Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Driving lessons..a life skill or luxury?

134 replies

Uurrjb · 17/11/2023 21:49

Hi do you view driving lessons like swimming lessons?

You learn from parents and have a top up from paid lessons to improve (obviously you have to have formal lessons from an instructor for driving and the f you have a spare but of cash for a weekly swim club)
trying to work out…when your teen is ready to learn to drive do you pay like you would for additional swim lessons when little (cause you had a toddler and a baby and life etc) and it’s an an essential life skill to swim (and you can take them out to practice)

or is it a birthday present as it’s a lifestyle choice and it’s actually quite expensive

OP posts:
BrightLightTonight · 17/11/2023 22:18

It’s a life skill, but one that your adult children have to decide if it’s for them.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 17/11/2023 22:19

It is both a luxury and an essential life skill. An essential skill without which you may have increased barriers in life yet so expensive many are priced out. So the more vulnerable in the population suffer. As with everything.

DNLove · 17/11/2023 22:21

Luxury at 17, essential life skill after 20. I think you should be able to drive by 21. A block of lessons should be booked daily for a 2 week period and have test booked in advance. If not in a position to get a car do driving lessons regularly (once a month to keep the skill up) and if possible get into someone's policy as a named driver even if they'll never let you drive the car so you have some named driver years for when you do get your own policy.

Gobimanchurian · 17/11/2023 22:24

DrCoconut · 17/11/2023 22:07

I didn't get to drive until my 30s. My parents couldn't afford it when i was 17 and then when I tried in my 20s I had to give up due to the expense. It's definitely a huge privilege to have it paid for when you're young.

Fully agree with this. I had no financial help (kicked out at 16) so was mid 20's before I passed (the cost was crippling).

My eldest got lessons for her 17th and the other two will get the same next year. I'm grateful we are in a position to do that for them all.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 17/11/2023 22:26

It is a life skill but prohibitively expensive, I'm lucky that my dd is motivated to earn money and has paid for her own driving lessons £680 so far 😳

I have said I'll add her to my car insurance next month and I've paid for the theory and driving test.

She'll have to use her own money to buy a car and pay for insurance as I don't have that kind of money.

Wheelz46 · 17/11/2023 22:28

It's definitely a life skill, there are more opportunities for those who can drive and makes life so much easier.

I will definitely pay for my kids to have lessons when the time comes, if they want to of course.

ChannelNo19EDT · 17/11/2023 22:35

I felt so much pressure to get my driving licence, took the test so many times, failed it so many times, ploughed so much money in to each attempt, each failure really depressed me and made me feel such a failure. EVENTUALLY I passed and it was a relief, but I never needed a car enough to sink a load more money in to that. I live near bus routes. I walk to work atm. I would hate to live in a really rural location.

I hate these threads because I read how little people think of non drivers. Yikes.

kitsuneghost · 17/11/2023 22:37

Life skill and qualified instructor all the way, from the start.
Unqualified people should not be teaching teenagers to drive imo.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/11/2023 22:37

No reason they can’t afford to pay for their own lessons later in life when working.

That can be a catch-22 though, depending on where you live and what employment is available.

While it's true that it may seem like something that can be left till later, I'm glad my dd got her license before she went to uni. Friends of hers who didn't, and who then couldn't do it in summer vacations either for various reasons (covid being one) are now finding it harder to get lessons that fit in with work and, having left home, have no opportunity for free practice with family.

Rolypoly2961 · 17/11/2023 22:38

Where my DC grew up (rural, limited public transport), driving is an essential life skill. Both got driving lessons and a car for their 17th birthday and, when they had both passed their driving test, I could increase my work hours. Whilst living at home, they both had jobs which would not have been possible without a driving licence and car. Overall, there was a financial benefit to them having a car and driving licence.

In contrast, DS now lives in London with his London-born fiancée, she does not drive and views learning to drive as a luxury. I would agree as being a non-driver has no impact on her life or her earning capacity. However, long term, being a non driver may limit where they live as she will need good transport links..

Crunched · 17/11/2023 22:38

My niece is 40. She grew up in Bath, went to university in London and now lives in Sydney. She has never needed nor wanted to drive.

DGPP · 17/11/2023 22:39

Life skill

Boymum2104 · 17/11/2023 22:41

A luxury for people who can afford to take lessons & tests then buy and run a car

meagert · 17/11/2023 22:43

Essential life skill, although that's not to say he will be getting a 17th birthday present as well, it's expensive! We intend to set ours up as drivers; lessons, car, and insurance so that we can put firm rules in place around how, who with and when they drive, we have sons and I am terrified at the thought of RTCs, so we want to do as much as we can to set them up in that first year. Though I acknowledge it is a luxury that we are able to support them in this way.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 17/11/2023 22:44

It's a life skill, but the urgency depends on where you live. I grew up in outer London and no one paid for my driving lessons. I could get about fine for work and most leisure without a car. I paid for my own when I was a bit older and working.

UsingChangeofName · 17/11/2023 22:48

It’s a life skill, but one that your adult children have to decide if it’s for them.

This.
I mean, for many, it is a luxury that they will struggle to afford, but there are so many times in my life I would have not been able to do things without being able to drive (including my current job). There have been hundreds of times I'm glad I prioritised it at 17.

In our family, we gave them each a promise of 10 driving lessons, to use when they were ready, for their 17th birthdays; they asked grandparents and Aunts and Uncles for money towards driving lessons in lieu of physical presents, for birthday and Christmas; and then they used their own money from their part time jobs for the rest.

However, this is going to depend hugely on your budget, and how many dc you have, and, to a lesser extent if you made decisions like living very rurally so they are somewhat stuck without transport, or if you are in London where they have luxurious public transport compared to the rest of the UK. That will probably impact on their motivation, too.

FFSWhatToDoNow · 17/11/2023 22:50

Absolute life skill. My dad was prepping me for driving since I was a very small child (was changing car oil and spark plugs with him by about 6). Never any lessons from my parents. I had 10 lessons starting on my 17th birthday and passed first time 6 weeks later. Had a racing licence by 21 and advanced driving at 25. I drive a lot and it’s one of the few joys in life.

I’ve been prepping DD in a similar way since she could sit next to me in the car. She understands the mechanics. She has been driving since 12 (track sessions). She did a super car track day for her 13th birthday. By the time she’s 17 she will have a fair bit of driving experience and confidence. Will have to break it to her that she won’t be having my fun car as her first drive. I’m quite sad that most of her driving experience as an adult will be in an electric go kart. 😭

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 17/11/2023 22:50

Unless you live in London or somewhere else with good public transport its a life skill.

Sticktoslimmingworld · 17/11/2023 22:52

If you can afford it then why would you not give your child the opportunity to get this skill asap? My son passed his theory test the morning of his 17th birthday and passed his practical 6 months later.

jlpth · 17/11/2023 22:53

It's an essential life skill (depending on where you live, perhaps not in parts of London). At least where I live it is.

I paid for my 17yo DS lessons and also took him out myself, quite religiously, so he passed quickly.

It was very very expensive. But needed doing.

StSwithinsDay · 17/11/2023 22:54

Ours learned to drive a Landrover on private land at the age of 15. As soon as it was allowed they had lessons and did their test.

meagert · 17/11/2023 22:57

Unless you live in London or somewhere else with good public transport its a life skill

There's no guarantee someone will stay where they're raised (especially considering living costs in london) and I think learning to drive is one of those things that gets much harder to do the older you get, especially as commitments increase. I would still prioritise it if we still lived in london.

SweetBirdsong · 17/11/2023 23:30

Essential life skill. As a few posters have said, some employers won't even look at a candidate who can't drive. And if you are already employed within a company (from a younger age, like 18,) you won't advance much without being able to drive.

I think some employers see people who have learned to drive as being more determined and go-getting, and capable of learning what is basically quite a hard thing to do. If there are no health issues that prevent driving, I do actually wonder why people won't learn, and as an employer it will very likely put me off a particular candidate.

I know someone will come on to the thread now, and say they soared through the ranks at work, travelled the world, and became CEO of several companies -without being able to drive. But in the real world, it is an important life skill, it is quite necessary for most careers, and it will affect career opportunities in a lot of cases.

MaloneMeadow · 17/11/2023 23:39

An absolute life skill. I have paid for all of DD’s lessons, I would never have expected or asked her to pay for them. Yes it’s expensive but it’s a necessity. She is doing her test next month and by then I will have paid £1000 in lessons over 6 months. I would much rather her be a safe, confident driver than scrimp on lessons/a rubbish instructor and risk putting her in danger.

I will not be gifting her a car, she has to work for that herself but I will certainly help contribute to it. When she passes her test I will be paying for her insurance on my car

As a parent it is my job to set her up for success in life - if she cannot drive then that severely limits work opportunities, her ability to get to university placements, her social life and future family life.

SoCalLiving · 17/11/2023 23:44

My mom paid for my driving lessons to start with but was not in a position to teach me herself. I was a summer baby so only started learning the start of Year 13 and I was so stressed over A Levels I stopped halfway through the year. In the end I moved abroad straight after A Levels and lived in major world cities so I didn't end up learn to drive until I was 25 and living in a 3rd country where it was almost imperative to learn. My partner (also British) had parents who didn't push driving lessons, nor were willing to pay for them, and so he still doesn't know how to drive.

I agree it is a life skill and wish my mom had encouraged me to stick with it even through my A Levels if only so I didn't have to fork out my own money in my 20s for it!!!

BUT it's also expensive, so if parents can't afford to pay for lessons or are not in a position to teach children themselves, I'm definitely not judging them.