If your teenager is doing REALLY well at school, but does virtually nil housework etc...

[Milliways]

and every time you suggest some help (apart from their room as only they have to live in that!) they sigh, roll their eyes, and list every item of work expected of them...

would you push it??

DD is doing 5 AS levels, so no free time at school, and 5 subjects of h/w set every night - so she often working until gone 10pm.

She has a part-time job which she manages (4-8 2 evenings and 10-5 Saturdays), and she sometimes plays sport for 1 hour one night per week.

Basically I agree that she is very stretched, but she does manage to fit in her job - but our house is always needing something doing and it's all me

If guests are coming I can persuade her to do the odd bit of cleaning - and she is very good at it when she actually does it - but I HAVE to ask/beg.

Would you make them do more - or just be grateful that their grades are amazing & their teachers love them?

Well my dd still helps out when needed regardless of her school work.
I do take into account when she's particularly snowed under and may let her off doing the dishes.

Is it just "When needed" or does she have regular chores of her own - outside her room?

I wouldn't expect her to do more than keep her room tidy. She is working 15 hours per week on top of performing well at school - I think it's enough.

well she clears up the kitchen with me after dinner,so washing up,wiping down etc.That's a daily thing and expected of her.
Other than that she does what I ask her if I need the help,and she sits her little brother for me when needed.I am conscious of her school work as well though and take that into account.
Actually I think she needs more regular chores now I think about it.May make the bathroom her resposibility as it's her bloody mess.

i would make her do her fair share. when i was a teenager i did diddly squat round the house, my mum never expected me to do anything. i got great a-levels and degree but i now can't manage my own house

They do spend an inordinate ammount of time in there don't they!

She is a great kid, and I am probably grumpy as DS has been ill for ages and I am just run down and looking for someone to blame.

Actually, should stop doing MN and go and tidy up!!!!

I would give her a small regular job, say, emptying the dishwasher on Saturdays and Sundays or cleaning the downstairs loo (or other "small room" that would only take a few mins) once a week.

That way you don't feel like you're always asking and she doesn't feel like you're nagging. I think that would be fair.

We all work hard, and we all need to chip in, I think.

Milliways - thank your lucky stars, really would you rather she forgo her school work and let subjects slip?

The excersise is needed and the job outside the home is good - she is not lazy is she.

Soon enough she will be out on her own at uni/whatever and having to do it all.

Then you will find that the house stays tidy not as much washing and ironing to do....

You are right Ivykate - which is why I haven't ever really pushed her. I am just having a grumpy day!

She is a fab DD who I wouldn't swap - but ONE day she will have to learn what an iron is! (although she intends to earn enough to pay someone to do hers!!)

Actually dd does do her own ironing ,but that is pretty minimal,probably school shirts only.That's because I don't really do ironing unless really really needed.

would let it go if i were you. my sisters 2 sons were lazy sods around the house never did a thing were waited on hand and foot. i scoffed adn said oh i wouldnt put up with that..eldest is now at cambridge adn youngest has just had an offer and they are both lovely amazing young men. slobby btards though. i know what i would rather have...

Your daughter sounds fantastic to me...and very very busy already.

I would swing to not putting extra pressure on, at least for the rest of this year and leave her room for her to sort.

If she was a messy person who causes you EXTRA work constantly (like my dd) eg. leaving the kitchen in a state after making a snack or trashing the bathroom every day, then I would reconsider.

She will be able to pick up the housework when she needs to.