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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

1.00 am too late to leave a party? 16 year old boy.

64 replies

Nothingelsetobedoing · 22/10/2023 17:58

So my 16 year old has been invited to a Halloween party at the weekend and he tells us kick out time is 1.00 am and he plans to walk home (because he knows there is no way we would collect at 1.00 am). We live in a semi rural area but, like many small towns there is an element of anti social behaviour (not from him). DH thinks we should be telling him we will pick him up at 11.00 and that 1.00 is far too late. Interested to know if others agree?

OP posts:
Alainlechat · 22/10/2023 18:42

I have 16 year old DDs and I would pick them up no question at 1am.

DoughnutDreams · 22/10/2023 18:53

Young men are especially vulnerable walking home late at night. I've always said I will collect, or pay for a taxi if they are stuck. Have often gone out in pyjamas, and would always prefer that to lying awake worrying.

AIstolemylunch · 22/10/2023 18:58

My year 11 is the oldest in his year 11 and recently had a 16th party (so most were 15) and we did kick out at 12 and by the time the stragglers had been collected or waited for their Ubers it was nearly 1, if that helps at all. I'd personally be ok picking my 16y old up at 1, maybe 12.35 as compromise. Would not let him walk home.

AIstolemylunch · 22/10/2023 19:00

12.45 should say.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/10/2023 19:04

Pick him up at 1am or
Book /pay for a taxi

You chose to live in a rural

See if any friends want a lift home as well as you are out anyway if collecting

And next party their parents can collect

No way would I let my Child walk home alone at 1am

hopsalong · 22/10/2023 19:06

What time do you normally go to bed? I would pick up at 1 but I'm often not in bed until then anyway so it wouldn't totally screw up the next day. If you normally go to bed at 10 then you will feel horrible the next day if you pick him up at 1. I would compromise on 12 or organise a taxi.

Alixnpeppa · 22/10/2023 19:12

My husband and I used to collect our sons from nightclubs at 3 in the morning, until they were in their 20s

Jesus Christ. Did he not feel guilty having his parents wait up until 3am to give him lifts? There's no way I would accept my parents doing something like that, I don't care if they offered, I would tell them no and just not give them the address of the club if need be. I'd feel like I was taking advantage and not being mature enough to handle it on my own.

Perpetualstateofchaos · 22/10/2023 19:12

Id pick up at 1am. Ds went to prom after party and that was kick out at 1. He wanted to walk i insisted on picking him up as its easily an hour walk. I often share lifts with his best mates mum for things like this. I did 12pm kick out for post gcse party and offered lifts to all the lads that didnt have a lift prearranged so none walked home. We live in a town and most are 30 to hour walk away

slithytoveisascientist · 22/10/2023 19:14

I'd pick up but I'm a night owl and up at that time anyway

Alixnpeppa · 22/10/2023 19:16

I used to enjoy walking home, even if it was an hour walk. Lifts were great sometimes but a good night walk with my music was really enjoyable. Maybe not in Year 11 if it's that late, but from college ages, yes.

JosaihMyTable · 22/10/2023 19:21

Alixnpeppa · 22/10/2023 19:12

My husband and I used to collect our sons from nightclubs at 3 in the morning, until they were in their 20s

Jesus Christ. Did he not feel guilty having his parents wait up until 3am to give him lifts? There's no way I would accept my parents doing something like that, I don't care if they offered, I would tell them no and just not give them the address of the club if need be. I'd feel like I was taking advantage and not being mature enough to handle it on my own.

Who is waiting up? Dh is used to be woken in the middle of the night as he was often on call, he was on a rota. He can also fall asleep within 4 seconds no matter what time he has been woken up. He is wide awake to fast asleep immediately.

Dh picked Ds1 up, he usually just called us when he was ready rather than a set time but then we live in a city and there are far too many attacks with no provocation, just people out looking for a fight. Now he can drive so he just takes my car and brings himself home usually dropping mates off on the way.

What is handling something on your own? What a fight where there are 5 against 1 or 2? The later it is the more rowdy people get, the more drunk drivers get into cars and drive themselves home. Dh would much rather know that Ds is safe by picking him up. No skin off his nose at all.

OP personally I would pick him up but then my parents used to do this for us too when we were 16. And yes, 1am. Let's face it I would get up with him as a newborn, tend to his needs, several times a night. Why would I not just collect him this time?

Original poster
Nothingelsetobedoing · 22/10/2023 19:24

hopsalong · 22/10/2023 19:06

What time do you normally go to bed? I would pick up at 1 but I'm often not in bed until then anyway so it wouldn't totally screw up the next day. If you normally go to bed at 10 then you will feel horrible the next day if you pick him up at 1. I would compromise on 12 or organise a taxi.

This is the problem! I’m an early riser and early to bed - I’m on a different time zone to teenagers entirely 😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Nothingelsetobedoing · 22/10/2023 19:26

Appreciate everyone’s thoughts. I will definitely pick him up - just need to decide if it’s at 1.00 or not. Funny, there was no way I’d have been allowed out until 1.00 at that age….

OP posts:
CherryMyBrandy · 22/10/2023 19:29

Why won't you pick him up at 1? I've spent plenty a late night sat about in a car waiting to pick up my DS (as we also lived rurally so very little public transport). We moved him out there so don't feel we could let him miss out as a result of our choices. Plus I view it the same as the early morning/middle of the night wakings with small babies/toddlers. Just part of parenting.

AIstolemylunch · 22/10/2023 19:33

Pick him up at 12.30 then you'll all feel better 😄

At DS recent party, while the majority were picked up at 12, a few went at 10.30 or 11 or 11.30 and nobody noticed or cared.

DiscoBeat · 22/10/2023 19:41

I would compromise - collect just after midnight. But bottom line is I just wouldn't want mine walking around at that time of night.

DiscoBeat · 22/10/2023 19:43

My husband and I used to collect our sons from nightclubs at 3 in the morning, until they were in their 20s

I'm sure this will be me too - I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway!

ohtowinthelottery · 22/10/2023 19:50

I stay up and pick DS (now 26) up from the train station after a night out as it's a walk home along a winding country lane with no pavements or lights. DH thinks I'm mad but I've seen a number of reports of hit and runs in which young adults have being mown down and killed at night on rural roads in our county. He lived away for 5 years in a city where out of sight out of mind worked but now he's back home I'd rather collect him when I know he's been drinking and know he's safe. Just to add if he's got a safe route home I don't collect him or wait up.
Your children are children no matter what age they are.

HVPRN · 22/10/2023 19:55

I do will let mine stay til 01:00 and pick them up myself. Like someone else said, means more to them that extra hour/30 mins then us adults and then we know they're safe. Plus, the conversation driving home 121 is lovely - making memories 💛

LolSpinner · 22/10/2023 20:18

I would pick him up at one on him promising to leave exactly at one. I've always been happy to pick my kids up but they knew that I never wanted to be hanging out waiting for them. It works brilliantly as we are all perfectly on time whenever we meet up.
Ive always found it fun picking them up late at night. I get a rundown on the evening and my kids were always very grateful.

Blueberry40 · 22/10/2023 20:26

I would pick up at 1am or get him a taxi if possible. My parents used to just let me walk miles home from the age of 14 late at night. It really wasn’t safe at all and I wish they had been more protective. I still can’t understand it now- I would always make sure my 2 children knew they never had to walk home alone in the dark.

Medlady · 22/10/2023 20:30

Unless it’s a 20 min walk with pavements, I’d pick him up

jlpth · 22/10/2023 20:35

I'd pick him up at 1am as he wants. I have a 15yo and a 17yo and find that letting things go that aren't really a big deal can prevent things that are a big deal. No way would I let either of them in the street for a walk home at 1am. Wouldn't even walk it myself. This may not be relevant to you, but our council turns off a lot of street lights at midnight. The streets that are not main roads and not tiny alleys (ie a quiet street) become absolutely pitch black - you can't see 10 feet ahead of you if walking. Fine in car.

Universalsnail · 24/10/2023 21:48

I think 1am is fine but he should have a taxi booked not walk or I'd pick him up.

waterrat · 27/10/2023 22:11

When I was 16 we were out clubbing often past 1...it was also the age i started going to festivalswith friends! I think its a reasonable time for a 16 year old. They are surely moving past curfews at that point?