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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

1.00 am too late to leave a party? 16 year old boy.

64 replies

Nothingelsetobedoing · 22/10/2023 17:58

So my 16 year old has been invited to a Halloween party at the weekend and he tells us kick out time is 1.00 am and he plans to walk home (because he knows there is no way we would collect at 1.00 am). We live in a semi rural area but, like many small towns there is an element of anti social behaviour (not from him). DH thinks we should be telling him we will pick him up at 11.00 and that 1.00 is far too late. Interested to know if others agree?

OP posts:
DoThePropeller · 22/10/2023 18:00

Year 11 or 12?

I’d be more relaxed if the latter. My year 11 has an 11:30 curfew for weekend nights. And we always pick up.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/10/2023 18:00

I would compromise on 12:30. I would not allow a 16yo to walk home alone at 1am.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/10/2023 18:01

As in pick him up at 12:30 if he can walk home it can't be far and it's a special night.

MetaverseMavis · 22/10/2023 18:03

Another vote for 12:30 and a pick-up. You chose to live semi-rural so you need to accept the consequences of being a taxi driver for teens of this age.

PS I am also semi-rural with teens, absolutely not judging

QuietDragon · 22/10/2023 18:03

Of course you need to pick him up! What time that is is up to you.

neilyoungismyhero · 22/10/2023 18:05

I agree with PPs- midnight or half twelve pick up. I always think we choose nice rural places to live so we have a responsibility to do pick ups and drop offs for our kids until they can drive themselves.

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 22/10/2023 18:06

1am is fine but you should pick up or pay for a taxi

Original poster
Nothingelsetobedoing · 22/10/2023 18:07

Thanks all 😊.

OP posts:
Onehappymam · 22/10/2023 18:09

If you live semi-rurally and it’s a busy party, there’s going to be lots of cars going about. I’d worry about him walking home in the dark, especially after a few drinks.

1am as a one off for a special occasion is fine, but he should’ve be walking home. Far too risky. Taxi? Lift?

OhDoSitDownAndShutUp · 22/10/2023 18:11

It's once a year. Why wouldn't one of you pick him up? My husband and I used to collect our sons from nightclubs at 3 in the morning, until they were in their 20s. Anything that kept them safe.

Before anyone says anything about mollycoddling them - yes, I did. Something to do with me witnessing my 21 year old brother being mown down by a drunken driver.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/10/2023 18:12

Set the curfew to a time you'll pick him up. Don't set it later then make him walk home at stupid o'clock alone in the dark probably drunk.

Original poster
Nothingelsetobedoing · 22/10/2023 18:12

Gosh that’s awful. I’m so sorry to hear that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nothingelsetobedoing · 22/10/2023 18:14

SleepingStandingUp · 22/10/2023 18:12

Set the curfew to a time you'll pick him up. Don't set it later then make him walk home at stupid o'clock alone in the dark probably drunk.

He’s not really a drinker, but of course others are.

OP posts:
Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 18:16

Pick him up at 1 or pay for a taxi. I know it’s annoying but you can’t make a teenager leave a party early, it’s social suicide. It’s not his fault you’ve chosen to live somewhere not easy for him to get home.

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 18:18

Why’s everyone saying 12:30? The party finishes at 1am, what difference does half hour make to an adult vs what it does to a teen?!?!

BooksAndHooks · 22/10/2023 18:21

Ours know we will always picks them up even at that hour. We would never want them walking home alone be it at 10pm or 1am.

gotomomo · 22/10/2023 18:22

I'd pick up at 1am

For special occasions I shared lifts with DD's friends mum, meant it was only a handful of times a year I was picking up at midnight or later. From about 14 I was pretty liberal on times but it came with a cost, she had to get up and let the dog out at 8!

gotomomo · 22/10/2023 18:23

My ddad still occasionally picks me upBlush though it's more folk nights than house party, taxis are as rare as hens teeth and my parents like us visiting them (great folk club next town along to them)

OhDoSitDownAndShutUp · 22/10/2023 18:25

Thank you, OP. Please, let him go until 1am and one of you go and pick him up. I used to go in my dressing gown and slippers to fetch mine Grin

MillieVonPinkle · 22/10/2023 18:27

he tells us kick out time is 1.00 am and he plans to walk home (because he knows there is no way we would collect at 1.00 am)

Why not?

I'd just pick up at 1. Or pre-arrange a taxi if I was actually not able to.

Gcsunnyside23 · 22/10/2023 18:30

I'd pick him up at 1 or order him a taxi

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 22/10/2023 18:32

Is there an option for your DS to stay at a friend's house more local to the party so they could walk there together ?

MillieVonPinkle · 22/10/2023 18:33

My ddad still occasionally picks me up

My dad often picked me up from a night out, right into my 30s.

He also still gave my friends lifts home - a group of 30 year old married women with kids, all piling drunkenly into his car after our Xmas do to be taken home 😂 He always waited outside until x person went in, like he always had since he I was a teen.

God I miss my dad. If I'm out now, I still get a little shock every time I need to head for the taxi rank and he died about 5 years ago 😔

Bluetrue · 22/10/2023 18:36

MillieVonPinkle · 22/10/2023 18:33

My ddad still occasionally picks me up

My dad often picked me up from a night out, right into my 30s.

He also still gave my friends lifts home - a group of 30 year old married women with kids, all piling drunkenly into his car after our Xmas do to be taken home 😂 He always waited outside until x person went in, like he always had since he I was a teen.

God I miss my dad. If I'm out now, I still get a little shock every time I need to head for the taxi rank and he died about 5 years ago 😔

Your dad sounded like a great guy. Sorry for your loss

determinedtomakethiswork · 22/10/2023 18:40

If you choose to live rurally then you have to give lifts or pay for taxis or tell him to sleep at a friend's home.