AIBU to make my son stay on at school?

[momlife3]

My son (nearly 16) has so much potential but he wanted to drop out of school as soon as he can.

He wants to be a joiner and he's great at woodwork but not so great at maths/English.

I've asked him to stay on and complete 5th year and try to get they qualifications, school has also set up for him to attend college 1 day a week doing a construction course alongside school.

He's listening to most of his friends leaving school after 4th year and getting jobs and making money and he wants to do the same.

I keep telling him to look at the long term goal. Not hop from job to job with no qualifications.

He's agreed to stay at school (reluctantly) and he's attending college. Which so far he's enjoying the course.

He mentioned to me the other night he's only staying at school to keep me happy.

It's been on my mind ever since. Am I wrong for making him stay on? I only want the best for him and trying to guide him down the right path in life.

Any advice?

In Scotland you can leave at 16.

@AlmostThere2023 he got nat4 for maths

He sat nat5 English and failed so I've been saying to him to use this year 5th year to focus on getting his maths under his belt.
I've told him he knows what to expect now and to stick in and study for this year to try and gain that qualification so when he leaves school he has a lot more options available to him.
I don't want him resenting me I'm only trying to guide him.

I had that with my son who was very academic but had had enough in fifth year and wanted to leave without taking his highers. I said he could only leave if he had an actual job to go to. He would then have to give me dig money. The bluff worked and he went on to do his highers and a sixth year. If he is determined to do joinery, then insist he has been accepted on an apprenticeship scheme before he can leave school. Tell him to organise an appointment with the careers officer for advice. Point out that those who have better results will have a better chance with employers.

This exactly. But you know how teenagers think they know best.
He said to me ok I'll stay on just to keep you happy!
Honestly feel like giving up sometimes and letting him have it his own way. Would be much less stress but then on the other hand if I can't guide him then who can!
I'll sit down and have a chat when he comes home from his dads on Sunday.

I think half the battle is he listens to his dad to much who constantly tells him I don't want him to leave school because if he does his dad still needs to give me maintenance money!!!
Which is so far from the truth.
His dads a 40 year old who still stays with his mum and dad and hops from job to job!

I know heaps of people who left school at 16 and have been extremely successful in their adult careers. As long as he knows what he wants to do and is prepared to work hard in an apprenticeship I'd let him make his own choices. Not everyone is academic and loving what you are doing is so necessary for a happy and fulfilling working life. Good luck to him

You’re right.
He needs basic maths and English. As strange as it will feel to him just now, both if those subjects will be essential to him later on.
This will be particularly true if he wants to start being self employed (I’m thinking sending quotes to people, emailing potential customers, dealing with accounts, calculating real cost etc etc etc)

Get him to register with CITB Scotland. They will give him a skills test to determine which of the trades he has the ability to achieve, then support him to get an apprenticeship. They will explain and support the in work / day release to college. The usual timescale is 4 years commencing after he has completed 4th year.

Not all young people excel at school, there are various pathways to learning and development. He is better to be engaged and learning while earning than being kept in school if that isn't what motivates him.

Good luck! (Mum of 4 adult sons here) x

No, she means 4th year and 5th year and is clearly in Scotland. Other education systems do exist other than the English one.

OP I would encourage him to see out S5 as college courses have started and the chances of getting exactly what he wants for this year are slim. If he doesn't have Nat 5 English and Maths, concentrate on getting those in April/May with a view to leaving school then, and perhaps getting an apprenticeship in joinery or construction.

School should be able to advise on next steps. Skills development Scotland can give you ideas about courses and qualifications too. https://www.skillsdevelopmentscotland.co.uk/

Absolutely you are wrong, he has stated that he doesn't want to stay on at school, his strength is in practical skills yet you have only valued accademic skills. As someone working in education I've seen how students flourish when they find a good practical course or an apprenticeship and then they might return to education later on. I'm a mum of two boys and I wpuld never try and force them to stay at school when their interests, strengths and career choice is accessed through another path. I would be working hard with them to guide them.down the route that best suits them. Remember just because its what you did or its what's conventional doesn't mean its best for everyone.

It's not to late to sit down with DS and ask him what he wants, look at college full time, apprenticeships and practical courses as you can always change courses / leave school to find something that he actually wants to do.

Ifl he isnt doing it for himself and is only doing it to make you happy then he isn't being true to himself and will either not do very well or will end up with poor mental health.

Our job as a parent is to enable our children to fly not to clip their wings.

Sit down and have that conversation this weekend.

Why would you not want him to be a joiner?

How are his peers getting jobs and earning money at 16?

Education isn’t for everyone, some very successful people did not complete school or college. I’d let him make his own decisions when he turns 16 years old, as long as he’s either in employment or education

He can get an accountant.

Thats like saying someone with dyslexia etc can work self employed 🙈 Many people do

And even in England they don’t enforce this ‘law’

if a child gets a job they can leave school too

Joiners make a fortune! 😂 let him go and learn what he wants a career.

Dealing with accounts means able to being know if a job was quoted right? Was it overpriced, underpriced etc….

Yes you can have an accountant to do that. It’s going to cost you a lot if money! And it’s very different from ding annual accounts - which is what most accountants do with SE people (unless you are VAT registered which a whole different ballpark)

Same with being able to find the right supplier etc….

Not everyone is suited to exams, exams really are a test of what you can memorise and then regurgitate in most cases. I’m sure your son is a bright boy and seems to have his plan in place, most kids at his age don’t even know what they want to do so it’s brilliant that yours is career focused.

I’d be cautious of forcing him to stay on, my DH parents did the same and forced him in to college on a course he had no interest in. He made no effort in 5th or 6th year and eventually dropped out of college. He now has a very successful job in the area that he’s always had a natural flair for. Not having English & maths won’t hold him back, once he has his qualification through his apprenticeship (HNC/HND) employers won’t be interested in his school grades, they’ll be more interested in his college marks, his work ethic and his workmanship. Through his qualification at college he will do both maths & English which will be sufficient.

Its hard as a parent not to worry but there are many options outwith school grades.

He has his Nat4 maths qualification already, not having the higher qualification does not automatically mean that he is not able to work these things out. In any case, there are apps for absolutely everything these days so I’m sure he would manage just fine.

I could have written your exact post . I’m in the same situation with my nearly 16 year old . It’s a worry but I’ve accepted that he’s just not academic.
However I’m trying to encourage him to find something he likes rather than just taking on any apprenticeship just to get out of school .
I’m in Scotland too .

Try and get him on a joiner apprenticeship. My brother left school at 16 to do one, he earns way more than me and has his mortgage paid off with no student loan debt. I earn a decent salary, but went to uni, started work later and saddled with student loans….perhaps wait until january time and start looking with him for one

You can go in to employment doesn't have to be education just can't leave at 16 and sit on your arse and claim
Or there's apprenticeships which is education/work

Isn't he doing Nat 5 maths and English?

I would t worry too much about him leaving after that to do a trade, I would positively encourage it. He is far more likely to do well in something that interest him over being forced to do givers by his mum.

There’s plenty of technology to help with all of that too. Like I said, plenty of people are self employed and awful at math/English. They aren’t the be all and end all in life

My son thought about doing the same at the end of yr9 we are in England and at 13 they can choose to drop out of school and attend technical college whilst still doing GCSE maths and English alongside the course.
I felt he was a little immature especially as most of yr7 and 8 was spent home learning due to covid he just wasnt ready and he would have been around a lot of 17 and 18yr old and I didn't feel it would benefit him. He's now in yr 10 glad he's still with his mates although he doesn't like school he "thinks" he wants to be an electrician but last week he wanted to do business at college and be a millionaire so who knows.
You can train change your mind retrain a job isn't for life anymore nothing wrong job hopping or going abroad while you're young it's all experience do it while they can before kids and mortgage kick in.

Oh ignore me I searched for OP posts and there was only one but it looks like OP has added more info with name change.

You can ask MNHQ to change them to match do they show when you check OP only posts which would be really helpful in saving people making irrelevant comments like I did.

Based on the update I would happily have him leave and go into a trade as he clearly isnt academic (most would do Nat 5 maths in 4th year) and being forced to study more isn't productive.

I see where you’re coming from. You’re wanting him to keep his options open. But he seems a mature boy having been set on a career course already and he can make a decent living as a joiner. It sounds like it’s a line of work he would enjoy. I’d say let him go for it. He can always go back to college if it doesn’t work out how he imagined