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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

AIBU to make my son stay on at school?

70 replies

momlife3 · 15/09/2023 08:37

My son (nearly 16) has so much potential but he wanted to drop out of school as soon as he can.

He wants to be a joiner and he's great at woodwork but not so great at maths/English.

I've asked him to stay on and complete 5th year and try to get they qualifications, school has also set up for him to attend college 1 day a week doing a construction course alongside school.

He's listening to most of his friends leaving school after 4th year and getting jobs and making money and he wants to do the same.

I keep telling him to look at the long term goal. Not hop from job to job with no qualifications.

He's agreed to stay at school (reluctantly) and he's attending college. Which so far he's enjoying the course.

He mentioned to me the other night he's only staying at school to keep me happy.

It's been on my mind ever since. Am I wrong for making him stay on? I only want the best for him and trying to guide him down the right path in life.

Any advice?

OP posts:

Mostlyoblivious · 16/09/2023 15:11

It’s great the school have organised / allowed the college course - very supportive of them.

He needs to get his English and Maths and then he has options going forward. Without those, he will be stuck and have to take them at a later date.

You will just have to sit with being the bad guy as ultimately you are being the good guy.

Also, he will gain better work and earn more money than his mates once he finishes his courses. Perhaps apprenticeships would be a good plan. He is in a good situation at the moment

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 16/09/2023 18:24

Oh do be quiet @Stroopwaffels . Obviously other systems exist. It doesn't mean I have to understand them all.

Julimia · 16/09/2023 18:46

Oh my word many of us have been there. If you can't make him WANT to stay on please don't make him stay on. Its not about pleasing you what you think is best for him may not be on his radar. I know its painful but 'old heads on young shoulders' does come to mind.

1mabon · 16/09/2023 19:59

A relative of mine, grandson, knew what he wanted to do, be a chef, he wasn't academic nut passed enough GCSEs to go to local college at age 16 on a two year course to train. First year he was student of the year, second year won the traveling scholarship. He is now a global winning young chef, has been head hunted at age 24. If your lad knows what he wants to do encourage him, you ever know where it might lead.

Gincredible1 · 16/09/2023 20:48

Let him leave school. He knows what he wants to do. Nat 5 maths and English are not the be all and end all. Letting him go to college isn't the school being supportive, it's a way to cut down their class sizes and stretch their resource

Gemst199 · 17/09/2023 00:03

My brother is a carpenter/joiner, it's a great career with good prospects.
And he uses maths and English ALL the time. You need to be able to measure accurately, work out angles, work out what supplies to order. If he wants good money he's eventually going to want to be self employed, he needs to be able to do accounts and taxes and manage bookings and communicate well with customers.
I'd start networking now, both to look for potential apprenticeships sponsors for him and also to find someone who is in the industry who can tell him the extra few months are worth it, him doing it to please you is a good start but after hearing it from the right person he'll do it because he wants to.

OhcantthInkofaname · 17/09/2023 00:13

Your son knows he has to know Math to be a joiner/carpenter?
And English to be able to write an estimate for a job?

What are his real career prospects without even basic education?

Netty89 · 17/09/2023 07:06

Not completely true, you have to be in education, training or a job until you are 18. If you have a full time job you can leave school without going to college. You can also start a full time apprenticeship.

Netty89 · 17/09/2023 07:12

Have you properly looked at colleges? My son began his carpentry and joinery course, but also has to do English and maths. Virtually all colleges will put any child who does not have English and maths onto courses along side their main course.

Needmorelego · 17/09/2023 07:45

@Netty89 the school leaving age in Scotland is 16.
That's where the OP is.

C152 · 17/09/2023 10:01

I wouldn't force him, personally. However, if he's interested in joinery, how about encouraging him to do a specific joinery course at somewhere like The Goodlife Centre (in London, but I'm sure there are options nationally)? They offer taster courses as well as full-time two year courses. I met parents there who supported their 16 year old leaving school in order to pursue joinery qualifications. You all need to be realisitic about job opportunities and potential income in this field though. And don't underestimate set up costs and the difficulty of finding an affordable workshop.

Zampanò · 17/09/2023 12:59

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 16/09/2023 18:24

Oh do be quiet @Stroopwaffels . Obviously other systems exist. It doesn't mean I have to understand them all.

No but it does mean you shouldn't assume everyone is in the English system. 🙄

borninthe80esss · 17/09/2023 13:09

Has he thought about doing an apprenticeship?
My son is in his final year as an apprentice Electrician.. It takes four years to qualify and for the first three years he went to college one day a week and worked four and for the final year he works five days a week and then takes the final exam (this should have happened in May but covid screwed exams for apprenticeships so it will be December)
A lot of construction jobs are done this way.. If he wants to work in construction he should pick a qualified trade because that's where the money is.
With my sons course he needed six grades level 5 or above to include Maths and English.

weebarra · 17/09/2023 13:19

If he's not 16 until December, he's a winter school leaver anyway.
Did he get his Nat 5 English and Maths last year? And is he going to college as part of a partnership course with school?
I'd suggest he goes to see his SDS careers adviser in school. If he does leave at Xmas there are a limited number of college courses starting then or he can apply in February for those starting in August.
Be aware though - in Scotland a college course cannot qualify you as a joiner, he will need to find an apprenticeship. Try www.apprenticeships.scot

Catza · 17/09/2023 14:09

My parents has the exact same view and I hated the last two years of school. Had absolute miserable experience and don’t recommend you push through with it because you think he will have better opportunities. I left school at the end with no qualifications. Went to work and 15 years later did BA and then MSc. My work experience was taken into consideration in lieu of GCSEs.
Your son seems to know what he wants to do with his life. Let him get on with it rather than suffer through academic programme he has no interest in at the moment. He can return to it when he is ready. That’s exactly why we have lifelong education opportunities in this country

Netty89 · 17/09/2023 15:17

The kid isn't wanting to just leave though is he? He wants to go to college instead of staying on at school and doing repeats

Shopper727 · 17/09/2023 16:09

There are colleges who do access courses, my son did an access to engineering. Similar to op (and others) sons he is clever but more practical and faffed during 5th year then left the Christmas of 6th year he just wasn’t loving it at all.

He farted about after leaving, found joinery wasn’t for him - friend was doing an apprenticeship and he was allowed to do some shifts. Then I found the access course, starting in the January and it was A little bit of each type of engineering and he enjoyed welding. He’s now 22 qualified serving the end of his apprenticeship in a company locally, drives a lovely car and is really doing well - well better than I thought when he left school. I was worried pushed him to get English and maths but in the end he didn’t need them as they do it whilst at college. He had nat 5 in one and not the other I can’t remember. Trying now to get the rest of my 4 boys up through school and help/guide them. Forcing them into staying is never a good idea. If they don’t want to be there then what’s the point. So many college courses they can do whilst at school too. More options than when I was at school

kaosfaerie · 17/09/2023 18:04

It's 16 in Scotland

Takeabreather23 · 18/09/2023 10:18

If he can get an apprenticeship in the line of work he wants then let himleave .
Both my kids hated school they both got apprenticeships ds1 is on over 50k a year doing something he enjoys. Ds2 is on 2nd years apprenticeship in joinery and works extra for himself at weekends . He’s knows where he is going in life and to him it’s up .

You can’t make people academic when they aren’t . I’d say let him follow his own path .

MistressIggi · 18/09/2023 10:30

I think in Scotland staying on for S5 is really normal. It gives the chance to resit something he failed or so the next step up. The one day in college will introduce him to various forms of construction and he might find something he hadn't thought of.
He can start applying for full time college courses in just a few months. If he's really unhappy that's different, of course.

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