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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

AIBU to make my son stay on at school?

70 replies

momlife3 · 15/09/2023 08:37

My son (nearly 16) has so much potential but he wanted to drop out of school as soon as he can.

He wants to be a joiner and he's great at woodwork but not so great at maths/English.

I've asked him to stay on and complete 5th year and try to get they qualifications, school has also set up for him to attend college 1 day a week doing a construction course alongside school.

He's listening to most of his friends leaving school after 4th year and getting jobs and making money and he wants to do the same.

I keep telling him to look at the long term goal. Not hop from job to job with no qualifications.

He's agreed to stay at school (reluctantly) and he's attending college. Which so far he's enjoying the course.

He mentioned to me the other night he's only staying at school to keep me happy.

It's been on my mind ever since. Am I wrong for making him stay on? I only want the best for him and trying to guide him down the right path in life.

Any advice?

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/09/2023 08:39

Well it sounds like he knows what path he wants to take, rather than just leaving because he doesn't want to be ar school, so I'm not sure why you feel he would hop from job to job?

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 15/09/2023 08:40

By 4th year do you mean year 10, aged 15?

ariel27 · 15/09/2023 08:43

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

My point is at 16 he might not be mentally mature enough to commit to a full time college course.
And if college flopped then he still has school to fall back on.
At least by going to school and dipping his feet in with college one day a week he's getting a taster of it.
I know my own son and he gets fed up with things easily. I just don't want him to leave school with nothing to fall back on

ariel27 · 15/09/2023 08:43

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 15/09/2023 08:40

By 4th year do you mean year 10, aged 15?

Yeah he's 15. He will be 16 in December

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/09/2023 08:44

ariel27 · 15/09/2023 08:43

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

My point is at 16 he might not be mentally mature enough to commit to a full time college course.
And if college flopped then he still has school to fall back on.
At least by going to school and dipping his feet in with college one day a week he's getting a taster of it.
I know my own son and he gets fed up with things easily. I just don't want him to leave school with nothing to fall back on

Are you the OP? have you name changed?

PuttingDownRoots · 15/09/2023 08:44

Is this Scotland?

Point out qualifications give choices... even just basic maths and English ones. Then an apprenticeship or trade qualification.

Not everyone is academic and that's ok. Well trained tradesmen can earn a lot!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/09/2023 08:44

Are you in England?

thoushallleave · 15/09/2023 09:16

No matter whether England or Scotland he needs those qualifications, especially maths and English. He is only thinking of the now, maybe later on he wants to do something else and you never know where life will take you. I was on a course and half the people on it were mid 30s and talking about resitting their maths GCSE because they didn't pass and hadn't needed it until now.

There is a building college for all trades near us, if students go in at 16 and don't have maths and English they are made to resit alongside learning their trade.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 15/09/2023 09:24

I’m a bit confused! Has op name changed?

what year is this lad in? Should he be sitting exams this year?

ideally he would stay in school and pass maths and English at GCSE or the equivalent wherever op lives . Then it sounds as if a practical course at a local fe or sixth form college in a trade that he’s interested in would be ideal.

our ds didn’t want to stay in school sixth form despite getting a great set of GCSE results. Going to college and doing a more practical, vocational course was exactly the right thing for him
.

dearanon · 15/09/2023 09:26

The joinery trade is very skilled and if your son shows a keen interest, which it sounds like he is, then he should go ahead and do it.

Plenty of 16 year olds go into trades at that age, my husband did and is very successful as are his friends who all did trades at the same age.

Maths and English are part of any apprenticeship course as part of the coursework. Education will always be there if he decided he wanted to do something else or gain extra qualifications.

School isn't for everyone.

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 15/09/2023 09:30

Legally he has to stay in education until 18.

ariel27 · 15/09/2023 09:33

My main concern is he leaves school without GCSE's and he struggles to gain an apprenticeship.

If he completes 5th year in school at least he has another chance of passing English and maths and he can leave school with these qualifications and hopefully he will have a high chance of someone taking him on as an apprenticeship.

Obviously someone's gonna take the boy who has GCSE's over the boy who has none. If that makes sense.

Yes we are in Scotland and my son will be 16 in a couple of months.

Cottagecheeseisnotcheese · 15/09/2023 09:35

The end of S4 after taking Nat 4 or Nat 5 exams (year 10/11 depending on age in England) is when you can legally leave school in Scotland provided you are 16 however some young people will not be 16 until February of S5. If he is good at woodworking and wants to be a joiner why not do that, it's way above a NMW job. However if he is still 15 he can't leave school before Christmas.

caringcarer · 15/09/2023 09:38

Why not let him go to college full time doing a joinery course? This is his life. His choice to make. If he becomes a self employed carpenter he won't need those GCSE's. My son got very good grades at school but didn't want to stay on for A levels. He left, got a job driving a van. His employer put him through Class 2 lorry driving course and exam which he passed. Then 4 years later he did class 1 lorry driving course and exam and passed. Now he drives an Arctic lorry. He's buying his own home. He's just as well paid as my DD with an Undergraduate degree and Masters degree.

HedaLexa · 15/09/2023 09:39

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 15/09/2023 09:30

Legally he has to stay in education until 18.

That education doesn't have to take place in a school though.

My mum did the same as you op and it ended up with me doing the exact thing she was trying to avoid. I ended up with no decent qualifications (because I didn't want to be there) and hopped from job to job until I was over 35 and found something I actually want to do.

If your son has a very clear plan for what he wants, and it sounds like he does, I would seriously consider letting him follow that path.

Needmorelego · 15/09/2023 09:39

@Foggyfoggyfoggy that's not true. For any parts of the UK. Why do people keep thinking that?
(I am assuming the OP is Scotland as she said "4th Year')

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 15/09/2023 09:45

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 15/09/2023 09:30

Legally he has to stay in education until 18.

This is what I was going to say. He can pursue training related to joinery at 16 (after year 11/5th) but not before. Even if he were able legally, it would be unwise to ditch his GCSEs, in case he changes his mind later.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 15/09/2023 09:48

Thanks for clarifying OP - I didn't realise Scotland was different to England in this respect . Yes I think he should stay at school until he has completed his GCSEs or equivalent. However - post 16 I think college or apprenticeship can be a lot more useful than further academic study .

I also think it's positive that he will agree to continue this school year - even if it is only to keep you happy .

Cottagecheeseisnotcheese · 15/09/2023 12:54

if Op's son is in S5 he will have taken exams last April / May
Nat 4/5 ( equivalent of GCSE's) are taken at end of S4 ( when pupils are 15/16) you can only legally leave at end of S4 if already 16 or about to be 16, probably only 60% the year will be 16 by end of September the cut off point
Copied from Scottish Govwernment website " If you turn 16 between 1 March and 30 September you can leave school after 31 May of that year. If you turn 16 between 1 October and the end of February you can leave at the start of the Christmas holidays in that school year."
as OP's son is 16 in December he can legally leave at start of Christmas holidays so approx 23rd December 2023.
Highers ( a bit easier than A levels) are taken at end of S5 ( when pupils are 16/17)
advanced Highers ( generally harder than A levels) or more highers taken in S6 ( when pupils are 17/18)

legally he can't leave for 3 months so I suggest he makes the best of it, is actually likely to get the passes he needs in English and maths if he is then encourage to take exams next April May and then leave but if the reality is that he is unlikely to get passes there is little point in him staying past Christmas provided he can swap to a full time course in joinery. The problem is that full time course may not start till this time next year.

mezlou84 · 16/09/2023 08:10

Definitely needs to complete his GCSE's put it down in his perspective. On a job application completed gcses compared to not, in the workplace can translate to not sticking to things, no commitment, no drive. Compared to someone who completed school, committed themselves to doing the exams and wants to try and wants to succeed. Ask him which person would he employ. Look at most trades they do well overseas and he could go over and straight into a job when qualified but they'll want to see he's committed and had certain qualifications and he wouldn't want that to hold him back. My hubby is an electrician making very good wages but at one point we were going to go to Australia as they wages there are amazing. Plus exciting living in a different country but we found out I was pregnant nd didn't want to travel with tiny baby so we stayed. Get him to look at the opportunities for people leaving school with qualifications xx

Anderson2018 · 16/09/2023 08:22

Everyone I know that left school at 16 for an apprenticeship has been very successful (Scotland). I also did a lot of education and qualifications that have been useless in my life that I did to keep my parents happy and I do resent it a bit. You don’t need English and maths for an apprenticeship, and he can go back to college and do it later if he needs to (when he wants to)

Missmissmissmiss · 16/09/2023 08:38

@Foggyfoggyfoggy That's a common misconception. 16 - 18 year olds aren't allowed to be NEETs (Not in Education, Employment or Training), so can leave school and go straight into a job without doing A levels, apprenticeships or other college courses till they're 18. It's not widely publicised by schools because of how they think it reflects on them.

My husband teaches carpentry and joinery in FE and the kids who do well are those who want to be there, which sound's like OP's son might. They have to get a minimum grade 3 in maths and English at GCSE, though I'm not sure what that equates to in Scotland. Maths and English retakes are done by students who just missed their grades or Level 2 by those who would really struggle to get the grade 3.

MakeupTable · 16/09/2023 09:09

I think I would be encouraging an apprenticeship scheme. They will pay him and put him through college. He will complete it and be fully qualified in that trade.

MrsB74 · 16/09/2023 09:36

I completely understand your thinking as he is still under 16. In your shoes, as he’s back at school now, I would try to get him to understand that he needs his maths and English to do virtually anything these days. If his friends have left I can appreciate this will be torture for him. Did they get their maths and English qualifications? If so, explain this. Maybe even a tutor to help? Look at proper trade apprenticeships/colleges with him and I would imagine they will stipulate he has to have passes in those subjects. This will give him something to work towards. I do know of a lad who went to college to do a trade and had to do a lesser course until he got his maths GCSE. As a pp said a lot of adults are having to redo their GCSEs (or nat 5s) to progress in their jobs. I’ve seen this in my workplace.

AlmostThere2023 · 16/09/2023 11:34

School isn’t for everyone, how did he get on with his 4th year maths & English exams? I’m not sure what the equivalent is to the old standard grade - my two are still in primary- but if he got those then higher equivalent isn’t going to change much for him in life. If he’s set on becoming a joiner, which is a very good career choice, you should encourage him to get an apprenticeship and stay on at school until he secures one. That way he will not be lounging around the house with nothing to do until he gets his apprenticeship.

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