Ds sent nudes

[Fedup0707]

Hi regular poster, but have changed username.
My ds 16 has sent nudes to my best friends daughter and she has been blackmailing him ever since! First off I can not believe how utterly stupid ds is so so stupid. He knows not do this, knows the dangers, and we have talked about it.
It was sent off Snapchat and I did not believe it at first he denied it, said its not actually pic of him its a random pic, she dosent have a pic but has messages saying that he sent it. And blackmailing him saying she will tell his gf.
He apparently sent this pic at the beginning of the relationship, and best friends daughter has been calling him a cheater and everytime he would block her she would threaten to tell his new gf, he would then beg and plead for her not to.
I think my friendship is being tested, as best friend is saying her daughter is in the right and my ds was calling her a liar and these messages prove she's not.
I'm trying to tell her that your daughter has held this over my ds head and made his life miserable.
I'm so so angry at both of these kids and also at my bf as she thinks it's all ds fault.
Her dd has been asking for pics constantly, not only from my ds but also his friends!
I just can't believe this situation!
Please advise how best to handle as at the moment I really don't want to speak to anyone of them!

Never use the term "Child Pornography" ever again. There's no such thing.

Child sexual abuse imagery.

Sorry but I find it totally weird that a girl can ask a boy of her own age for nudes, get sent them and then suddenly he’s some kind of sick pervert!

Its only the ill-informed masses who think like that.

Teens sharing nudes, in the age of social media, is age-appropriate curiosity and sexual exploration. There is nothing - nothing - criminal in teens sending or receiving nudes when done with consent.

The point of the legal framework around online sharing of indecent images of children has at its heart the aim to criminalise adults who take sexual advantage of children. The law is not intended to criminalise children. It is not intended to make the child sending the image into a perpetrator. The opposite in fact. Plus, this particular law was written before social media existed and before the idea of sharing images to the extent we now do was even conceived.

So there is nothing sick, or all that unusual, in what this boy did. He is allowed to be a sexually curious being without shame being attached to that. Likewise of the recipient.

The reason we strongly advise teens against sharing nudes is not because of the actual exchange of images. The issue is all the shit that can happen after it's shared and they lose control of the image. There are many, many negative outcomes, the OPs son has found just one. Others could be:

• non-malicious onward sharing
• malicious onward sharing
• widespread onward sharing in peer group
• publishing image online
• threats to onward share
• threats to tell parents / teachers / partner
• blackmail or cohesion using threats to share/tell
• saving the image until after breaking up, then using it as a means maliciously destroy reputation
• threats to fabricate that the image exchange was cohersed or forced
• Cohesion to send more or more explicit images to avoid initial one being shared
• negative gossip within peer/friendship group when one tells other people they have an image of another.
• parents (naively) punishing and further isolating teens by restricting phone use, by not understanding so lacking empathy

There's loads more. But essentially, all the negative outcomes are not to do with criminalising teens who share images or making them feel ashamed for their normal and natural sexual curiosity. People who think this don't have any real-life understanding of the issue, they just pearl clutch

I will. Because I can. You do younthough.

Child sexual abuse material (or imagery) is really the best phrase. Child pornography sounds like a porn category when it really isn’t.

I think calling it what it is serves as a reminder to how horrific it is. Child pornography kind of minimises it imo

It looks like she's doing everything in order to split them up, because she possibly likes your son and hates the fact he's with another girl, not with her. That may possibly be a reason of her blackmailing him.

Of course, I may be wrong, just the first thought crossed my mind, trying to understand the root cause of the situation

Except there was no abuse was there?

In this situation no. It’d just be referred to as indecent images seeing as the OP’s son is younger than 18

Carry on if you must, but using the phrase implies some sort of tolerance and by using the phrase, you're legitimising and trivialising the act of producing, sharing and viewing indecent imagery of children that are being sexually abused. It is not pornography, it is a permanent record of a child being sexually exploited.

The NSPCC, CEOP etc advice is the same.

So "you do you"...

Great advice from @Woush there.
I would be far more worried to be the parent of his "best friend" - to think I had brought up a young adult who thought emotional blackmail and threats were an acceptable way to behave.

It's frightening to think what could happen, why are children so desperate to grow up.

Because they have access to the internet in ways that would have been unthought of even 10 years ago.

Just because you can doesn't mean that you should.

Go easy on your son OP. Yes be angry but he's learnt his lesson. Anyone here saying he's a disgrace etc need to get a grip, the girl asked for the pics he sent them and it won't be the first and last time teens do this despite how often we tell them they shouldn't. I'm glad he's told his gf so the anxiety around it's gone. Your friends daughter is malicious, holding that over someone is controlling and damaging. I'm shocked your friend can't see that also. What did she say about her daughter asking ever for nudes?
Imagine if the genders were reversed in this story, everyone here would be sympathetic to the girl sending nudes and rightly vilifying the blackmailer

Thanks, not sure if you read it that way but I actually agree. I’d be fighting my sons corner on this one.
If both my kids did what both of these kids did I’d be more angry and annoyed with the girl. But other people’s opinions and the weird laws mean I’d have to be more fearful about outcome for boy.
Scary world out there for our poor kids.
I think the poster who said get him to confess to girlfriend is right. He’s only found, they won’t stay together so he needs to release the pressure and stress. I would quietly discharge myself from friend with as little fuss as possible if that means keeping the kids apart.

Thank you all for replies , I did try to contact friend today but she didn't answer, wanted to chat with her to state how I felt. I think she dosent want to talk.

@fedup0707 how are you doing ?
How did you manage to deal with the situation ?

Message the girl:
If she doesn’t stop threatening and blackmailing him, you will call the police.

Forget her mother, she obviously believes her daughter is an angel.

And to all the posters blaming OP’s son, yes he was a naive idiot, but this girl is a dangerous nasty bitch.

Kids commit suicide because of bullies like her.