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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds sent nudes

67 replies

Fedup0707 · 01/11/2023 19:17

Hi regular poster, but have changed username.
My ds 16 has sent nudes to my best friends daughter and she has been blackmailing him ever since! First off I can not believe how utterly stupid ds is so so stupid. He knows not do this, knows the dangers, and we have talked about it.
It was sent off Snapchat and I did not believe it at first he denied it, said its not actually pic of him its a random pic, she dosent have a pic but has messages saying that he sent it. And blackmailing him saying she will tell his gf.
He apparently sent this pic at the beginning of the relationship, and best friends daughter has been calling him a cheater and everytime he would block her she would threaten to tell his new gf, he would then beg and plead for her not to.
I think my friendship is being tested, as best friend is saying her daughter is in the right and my ds was calling her a liar and these messages prove she's not.
I'm trying to tell her that your daughter has held this over my ds head and made his life miserable.
I'm so so angry at both of these kids and also at my bf as she thinks it's all ds fault.
Her dd has been asking for pics constantly, not only from my ds but also his friends!
I just can't believe this situation!
Please advise how best to handle as at the moment I really don't want to speak to anyone of them!

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 01/11/2023 19:19

Blackmail is a crime. I'd contact the police for advice.

Motnight · 01/11/2023 19:20

What your ds has done is illegal. I would seek legal advice personally.

Original poster
Fedup0707 · 01/11/2023 19:29

They are both still children, I'm utterly disgusted at both of them, she dosent have a pic of him or anything just messages saying I feel like telling your gf you sent pics, and him saying sorry I've stopped. He is relieved I think now that it's come out and now does not have to speak to best friends dd anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fedup0707 · 01/11/2023 19:31

She has screenshot the conversations everytime but no actual pic. She sends goading messages to the gf too saying your bf is a cheater etc.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 01/11/2023 19:31

Is the girl he sent the pics to under 16? This is relevant as he's 16.

Original poster
Fedup0707 · 01/11/2023 19:32

They were both 15 when he sent the pics after she asked him too.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/11/2023 19:33

And blackmailing him saying she will tell his gf.

What do you mean by blackmail? What's she requesting from him?

Original poster
Fedup0707 · 01/11/2023 19:33

Has anybodys dc been in similar situation? How was it handled?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fedup0707 · 01/11/2023 19:36

If he tried to remove her from any social media, she would message him on another form she would say she's coming now to tell me what he done, or tell his gf.

OP posts:
Iaintsadwhenugotobed · 01/11/2023 19:37

I think your ds is in the wrong tbh. So he sent her these pics uncalled for which is traumatising enough. No one wants their kids exposed to stuff like this as long as possible. And then he is also cheating on his girlfriend as he was in a relationship when he sent the pics (also his own choice his own fault). But u would like the girl to be sorry for telling him what he did was trash? It was trash and if I was ur bf I would be disgusted that u can’t see she is the victim. If u see a snake u call it out. Just because he’s sorry doesn’t mean he gets a fresh set of cards. Yeah she didn’t have to hold it over him but I don’t see how she is at fault. All the wrong stuff was done admittedly by him.

Original poster
Fedup0707 · 01/11/2023 19:38

He is so stupid that he would panic and apologise straight away, I wish he would have just told me, it came out as she messaged his gf and tried to break them up. he told me so I messaged her mum to say can you tell her too stop not knowing she had this on him.
It then all came out.

OP posts:
Wibblywobblylikejelly · 01/11/2023 19:40

Your DS has distributed Child pormogrphy to another child.
She isn't really black.ailing him

So put of the two he's much much more in the wrong.

So he did cheat as well?

Tell the GF. The relationship isn't worth this.

SoupDragon · 01/11/2023 19:41

Iaintsadwhenugotobed · 01/11/2023 19:37

I think your ds is in the wrong tbh. So he sent her these pics uncalled for which is traumatising enough. No one wants their kids exposed to stuff like this as long as possible. And then he is also cheating on his girlfriend as he was in a relationship when he sent the pics (also his own choice his own fault). But u would like the girl to be sorry for telling him what he did was trash? It was trash and if I was ur bf I would be disgusted that u can’t see she is the victim. If u see a snake u call it out. Just because he’s sorry doesn’t mean he gets a fresh set of cards. Yeah she didn’t have to hold it over him but I don’t see how she is at fault. All the wrong stuff was done admittedly by him.

She asked him to. They weren't unsolicited.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/11/2023 19:42

Right. So your ds was a complete arsehole by illegally sending photos of himself to an underage girl when he was in a relationship with another girl.
You don't seem to be acknowledging that other than in a 'what a silly billy' tone.

Original poster
Fedup0707 · 01/11/2023 19:42

It was early stages of his new relationship. Very early, she had asked for him to send pics constantly also she would ask his friends too and they did too apparently. I'm not saying ds is in the wrong he is!

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 01/11/2023 19:42

I think you just say to DS "you've learned your lesson there and hopefully you'll know not to do it again"

Then go to speak to your best friend and say "are you happy to draw a line under this now?" See what she says. What is she hoping to come out of it? Both kids have been stupid and if you're both happy to leave it there doesn't need to be a drama over it or a falling out.

And just tell DS and your friend that if she does share the pics youll be taking it further. If she tells DS girlfriend then so what?

Dacadactyl · 01/11/2023 19:43

They were both 15 at time pics were sent to all the posters wondering.

Original poster
Fedup0707 · 01/11/2023 19:45

I mean he is in the wrong, he never should have sent anyone a pic ever, he knows better! But he did.
He has been punished he is grounded and xbox taken off.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/11/2023 19:45

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 01/11/2023 19:40

Your DS has distributed Child pormogrphy to another child.
She isn't really black.ailing him

So put of the two he's much much more in the wrong.

So he did cheat as well?

Tell the GF. The relationship isn't worth this.

It's not images of children because it sounds like it wasn't a picture of him. He did send a nude though.

OP, he should own up to his GF, teaching consequences. Then the girl will have nothing over him. Teach him to take responsibility and how that removes people's power over you. If he gets dumped, that's a sign that he did something which his GF considers a deal-breaker and he shouldn't remove her right to choose that.

Instead of dealing with his upset, teach him how to be an effective, honest, brave man.

swimsong · 01/11/2023 19:45

Fedup0707 · 01/11/2023 19:38

He is so stupid that he would panic and apologise straight away, I wish he would have just told me, it came out as she messaged his gf and tried to break them up. he told me so I messaged her mum to say can you tell her too stop not knowing she had this on him.
It then all came out.

So she has told his gf? Then isn't it all over?
It's up to the gf now. BF's DD can't keep threatening something that she's already done.

MissyB1 · 01/11/2023 19:46

She’s just as bad as him. Make it clear to the mother and daughter that you are considering going to the police as this is now harassment and blackmail. Make sure you have screenshots of all her threads and demands for nude pictures. Advise her and her mother those will be shown to the police.
Bet she backs off very very quickly!

Hope your ds has learned a very hard lesson.

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 01/11/2023 19:46

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/11/2023 19:45

It's not images of children because it sounds like it wasn't a picture of him. He did send a nude though.

OP, he should own up to his GF, teaching consequences. Then the girl will have nothing over him. Teach him to take responsibility and how that removes people's power over you. If he gets dumped, that's a sign that he did something which his GF considers a deal-breaker and he shouldn't remove her right to choose that.

Instead of dealing with his upset, teach him how to be an effective, honest, brave man.

Show quote history

So he says.
Can he prove its not a child's genital?

Apparently she has proof of him saying its his. So not looking great.

HappiDaze · 01/11/2023 19:46

Call the police right now

Before it gets out of hand

That vile Police man blackmailed over 200 school girls and recently went to prison

If that stupid little girl your friends friend sends that photo to anyone else

Your DS life could be ruined to the point of suicide

Get the police involved right

Call them right now

They trained in this

Forget your friendship with the mum

Sort this out right now

HappiDaze · 01/11/2023 19:48

Don't pfaff around MN

This is really serious and can completely ruin young lives

CALL THE POLICE

Towwanthustice · 01/11/2023 19:48

He's committed an offence.
My daughter who was 11 at the time sent edited pics of her body ( partially clothed)
I spoke to the police and her school child protection officer as I was horrified.
To be blackmail SHE has to 'gain' from it.
Hes lucky it hasn't gone further than this.
Educate him in the law and make him apologise and hopefully that will be them end of it. But if there was pics sent he needs to know he can be in big trouble for it.