful early to be calling a 16yr old.

I get that the younger child is excited but why does the older lad have to act like an 8yr old when he's 16!

That doesn't excuse his behavior and he needs to put money towards a new headboard or repair it.

But address his behavior with him, rather than just deduct money off his present which might be avoiding the issue.

stepintochristmas1 · 24/12/2023 10:55

Imagine at 16 getting wakened up by a younger sibling barging into your bedroom for a Christmas eve box 🙄. He's 16 stop his sibling barging into his space he's not a little kid .

JPMJuliz · 24/12/2023 11:04

ActDottie · 24/12/2023 10:26

At 16 does he really need a Christmas Eve box? I can see why he wasn’t excited to get out of bed.

I don’t think his sister should be running into his bedroom either. He’s 16 now and needs privacy.

As for the money I think £500 is excessive anyway! So I’d take some away but only because £500 imo is madness to give a 16 year old for Christmas.

Exactly this!!

QueSyrahSyrah · 24/12/2023 11:05

I'd say at 16 there's a good chance he might have been doing something personal and reacted in anger driven by embarrassment at being burst in on. I don't think the suggestion that a 16 year old boy might have been wanking is as strange as you think it is OP. He's not actually 8 and buying him a Christmas Eve Box won't make him 8.

Honestly I hope he spends some of his Christmas money on a lock or a wedge for his door if you / your daughter have no boundaries (or if she is too young to understand them).

TrinityTinselToes · 24/12/2023 11:06

Redwinesalt · 24/12/2023 10:31

He can stick a poster over the bed. He's done something daft but don't wreck his Xmas as a punishment.

This

wizzywig · 24/12/2023 11:07

So if it wasn't Christmas, what should op's reaction be? I'd say deduct the headboard money from the Christmas money. Or come to a decision how to handle it together? A holey headboard could be a daily reminder not to do it again.

DRS1970 · 24/12/2023 11:07

He sounds like he is being sensible about it. So personally I think I would ask him what he thinks should happen next. He may just make the decision for you, and teach himself the error of his own ways. GL.

arewedoneyet · 24/12/2023 11:08

cindylouho1 · 24/12/2023 10:02

So. My delightful 16 year old punched a hole in his headboard this morning.
My little girl ran into his room and woke him up shouting get up it's Christmas Eve! My son started shouting give me a minute.
I went into his room half hour later to see if he was getting up so he could open his Xmas Eve box and I seen the hole in his headboard. I asked him what happened and he told me he punched it because he was tired and angry.
This is the first time he's done anything like this.
He apologised and seemed genuinely apologetic.
I explained to him that's not on and he might need to speak to someone about his anger issues.
I've got £500 Christmas money put away for him tomorrow. Should I take money of it for a new bed so he knows he cant get away with destroying things I've worked hard for.
I don't want to have to do that but I can't let him think this is acceptable

Any advise?

Your daughter should never have just entered his room without knocking that's completely not ok. Not saying what he did was right but it's common decency to give people privacy in their own room. Your daughter should learn to knock and wait to be allowed in.

Hbh17 · 24/12/2023 11:09

Why is a younger child allowed into his room without permission?
Why are you giving a 16 year old £500?
Why on earth are you giving a 16 year old a Xmas Eve box? That must be embarrassing for him.
He reacted badly, but there are just so many questions here.....

Needhelpsupport · 24/12/2023 11:10

Cannot believe the replies ,defending sons actions. Not surprised that there are so many threads about teenagers aggressive/ intimidating behaviour !
Yes , not great to be woken up so early , but my teenagers were tolerant of their younger sibling and certainly didn’t damage their room / belongings !
Blaming the younger sibling for her brothers behaviour is crazy , and will not end well !
Remind daughter to always knock before entering son’s room ,accept sons apologies and
get son to replace / contribute towards head board in the new year .

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 24/12/2023 11:13

Give him three options:

He can mend the headboard
He can manage without a headboard
He can buy himself a replacement

HelpMeGetThrough · 24/12/2023 11:14

At least it wasn't the bathroom wall, which my brother did at 17. He must have leathered that wall as well.

Soontobe60 · 24/12/2023 11:14

cindylouho1 · 24/12/2023 10:48

Having a morning wank. Such a weird thing to say about a teenager. Why did that thought come into you're mind and why feel the need to reiterate it to the sons mother? Hmm very strange indeed

Show quote history

He’s 16, not 6! Boys of that age masturbate!!!

DaphneMoo · 24/12/2023 11:14

I would make him pay for a new headboard out of the £500 and speak to your younger child about not going into her brother's room. I've never done Christmas eve boxes but always assumed it was something opened in the evening and wouldn't have thought a 16 your old boy would be that keen on the whole thing at anytime of the day.

liveforsummer · 24/12/2023 11:14

He has a natural consequence for this - a sore hand and an unsightly headboard. He sounds sorry and will likely have learned from it at an age where mistakes are expected and not to late to learn these lessons. I'm not surprised he was cross though even though he didn't react appropriately. Send him a bit extra to source a source a door lock or teach dd to knock. I'd also move the timing of xmas eve box if you still expect him to participate in that!

justsomepandq · 24/12/2023 11:15

What madness is this where families have to wake up early on 24 December for a Christmas Eve box? Are they not actually for the evening?
Have Christmas as planned.
Teach your DD some respect for her brothers privacy.
Agree with DS suitable shared consequence for replacing or repairing the headboard in due course.

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